Be with you by YSLOVER

Author : YSLOVER
Title : Be with you
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/YSLOVER3/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud


Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 2/5
No, the title doesn't really attract me because it is basically telling that a particular person wants to be together with a loved one. I would like something more mysterious and yet, it doesn't reveal the story. The title sort of gave me somewhat an expression of, “Ah, a love story.” and no, it is not something good. Your title suits the story, somehow.. But it lacks on its own deep meaning. I believe there is a better, intriguing title for this one :)

First impression : 7/10
My first impression wasn't so bad, at least. I was only upset to see the black background when you can fit in brown or chocolate to match the poster. That would give you a higher score in this area, such a sad thing. However, I am quite happy that you actually filled up the chapter titles neatly (that's something good, you even placed full stops).

Forewords : 2/10
I must say that I am happy that you took your friend's advice in putting up the forewords with something good rather than leaving it with your ramblings, but I don't agree to that as good forewords. A good foreword needs explanation, and synopsis of the story. Not just filling it up with previews from your other chapters. Maybe that can be counted, but not much. Your previews 1, 2, 3 and so on confused me A LOT. I didn't know who was talking and what was happening. I read the previews one by one and had the urge to read back to preview 1 because I didn't know what was going on. To make it clear, it was confusing, totally confusing.

Plot : 9/15
I cannot say that I like how the plot is going. I didn't see a well-organized plot here. Just about a guy who falls in love with his best friend but gets rejected just cause his best friend isn't a gay. To be honest, I don't like the way you started the story; you jumped directly to telling the readers what Junsu was feeling. No, that can be done with a better way of arrangement. To start the story, why not put it in Junsu's POV and let him tell about himself first and why did he like Yoochun. Why he wasn't brave enough to tell Yoochun that he likes him, etc (things like this). Remember, your plot is too common, but try to make adjustment to the scene so it'll be more interesting and fun to read.

Creativity/ Originality : 10/15
This is not a long story, and I suppose you could add in more vibe to the story to make it creative and original. Frankly, your whole concept is plain, and quite common. I do appreciate your idea, but it would be better if you try to pull out from your comfort zone and try doing something more challenging, not just something below your ability. You need to expand your imagination, and to know how to react with readers through your characters.

Flow : 7/10
It was fast, all I could say. In the middle, it was kind of okay, but Eunhyuk's appearance made everything ending too abrupt. I do like his appearance, but you need to control your characters so they won't disturb the flow of the story.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 5/10
I noticed that there are a lot of grammar mistakes, as well as the spelling and tenses error. Your vocabulary is average and I didn't learn any new words from this story. The words are plain and they don't help the story much with their meaning (basically they don't have strong, deep meaning). You can improve this by asking someone to beta-read your fanfic or you can read more real storybooks and help yourself to improve. Or else, if you need any help from me, just contact or email me.

Characterization : 5/10
As I said earlier, don't let your characters control the flow of your story. You are the author here and you should be very familiar with your characters. You can only make them appear when you need them, but they shouldn't be appearing regularly when it is not required. Like Yunho and Hero's appearance, I really think that was unnecessary.

Writing style : 8/10
The writing style is okay, but it can be improved.

Overall enjoyment : 1/5
Frankly, I didn't enjoy much just because you don't have many interesting words, and I was kind of pissed by the factual errors you got there. I know that this is a fanfic, but you need to watch out for the fact too. You made Junsu a girl freak, whom was raped by his own best friend. There, I thought it was rather nonsense and unfortunately, it weakens your story.

Sub total : 56/100

Bonus : 0/5

Total : 56/100
I hope you are not degraded by this review. I may be wrong, but this is just to help you. Thank you! :) keep on writing.