Love Songs by bluemonkiesx

Author's Name: bluemonkiesx
Story Title: Love Songs
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/gdyblovesongs/
Status: Complete
Reviewer: Rox @ i-DEAS

Title: 4/5
It is rather a cliché-ish title but I love the quote/summary: All love songs are based on real life experiences. A very true quote indeed.

First Impression: 6/10
I do recommend when writing Yaoi that you write in 3rd person’s POV. One main reason is that it is a bit hard to imagine the reader reading as a boy.

Forewords: 7/10
I think you should have put a teaser/preview or a synopsis/ summary about what the fan fiction was about to give readers a bit of what to expect.

Plot: 12/15
I liked the plot especially when GD and Taeyang had an argument causing them to not talk to each other. It created this mystery of: Are they going to be with each other again? Or if the marriage is really over. It really made me keep reading on and pushing the ‘Next’ button.

Creativity/Originality: 12/15
Creativity was good, not that all cliché-ish.

Flow: 5/10
I would say your flash backs are confusing. What sucks about Winglin is that you can’t italicize. But I would do ***FLASHBACK*** or …….FLASHBACK……. I mean you don’t have to caps it but I would say: Don’t put [Flashback] next to the text. Also, not a whole lot of people know this but you keep shifting to 2nd POV to 3rd POV.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Chapter 1:

“Why would I joke about something like marriage? You know I’m the [hopeless] romantic, you should have believed me,” he laughs. “Now, will you answer my question?” You pause and take a deep breath, “Will you marry me, Kwon Jiyong?”

Chapter 5:
The heat coming from his body and it feels [so so so] satisfying and you wonder why you didn't do this before and you realize that you want more of his heat, need more. And so you quickly discard the remainder of your clothing along with his, and relish in the closeness and perfection that is Kwon Jiyong.

Youngbaeah, I l-love you," he moans and his voice hitches a little at the exact moment that your hand wraps [wraps] itself around his length, stroking him, teasing him, pleasing him beyond measure.

Overall, your grammar is pretty good. A lot of Compound-Complex Sentences which is pretty good but I think you can also use semicolons in some of your sentences. That’s really an option. You also had a lot of typos but not really a huge thing to worry about. I would say be careful that you don’t really repeat a lot of words. The ‘so so so’ could be subsidized as other words like ‘extremely’ or ‘very’

Characterizations: 8/10
I like how you kept it simple and straightforward instead of complicating the character’s characteristics.

Writing Style: 8/10
You have great writing style, its unique because your writing style is used for 3rd Person POV. I would say you don’t have to keep your sentences too long. You can always break them.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Sub Total: 64.5/100

Bonus: 4/5:
Your writing skills are good. Other than having trouble with you sentence structure, your choice of words is great. You had a great vocabulary. And that it’s hard to write Yaoi. I give a lot of credit to authors who write Yaoi because the majority of fanfics aren’t Yaoi.

Total: 76/100