♥LOVE EQUILIBRIUM♥ by Naire Perplexity

Author : Naire Perplexity
Title : ♥LOVE EQUILIBRIUM♥
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/9naire10_4/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 3/5
The title is unique and lovely to me, although at first it didn't give me the exact expression I wanted. As the chapters were explored, I understand why you name this story as it is. One thing that bothers me is the '♥' signs which are very informal and they don't look nice in my opinion.

First impression : 7/10
My first impression towards this story was, “Oh, she has no poster and bg.. That'll make my job easier to not include the mark.” but the next day I found a nice poster and bg being used for the fic, so I don't have much to complain about. The poster is nice, but a little bit too light and this doesn't really lift up the characters. Otherwise, it is very good. Plus, I like the wordings used ^^

Forewords : 5/10
You're trying to introduce the characters and the pairings, which is okay but don't you think it'll leave suspense to the readers? The pairings made the story more predictable as people will know which girl will be with whom and etc. Like Charlene, I was thinking that she would still root for Chun, but remembering back your forewords, I know that Danson will be her man in the end. [My prediction may be wrong, but this is what your forewords gave me]. Summary-- I would love to read the summary of this story. Not that you didn't tell us, it's just that the summary is too plain and didn't elaborate much about the plot.

Plot : 13/15
So far, I like the plot because it is very neat and organized. You matched things together, but there are also some cliché scenes that I had to skip in order to maintain my interest. Like when Rainie acted very rude and talked back to her mother and sisters, I think it should be minimized because it'll only make unnecessary judgments to your fanfic. It is fine to use a little bit of taboo and violence, but it should be controlled too. Don't make Mrs. Chen look as if she's useless.

Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Let's go with the originality first okay? As you may know, the plot line is not original and it has been used many times by other writers. Falling in love with your best friend is very common and it'll become boring if writers tend to overuse it. What makes your story interesting is that you know how to play with your characters and make them yours eventhough your plot is a little bit normal. Your creativity and ideas are very blooming, and they are your advantages.

Flow : 9/10
I like the flow, but in some chapters you wasted it on talking about shopping and boring stuffs. As what you said on chapter 7, it is pretty 'less-amusing'. Altogether, your flow is good.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8.5/10
It is a very enjoyable journey of reading a fanfic with very nice vocabulary and I have to admit that I like how you used big words to describe things. Take note that you also have spelling errors and mistakes in tenses. These are some mistakes I spotted..

Chapter 2
1) “Wow. Like your not used to it,” Chun replied.
Corrected- “Wow, like you're not used to it,” Chun replied.

2)Chun laughed at her and messed her hair. He really liked it when she’s pissed. She’s so cute whenever she pouts. He likes her playful attitude. He never gets bored whenever she’s with her and he never felt tired
Corrected- Chun laughed at her and ruffled her hair. He really likes it when she's pissed (because he adores the action for an on-going time and not just in the past. Because if you noticed, the next sentence is in present tense too as it happens like a daily routine). She's so cute whenever she pouts ans he likes her playfulness. He never got bored or tired whenever he's with her.

Also in other chapters, I guess I don't need to tell all since you have like 25 chapters there and correcting them one by one would take me..[..quite some time]

Characterization : 9/10
Ella and Chun were described well and I like it (: but I really don't favor Charlene's behavior of being too full of herself.

Writing style : 10/10
Very neat.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
At first, it was boring but for the sake of reviewing, I had to continue reading and be patient with it. I figured out that this story is not so bad at all. In fact, it is very interesting. Good job.

Sub total : 79.5/100

Bonus : 2.5/5
For replying to your readers and also for the nice respond ^^

Total : 83/100
Sorry that your preferred reviewer (imperfection.x3) is busy that she shouldn't review your fic but I hope you will like this. I am quite strict in reviewing and my range of good stories is from 70-99% (cause I know it's almost impossible to get 100%). So congratulation, you made it in ^^. As for your request of having your reviewer stick to reading your story until the end, no problem. I will still be waiting for your updates even if you didn't tell me. ^^ cause I want to know how it'll go between Chun and Ella. Best of luck :)