River flows in you by Yunni

Author : Yunni
Title : River flows in you
Link : http://winglin.net/fanfic/_riverflow
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna @ RawrOutLoud


Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 4/5
Fine, I must say that I do like the title, very much. Not because it is from Taemin, but I think that the title has a very strong connection with something very melancholy and depressing. As for Taemin's fans, I do think that they will like it and eventually click on it. The only thing is that the title is not 100% originally by yours. Anyone could have used the same title, just because it has something to do with Taemin.

First impression : 8/10
I like the poster, but the only thing is that the characters in it are a little bit too faded. I couldn't really see the girl, and I wouldn't know that the male character is Taemin if you didn't tell that in your foreword. However, I appreciate the neat and nicely blended art. It's a good thing to see.

Forewords : 4/10
I don't know if others think that your foreword is good enough, but I personally think that it is not. You have the idea, you know what you're going to tell, so make use of what you have. The content that you have currently is too short and obviously lacking of intriguing start. I don't mind reading a short foreword, but the ones with few lines are just too boring, don't you think so? Perhaps some more lines to draw the readers into the story? People have different taste; some writers prefer doing short introductions while the others don't bother to write at all. For me, the introduction is equally important to the first impression. If readers have good impression towards your story, which means you will have a good head.

Plot : 13/15
It is neat and well-organized, regardless of it being a little choppy. You made the plot dances together with the characters and let it go with the flow. I like it, but something in between was making it a little bit confusing. However, you managed the plot very well and beautifully portrayed it into a breathtaking story, and of course that made the story not boring to read. Also, I like how you can put in the perfect and essential details without having to write such a long one-shot. It's a good read.

Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
I cannot say that this is 100% original but I must admit that you deserve the credit for the unexpected ending. Actually, I did expect her to die or something but I didn't know that she turned into an angel to accompany her lover on stage. That was beautiful to me, and only at that part I started to feel the sadness. Especially when Taemin's found the angel's feather (I wonder how it looks like. Oh wait, Leeteuk's an angel =___=). I think you are really creative as you know how to put your readers into the story without having to irritate them much. The way you blend your characters is amazing, but I believe you can do better.

Flow : 8/10
It was a bit fast toward the end, probably because you don't want to keep the story too draggy. You made the right choice, but try to sustain the flow carefully and observe on where the pace is a little bit awkward.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
First thing that came to my mind when reading this is that you have a good start. Your words are simply average and they are all placed nicely and neatly. The only problem is that your use of vocabulary is limited and you don't seem to have much description in your writing. Try to improve on this because this can make the story more realistic and it enables the readers to feel what the characters are feeling.

Characterization : 9/10
Very good. You know why? I will tell you later in your writing style.

Writing style : 9/10
Truthfully, even if your writing style is less descriptive, I appreciate on how you wrote the story. This is supposed to be a ‘you-story’ right? Where the girl character is the readers, themselves right? I have been searching for an author who will do it in a right way. Usually, the writer will do like..

“(put your name here), are you okay?”

(put your name here) watched Taemin from afar...

That's so boring, but you really did well by not using such format. This is what I have been looking for, well done. It doesn't annoy me at all, that's why you have managed your characters well. Even though you didn't use the format above, you remarkably did it as readers' POV, good job.

Overall enjoyment : 4/5
I did enjoy it. (Psh, the angel part was great!)

Sub total : 79/100

Bonus : 2/5
For finally letting me have a good read
For writing it in a very remarkable way.

Total : 81/100