Status: Complete
Reviewer: .flavored
Reviewer: .flavored
Title: 3/5
It fits the story and looks pretty good. I like how the two really did meet by the means of an accident. =D However, is a bit low on the eye-catching side.
First Impression: 8/10
I like the poster, and the dark background suits the story. The font is a little hard to read, but it’s still manageable.
As for the story’s first impressions, I must say that the first thing to cross my mind was that my theory that 99.9% of the good fics on winglin are Shonen Ai/Yaoi fics was proven true yet again. So, I suppose that’s good? XD
Forewords: 5/10
I don’t really like this type of forewords. Never did. I prefer the story type. It’s more interesting and tells a lot about the author’s prowess.
Plot: 12/15
It’s not the most creative plot in the word, but it’s good enough. I like how you add real elements into it. And the ending was good as well. Nothing much I can say to improve on it. Thumbs up.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
It’s not exactly the most creative plot I can think of, but the way you write it makes it slightly more original. I also like the way you incorporated so many social problems into this fic to make it a lot heavier and meaningful. Wonderful job.
Flow: 9/10
No comment. Seems good. But I’m no expert, so I’ll just minus one point =D *gets bashed* Ow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Mostly good. There are some grammar mistakes here and there. For example, I spotted in Chapter 7 a ‘his’ when it should be ‘he’s’.
But mostly small mistakes. Vocabulary could be improved though. I see you using mostly simple words like ‘say’, ‘talk’, ‘ask’ and etc. Try to expand your vocab so that you’ll use more descriptive words like, let’s say, ‘sneer’, ‘enquire’.
Characterisation: 7/10
It was pretty well done. And the two characters fit their role well. I’m not a fan of POV, although that’s just me, since you did the switching quite flawlessly. Still, using POV tends to show that the author isn’t that strong in language.
Writing style: 6/10
Your writing style is a little dodgy at times, and the sentences are a slight bit too fragmented. Here’s a suggestion.
Chapter 8; instead of –
“Or did he mean it in a different way? He probably wanted to see me to ask me about our math work. Probably doesn't get it because I wouldn't let him work on it. Which might mean he doesn't feel the same way. And in fact might mean he doesn't even like me. Even as a friend.”
You could use:
“Or perhaps he meant it in a different way? He probably wanted to see me about our math work, probably because I wouldn’t let him work on it and now he doesn’t get any of the stuff we learnt today. That would mean he doesn’t feel the same way I felt about him – in fact it meant that he might not even like me at all; even as a friend.”
Just a suggestion. It’s fine as it is… except “mean” really should be “meant”.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Quite enjoyed it. Except it was shounen ai… and slightly not very comfortable with it. Also not very attracted to dramas, but hey. That’s just me. Most of the people in winglin would love this =D
Sub Total: 70/100
Bonus: 2/5
One is because I’m late. And the second is because it’s one of the few best fics I’ve reviewed so far. However, I can’t give you more, because although it’s good, it’s far from the best of yaoi fics that I’ve seen. There’s still a lot more room for improvement.
Total: 72/100
Total: 72/100
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