Unerased Memories by Stepha.nie

Title: Unerased Memories [ONE SHOT]
Author: Stepha.nie
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/stephshot01/
Status: COMPLETED
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud

*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza

Title: 4/5
Personally, I liked your title, although ‘unerased’ isn’t really a word? I tried to search it up, but no. But the thought put in the story is extremely good.

First Impression: 7.5/10
Since it’s been a habit for me, I do not read fanfics without a poster and background. For me, I find it more interesting to read a fanfic with a poster, though the poster & background may look bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really picky with One Shots. One Shot’s without a poster & BG is fine because it isn’t really a long term fanfiction. But just to inform you that it would ATTRACT readers if you have a poster. Okay, since you will get your poster later on, I added marks to my first impression. NOTE this that first expression is what you felt about seeing the story at first site, so I hope you didn’t get offended by my comment? Lastly, your title was good. It did make me curious and want to read it.

Forewords: 7/10
I marked you easily on this because in a ONE SHOT fic, you aren’t supposed to give away much right? & since you followed my expectations, I gave you a 7. Yet why a 7? Firstly, because I’m really tough on this section. Secondly, because you could’ve improved it in many ways, like lengthening the forewords, separating your words apart from the FOREWORDS itself (do you follow?) & by adding cliffhangers which would make your reader wait for future updates. I did like your summary though. I found it unique in many ways. 1) That you gave 2 summaries which corresponded with each other and 2) that you kept it plain. Oh! & I almost forgot, you should introduce your characters here. :)

Plot: 12/15
Your plot was rather interesting. I liked it. I have nothing else to say.

Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Here, you added your own creativity & originality. Despite the common plot, you managed to add your own loops and ending. Good job.

Flow: 8/10
Since it’s a One Shot, I found the flow rather compatible with the story. It wasn’t too fast or too slow. Just make sure not to add TOO many details. It’s good to have details, but don’t add too many that may delay the story.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
I was straining with this one. You had a lot of grammar mistakes, yet I managed to understand it.
Mistakes you made:
1. When you mention “I” always capitalize it.
- “…i sensed that my mom is calling me but i ignored her…”
- …i don't want to be fooled by my mom anymore.
2. Your tenses were really off, and the way you conjugate a verb.
- I putted down my chopstick… - if ever putted was a word, putted isn’t right for this tense, or ANY tense. It should be: I placed my chopstick down…
3. When placing periods, commas, etc., do not make such a huge gap between them:
- " Yes , coming. " I replied.
- " Joo Yeon , the lunch is ready. "
Okay, I know I talk too much, but I’m here to help you out. I hope you understand. Also, in good terms, I liked your format, etc. & I understood what you were trying to point out.

Characterization: 9/10
Characters are made or chosen from the interest of the author. I didn’t give you a full mark because I didn’t get to learn about the characters. Like I didn’t get to see their personality much… etc.

Writing Style: 8/10
Your style was good, but at some point, you were all over the place… so next time, just organize it in paragraphs, quotes, etc.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
:) Good job. I want to remain silent about this one.

Sub Total: 64/100

Bonus: 5/5
I give you 5 because:
- For requesting @ ROR
- For not getting insulted by my comments.
- For writing your first One shot fic
- For comprehending my comments
- & by writing interesting fanfics :)

Total: 69/100
Thanks for requesting @ ROL!