Title: Timeless Duet
Author: JaE_LoVe
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/JaE_LoVe4/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Latienza @ i-DEAS
Title: 4/5
I liked your title very much because it really wasn’t common; therefore it gave me something else to ponder about. The thing I was YET to see was the ‘full’ connection of the story itself with the title. But since your story is still on-going, I’ll let it pass for now. Great job.
First Impression: 9/10
I had a really good first expression with this because it was well organized and the poster and background were great. The mood was there and it just matched the whole story theme. The text was easy to read and it didn’t blind me, so I had a great first impression.
Forewords: 8/10
I liked your forewords because you had your own type of thinking in there. But the thing I don’t really like seeing in the forewords are the character introductions. Personally, I don’t mind if you continue doing that, but usually when you don’t introduce, the readers receive more suspense. Stating the names of the characters are fine, but don’t give away too much of them just so the readers have a lot to look forward to. Besides this, it was fine.
Plot: 12/15
I found the plot interesting, but it was kind of all over the place; unorganized. At some points in the story, I would get lost and such, but it wasn’t such a big deal. Be sure that as you write, describe the surroundings more so the readers could get more of an imagination on the settings/where the event is taking place in. I found that your story was pure dialogue and the parts where you would describe certain scenes were tremendous, but I ask that you do that more often so the mood settles with the reader.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
HMM, there were a lot of things I already read in other stories, but you managed to pull it off. I’m not really a fan of Xiah Junsu, (but I was kind of confused because in your forewords it said ‘KIM JUNSU’ so I didn’t know who it was. I think you meant XIAH Junsu because of your poster... but yeah) but you kept me reading not because I have to, but because I wanted to.
Flow: 7/10
The flow was a bit too fast. I don’t know. I think it could’ve been placed in a more steady pace, but nonetheless, you did a great job.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
I’m really sorry for giving you a low mark, but this portion is just where I go crazy at. LOL. Let’s just say, this is my specialty? Fail, anyways... here are some things:
To others, your spelling, grammar, and vocabulary wouldn’t really be a big deal, but as I carefully looked into it, you had a lot of errors. There were countless mistakes you made but here are a few examples:
[She blushed as she softly her neck and lifted her hands to feed him. She happily watched him eat her cooked meal happily as she wiped sauce from the side of his lips with an affectionate expression.”]
You were missing words and it was kind of hard to determine what they were. Instead of this, your sentence should be edited as:
[She blushed as she softly tilted her neck, lifting her hands to feed him. She happily watched him eat the meal she had cooked as she wiped the sauce from the side of his lips with an affectionate expression.] Personally, I would suggest shortening this sentence or dividing the sentence because it had a bit too much events in only one sentence. Also, try not repeating the same words again in one sentence. If you really want to expand on your vocabulary, go to thesaurus.com or just read other fanfics and learn from their way of writing. That is, of course, if their language is good.
[As he finished the last bite and drank some water that she had offered him.]
Looking at this sentence, I could immediately tell the problem. This sentence is not structured properly. You had a few of these in your fanfic. This sentence is incomplete. This did not have a subject whatsoever. Usually, when you use ‘as’, it’s expanding a topic sentence, not starting a topic sentence. And this applies to you. Try to prevent this. I’ll give you an example for a proper sentence. [As he finished the last bite, he drank some water she had offered him]
[Realizing he was done, she slowly turned her neck and smiled at him, a smile which at that moment captured his heart.]
For this, your punctuation wasn’t used well. Personally, it doesn’t really matter, but in order to help you excel, I guess I’ll just point it out. I’m not really sure how to explain this, but this sentence would’ve been more of a use if it was sentenced as: [Realizing he was done, she slowly turned her neck and smiled at him; a smile which captured his heart at the moment.] I used the ‘;’ punctuation and flipped a bit of the sentence. I hope you can learn about the use of this on your free time, as it would benefit you.
[…making her forgot every bad feeling she got today and replace it with a happiness as she kissed the one man she truly loved.]
For this type of sentence, you didn’t have just one problem. Your spelling, grammar, and vocabulary play a big part in this. For grammar, this sentence was totally off. Your tenses were all over the place and it was just hard to comprehend. The English wasn’t working properly here. Let’s continue. For the spelling, it was affected because your grammar was off. It’s not a ‘wrong spelling’ but rather ‘wrong for the sentence’. Do you get what I mean? In the sentence, you used ‘forgot’ when it should be ‘forget’. So it works out. Moving on, your vocabulary was kind of twisted here. Here’s your edited sentence: [...making her forget every bad feeling she had gotten today, replacing it with happiness as she kissed the man she truly loved]
You had countless mistakes throughout all of your chapters. There were other mistakes, but these highlighted errors basically summarized everything you needed work with.
Characterisation: 7.5/10
I didn’t really make a big deal on the pairings or anything, but the fact that the characters were all over the place kind of distracted me from the story. Like for example when Junsu would have mood-swings, it would throw me off of the story balance. But nonetheless, everything was fine. Just make sure to portray the personalities of the characters in a more lengthened manner.
Writing Style: 8/10
You had your own style in writing; therefore, it didn’t really bother me.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Personally, I found your story really interesting. As you may have noticed, I gave it a 5. I love the lengthened chapters and everything else, though you still need some things to improve on. Good job & HWAITING!
Sub Total: 75.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
Sorry for taking me 8375923861 years to complete this request. Hope this will help you, and NOT discourage you. I’m strict, && I guess I’m really a snob, but I really hope this will help you out.
Total: 78.5/100
Thanks for requesting @ i-DEAS. If I have accidentally made any mistakes with the mark scorings, please contact me @ thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com before you make any changes. Thank you.
Showing posts with label latienza. Show all posts
Showing posts with label latienza. Show all posts
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Thursday, November 12, 2009
One Way Out by Fynrile
Title; One Way Out
Author; Fynrile
Status; On-going
Reviewer; Latienza [Lyselmae Atienza] @ iDeas
http://thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com
Title: 2/5
I guess I just didn’t see the title in the story. Yes, it did give out hints that concerned the connection between the title and story, but I didn’t think it was. Authors tend to make up the title before writing out the story, but I suggest that you write the story, and then make up a title. If you already do so, I advice that you try to reread your story once or twice to get the main idea and to summarize it in one word or phrase, resulting to your title. The mood that the title created, though, was brilliant. The mood that the poster and background gave the title made it really interesting.
First Impression: 8/10
To be honest, although it was dark and seemed depressing, the mood and colors gave an outstanding impact on me. I believe that the poster and background made the title more alive. The choice of colors in fonts and links were also well done. It didn’t hurt my eyes, although the precision of colors could’ve been better. Nonetheless, it gave me a good impression.
Forewords: 7.5/10
I would’ve given the forewords a 9 if it was only organized and the content was much richer. I believe that giving images was really creative, but because of it, I didn’t focus on the texts that you wrote, instead, I was more entertained by looking at the pictures. Yes, pictures do help, but don’t overdo it or else readers would mainly focus on them. The form of language you used was fine also.
Plot: 9/10
I found your story was interesting, but it was really hard for me to follow at times. I even had to re-read some chapters again just to get back on track. Also, in the beginning, it was a bit boring until the guy kissed Sungmin. I was really straining just to finish the story, until it started getting interesting in the middle areas in the story. Although the beginning isn’t usually the most exciting part, keeping it interesting is still important in order to keep readers.
Creativity/Originality: 8/15
I wasn’t really impressed by this. I’ve read most of the scenes like this before, and it wasn’t really much of a surprise for me. But in some cases, you did manage to add your own creativity; therefore, making me read more. I could tell you were trying your best and because you have such effort, you’ll be able to succeed, concerning this portion.
Flow: 6/10
It was just starting off and Sungmin already started receiving feelings, therefore, rushing the whole story as you went. I believe that this is one of the most important components, so do make sure that it’s not too slow, nor too fast.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8.5/10
Starting off, I could already see some mistakes in grammar. I don’t think anyone would really make a big deal about your grammar because you manage to pull it off. We understand what you meant, but sometimes, you missed punctuation marks, therefore, making your grammar a bit all over the place. This isn’t really a big problem because it was rare mistakes, but it’s just a heads up. In some parts of the story, you tend to make spelling mistakes that you mistaken words for ones that sound alike.
For example: Heechul walked pasted the group and grabbed Sungmin's hand.
Instead, this should have been: “Heechul walked past the group and grabbed Sungmin’s hand.”
Just make sure to proof read in order to prevent mistakes like these. Moving on, your vocabulary was tremendous. I envy your precision of language. Make sure that next time, try to not make your language too complex that you lose the readers. This is what happened to me. I got lost because of the complex language. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m still a reader, right?
Characterization: 6/10
Concerning your characterization, you’ve got a lot to improve. For me, there were too many characters. I was also getting a bit confused on who was who because of sudden changes in the character’s personalities. They were too sudden, that it made me lose the main idea of the story. I believe that you could’ve portrayed the character’s personalities much better because, like I said, they change from one quality to another quality way too fast.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your style in writing was satisfactory. Just make sure not to transition harshly. Don’t make sudden transitions, confusing the readers. Keep up the effort.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I wouldn’t say I was a big fan of this fanfic. I just didn’t manage to captivate the feeling that you intended the reader to receive. I expected more. I’m not really big on Yaoi fanfictions, in fact, this is the first Yaoi fic that I’ve read so I really didn’t know what to expect... maybe this is why I wasn’t too big on this fic, but don’t get discouraged, I was inspired by some of your scenes, and hope that you continue your will in writing.
Subtotal: 65/100
Bonus: 4/5
I think you’re one of the most inspired writers out there. Keep up the good work.
Total: 69/100
Sunday, August 23, 2009
His Untold Story by iloveDBSK
Title: His Untold Story
Author: iloveDBSK
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/iloveDBSK2/
Status: One Shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ iDEAS
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
I liked your title. I felt the reassurance that the author has a nice plot coming. It’s a unique title. The connection was also there.
First Impression: 9/10
Everything was clean and organized. I liked the poster also. I couldn’t wait to read it.
Forewords: 5/10
I’m not a big fan of your forewords. The only thing you had were advertisements. You had a preview/summary, but it’s not enough. I know that in a one-shot, you’re not supposed to give away a lot, but I’m just not satisfied with your forewords. Be sure to lengthen it next time.
Plot: 9/15
The plot wasn’t as great as I thought it would end up. The first chapter was alright, but as in pondered into the 2nd/last chapter, everything seemed predictable which is bad. You must keep the readers surprised and unknowing. They must not be able to predict the ending easily. Try working on that portion next time. The whole dying because of the sickness thing was pretty common also. But you managed.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Despite the ok plot you had, you managed to add your own originality/creativity like not telling the DBSK members about the relationship Jaejoong had with the girl, also connecting it to the title.
Flow: 8/10
The flow was good… it was alright. For me, I think it was too fast. But yet again, I think it’s just me.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You tend to make grammar mistakes wherein you get mixed up with your tenses. In times where your words need to be in the present tense, you end up wording it in the past. It’s all over the place basically. Be sure to edit it and re-read before posting it on winglin.
Characterisation: 9/10
Your characterisation was plain. The only problem you had was that you weren’t able to portray the personalities of the characters well enough. It was too fast…
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style was fine. It was easy to read and very comprehendible. It would’ve been better if your paragraphs were transitioned and organized properly. Besides that, it was acceptable.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
It was good.
Sub Total: 73/100
Bonus: 3/5
1. For giving me the honour in reviewing your story.
2. Saving me from writing a long review.
3. For taking a while.
Total: 76/100
Author: iloveDBSK
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/iloveDBSK2/
Status: One Shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ iDEAS
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
I liked your title. I felt the reassurance that the author has a nice plot coming. It’s a unique title. The connection was also there.
First Impression: 9/10
Everything was clean and organized. I liked the poster also. I couldn’t wait to read it.
Forewords: 5/10
I’m not a big fan of your forewords. The only thing you had were advertisements. You had a preview/summary, but it’s not enough. I know that in a one-shot, you’re not supposed to give away a lot, but I’m just not satisfied with your forewords. Be sure to lengthen it next time.
Plot: 9/15
The plot wasn’t as great as I thought it would end up. The first chapter was alright, but as in pondered into the 2nd/last chapter, everything seemed predictable which is bad. You must keep the readers surprised and unknowing. They must not be able to predict the ending easily. Try working on that portion next time. The whole dying because of the sickness thing was pretty common also. But you managed.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Despite the ok plot you had, you managed to add your own originality/creativity like not telling the DBSK members about the relationship Jaejoong had with the girl, also connecting it to the title.
Flow: 8/10
The flow was good… it was alright. For me, I think it was too fast. But yet again, I think it’s just me.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You tend to make grammar mistakes wherein you get mixed up with your tenses. In times where your words need to be in the present tense, you end up wording it in the past. It’s all over the place basically. Be sure to edit it and re-read before posting it on winglin.
Characterisation: 9/10
Your characterisation was plain. The only problem you had was that you weren’t able to portray the personalities of the characters well enough. It was too fast…
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style was fine. It was easy to read and very comprehendible. It would’ve been better if your paragraphs were transitioned and organized properly. Besides that, it was acceptable.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
It was good.
Sub Total: 73/100
Bonus: 3/5
1. For giving me the honour in reviewing your story.
2. Saving me from writing a long review.
3. For taking a while.
Total: 76/100
Friday, July 31, 2009
Cry by Anna
Title: Cry
Author: Anna
Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/cry_AS/
Status: One Shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
Your title is very simple, yet unique. The connection between the title and the story is very strong. Like you said, the mood of the poster wasn’t really great. The poster is great, there’s only a somewhat connection between the title and poster concerning the MOOD. Besides that, I liked your title.
First Impression: 9/10
Your fic was very clean and well organized. Everything was intact.
Forewords: 9/10
Your forewords were great! It was well detailed, yet it didn’t give away the story. The only thing, I would say, you were missing was the introduction of the author/characters. I have nothing else to say but great job :)
Plot: 15/15
I would say that this is one of the best ‘sad’ plots I’ve read. Everything was connected and well organized. I really didn’t expect a sad ending but it was surprising. It wasn’t at all bad.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
You added a lot of creativity and originality into this story. Concerning your creativity, your poster was great. In the story, instead of a fictional character, you used yourself as a lead. This goes also for the originality. The plot was your originality itself.
Flow: 10/10
The flow was perfect. It wasn’t too fast or to slow. I loved reading it.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You were awesome with your English. Your language was very deep. You made 1-2 mistakes. It may be too small to notice. For example:
“letting them fell with a loud thud.” Your tense here was wrong. ‘fell’ should be ‘fall’
But that was just a small mistake.
Also, try not using complex words all the time because people may get confused or maybe have no idea what you’re saying, right? Besides all that, you should continue what you’re doing.
Characterisation: 10/10
I have nothing against your characters. During the story, you let the readers learn about the character’s personalities. It was perfect.
Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style was great. It was very easy to read, yet it was professionally done and written.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I liked your story.
Sub Total: 93/100
Bonus: 2/5
1. For giving me the honour in reviewing your story.
2. Saving me from writing a long review.
Total: 95/100
Author: Anna
Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/cry_AS/
Status: One Shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
Your title is very simple, yet unique. The connection between the title and the story is very strong. Like you said, the mood of the poster wasn’t really great. The poster is great, there’s only a somewhat connection between the title and poster concerning the MOOD. Besides that, I liked your title.
First Impression: 9/10
Your fic was very clean and well organized. Everything was intact.
Forewords: 9/10
Your forewords were great! It was well detailed, yet it didn’t give away the story. The only thing, I would say, you were missing was the introduction of the author/characters. I have nothing else to say but great job :)
Plot: 15/15
I would say that this is one of the best ‘sad’ plots I’ve read. Everything was connected and well organized. I really didn’t expect a sad ending but it was surprising. It wasn’t at all bad.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
You added a lot of creativity and originality into this story. Concerning your creativity, your poster was great. In the story, instead of a fictional character, you used yourself as a lead. This goes also for the originality. The plot was your originality itself.
Flow: 10/10
The flow was perfect. It wasn’t too fast or to slow. I loved reading it.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You were awesome with your English. Your language was very deep. You made 1-2 mistakes. It may be too small to notice. For example:
“letting them fell with a loud thud.” Your tense here was wrong. ‘fell’ should be ‘fall’
But that was just a small mistake.
Also, try not using complex words all the time because people may get confused or maybe have no idea what you’re saying, right? Besides all that, you should continue what you’re doing.
Characterisation: 10/10
I have nothing against your characters. During the story, you let the readers learn about the character’s personalities. It was perfect.
Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style was great. It was very easy to read, yet it was professionally done and written.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I liked your story.
Sub Total: 93/100
Bonus: 2/5
1. For giving me the honour in reviewing your story.
2. Saving me from writing a long review.
Total: 95/100
Friday, July 10, 2009
Love or friend? by ILOVEARRONYAN
Title: Love or friend?
Author: ILOVEARRONYAN
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ILOVEARRONYAN/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 3/5
Your title wasn’t bad, wasn’t exciting either. Personally, for me, it gives away a lot of the story. Somehow, just looking at the title, I already got the idea of the story where the girl is entangled by a decision on whether it’s love or just friendship. But that is just a prediction. If there is a sudden twist, this will make the story really good and unsuspected. Next time, you might want to keep your title less unrevealing and really questioning so that readers ask a lot of questions, leading them into reading your updates, right? Moving on, the connection the title has with the story was okay. I still understood the point of the title.
First Impression: 7/10
When I first opened your link, I found the poster and background clean. I liked the poster and how the color of fonts and titles are connected to the colors on the poster. It was really neat. I would like to see you improving on your writing formats though, so that it is much presentable.
Forewords: 6/10
I don’t think that your forewords is the typical forewords that will enlighten and give us a preview of the story. Basically, what I mean is that it’s missing a lot of elements. Firstly, you should introduce yourself more, so that the readers may get an idea on what your personality is, etc. Next, introduce the characters that are in the story, and some additional information about them. You don’t have to put every single character, but main ones. Then, you can add a preview/synopsis about what will happen in the story and what there is to look forward to. Lastly, just end with a simple authors note. This is the simple way to put a good forewords.
Plot: 9/15
Your plot is very common. Try to avoid scenes that may appear in different fanfics. & also, make sure that if ever you do take an idea from another fanfic that you change parts of it so it can be copyrighted under your name.
Creativity/Originality: 11/15
Despite the plot you used, I appreciate the fact that you tried to add your own creativity like adding the part where her dad beats her, etc. This grading system under creativity/originality really depends on how much c/o you add. So, this only means to add more of YOUR creativity and originality into it. If that were me, I could’ve added that maybe Aaron had something to do with her past. I know that you might’ve already read this type of addition but it never hurts to add different types of scenes and mould it into one. This can actually make it more interesting. Besides that, good job.
Flow: 6/10
The flow was fast. It happened too fast. Even though your fanfic is pretty long, the events happened too fast. I think that next time, you should give them more time to interact. Also, events happen even though I don’t even know they’re currently happening which creates a big blur and confusion for me. Make sure that you reread to clarify such instances.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Here, it was really tough for me to grade because you had A LOT of grammar and spelling mistakes, yet I understood what you were trying to say. The way you worded things and put them into a sentence was bad. You really need help on that. Overall, you need to improve on:
1. Knowing where to place: Periods, commas, etc. You tend to forget these punctuation marks. In other cases, you misplace them and put there someplace else.
2. Not repeating words in the same sentence. Sometimes, you can repeat words in one sentence, but not in all cases. Remember that in one sentence, there is no need of repeating a word. In example in your fanfic: “MC-Since we have a pair you two will be together at the ******, together.” You used ‘together’ twice, making it… an awkward sentence.
3. There is no need of using brackets. This is why I usually say that it is much better to prevent script style. I admit that, I too, used to use script style as my basic format, but it becomes hard especially when describing somebody’s actions. In example you said: “G&A-So...(laughing)” instead of saying that, you could’ve put it as: “So…” Guigui and Aaron said, laughing. It lessens confusion. I appreciate you changing your style later on in the story.
4. Spelling. You tend to have spelling mistakes, making it visible that you do not edit/recheck it. Maybe you do recheck it. If that is the case, you can ask a beta site to edit your story before posting it. Therefore, making your story more comprehended and better.
I talk too much, but yeah. Okay, your vocabulary was typical. I have no problems with it. It’s basically your choice on your precision of language.
Characterisation: 8/10
Your characterisation has nothing wrong with it. The only thing I ask for you to improve on is the way you portray their personalities. I know that you have given an idea of their characteristics, but you could’ve based all of their actions to the way they really are. Do you follow?
Writing Style: 7/10
GOOD! In the beginning, your writing style was… blah, but now, I LOVE IT! Even though you just started using this format, I can tell that you are slowly becoming more comfortable. If you continue improving like this, you can probably even become someone who can give advice herself. :D
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I enjoyed the story. It wasn’t bad at all. Looking forward to your next update, when you come back from China. :)
Sub Total: 66/100
Bonus: 3/5
I give you bonus because :
1. You requested at ROL
2. You improved quickly
3. For not getting insulted by my comments, but benefitting from it
Total: 69/100
P.S I hope you didn’t get disappointed by your grade. You did well for someone who started with script style. Hope to hear from you :D If anything, just get back at us at Rawr.Out.Loud!
Author: ILOVEARRONYAN
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ILOVEARRONYAN/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 3/5
Your title wasn’t bad, wasn’t exciting either. Personally, for me, it gives away a lot of the story. Somehow, just looking at the title, I already got the idea of the story where the girl is entangled by a decision on whether it’s love or just friendship. But that is just a prediction. If there is a sudden twist, this will make the story really good and unsuspected. Next time, you might want to keep your title less unrevealing and really questioning so that readers ask a lot of questions, leading them into reading your updates, right? Moving on, the connection the title has with the story was okay. I still understood the point of the title.
First Impression: 7/10
When I first opened your link, I found the poster and background clean. I liked the poster and how the color of fonts and titles are connected to the colors on the poster. It was really neat. I would like to see you improving on your writing formats though, so that it is much presentable.
Forewords: 6/10
I don’t think that your forewords is the typical forewords that will enlighten and give us a preview of the story. Basically, what I mean is that it’s missing a lot of elements. Firstly, you should introduce yourself more, so that the readers may get an idea on what your personality is, etc. Next, introduce the characters that are in the story, and some additional information about them. You don’t have to put every single character, but main ones. Then, you can add a preview/synopsis about what will happen in the story and what there is to look forward to. Lastly, just end with a simple authors note. This is the simple way to put a good forewords.
Plot: 9/15
Your plot is very common. Try to avoid scenes that may appear in different fanfics. & also, make sure that if ever you do take an idea from another fanfic that you change parts of it so it can be copyrighted under your name.
Creativity/Originality: 11/15
Despite the plot you used, I appreciate the fact that you tried to add your own creativity like adding the part where her dad beats her, etc. This grading system under creativity/originality really depends on how much c/o you add. So, this only means to add more of YOUR creativity and originality into it. If that were me, I could’ve added that maybe Aaron had something to do with her past. I know that you might’ve already read this type of addition but it never hurts to add different types of scenes and mould it into one. This can actually make it more interesting. Besides that, good job.
Flow: 6/10
The flow was fast. It happened too fast. Even though your fanfic is pretty long, the events happened too fast. I think that next time, you should give them more time to interact. Also, events happen even though I don’t even know they’re currently happening which creates a big blur and confusion for me. Make sure that you reread to clarify such instances.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Here, it was really tough for me to grade because you had A LOT of grammar and spelling mistakes, yet I understood what you were trying to say. The way you worded things and put them into a sentence was bad. You really need help on that. Overall, you need to improve on:
1. Knowing where to place: Periods, commas, etc. You tend to forget these punctuation marks. In other cases, you misplace them and put there someplace else.
2. Not repeating words in the same sentence. Sometimes, you can repeat words in one sentence, but not in all cases. Remember that in one sentence, there is no need of repeating a word. In example in your fanfic: “MC-Since we have a pair you two will be together at the ******, together.” You used ‘together’ twice, making it… an awkward sentence.
3. There is no need of using brackets. This is why I usually say that it is much better to prevent script style. I admit that, I too, used to use script style as my basic format, but it becomes hard especially when describing somebody’s actions. In example you said: “G&A-So...(laughing)” instead of saying that, you could’ve put it as: “So…” Guigui and Aaron said, laughing. It lessens confusion. I appreciate you changing your style later on in the story.
4. Spelling. You tend to have spelling mistakes, making it visible that you do not edit/recheck it. Maybe you do recheck it. If that is the case, you can ask a beta site to edit your story before posting it. Therefore, making your story more comprehended and better.
I talk too much, but yeah. Okay, your vocabulary was typical. I have no problems with it. It’s basically your choice on your precision of language.
Characterisation: 8/10
Your characterisation has nothing wrong with it. The only thing I ask for you to improve on is the way you portray their personalities. I know that you have given an idea of their characteristics, but you could’ve based all of their actions to the way they really are. Do you follow?
Writing Style: 7/10
GOOD! In the beginning, your writing style was… blah, but now, I LOVE IT! Even though you just started using this format, I can tell that you are slowly becoming more comfortable. If you continue improving like this, you can probably even become someone who can give advice herself. :D
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I enjoyed the story. It wasn’t bad at all. Looking forward to your next update, when you come back from China. :)
Sub Total: 66/100
Bonus: 3/5
I give you bonus because :
1. You requested at ROL
2. You improved quickly
3. For not getting insulted by my comments, but benefitting from it
Total: 69/100
P.S I hope you didn’t get disappointed by your grade. You did well for someone who started with script style. Hope to hear from you :D If anything, just get back at us at Rawr.Out.Loud!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Love Installation by babycrickett
Title: Love Installation
Author: babycrickett
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babycrickett2/
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4.5/5
Wow, your title is very original. I really found it interesting and new. It’s a very unique title. I didn’t quite get the connection of the title, the keyboard, and the caption. Since the caption says: “Have you located your HEART ma’am?” I found that it connected greatly with the title, but concerning the keyboard on the poster… I wasn’t so sure, UNTIL I read the forewords, I understood everything. But overall, I loved your title!
First Impression: 8/10
With first impression, I was really stunned. The title really captured my attention, while the poster and background were really done well. It did give me a bit of confusion, concerning the connections as I have mentioned before, but it was really good. I couldn’t wait to read it. Next time, just make sure that you improve on your quotes and poster features, because it can really confuse readers.
Forewords: 9/10
This is really tremendous! Even though the forewords is short, it was good enough to attract a reader in waiting for future updates. This is the first time I ever seen such a foreword structure. It didn’t consist of certain characters, but it was indeed interesting. Next time, maybe communicate with your readers, as of introducing yourself, etc. Besides that, I loved your forewords.
Plot: 15/15
This is the first time I actually gave someone a full mark on this topic. Your plot was definitely incredible and original! I have never seen or encountered such plot. Great job!
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Like I said, it was really different. It was really creative. It was interesting, plus it can teach many people a lesson. I didn’t give you a full mark because it felt as if something was missing. SOMETHING that can’t be identified… at least I can’t. But I honestly loved it.
Flow: 9/10
The flow was tremendous. No sudden stops, or fast forwards.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You rarely made mistakes, clearly, it was obvious that you edited it carefully. But there were at least 2 mistakes I noticed.
Characterisation: 5/10
For this fanfic, the characterisation was clearly acceptable, but since I’m supposed to mark you on this, you get a low mark, because the characters could be ANYONE.
Writing Style: 8/10
The writing style was good. It could be improved in various ways like the paragraph style, etc. As long as you don’t do it in script, it’ll be fine.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I guess this goes for the reviewer’s point of view. I liked it… but I wanted to, somehow, read this in a longer version, not a one-shot. I know that it’s going to be difficult… but you never know right?
Sub Total: 85.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
I have NEVER written such a short review! Saved time ;) Anyways, I gave you a 3 because:
1. The plot was unique
2. You requested at ROL
3. & You had a very interesting one shot.
Total: 88.5/100
THANKS for requesting at ROL! :)
Author: babycrickett
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babycrickett2/
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4.5/5
Wow, your title is very original. I really found it interesting and new. It’s a very unique title. I didn’t quite get the connection of the title, the keyboard, and the caption. Since the caption says: “Have you located your HEART ma’am?” I found that it connected greatly with the title, but concerning the keyboard on the poster… I wasn’t so sure, UNTIL I read the forewords, I understood everything. But overall, I loved your title!
First Impression: 8/10
With first impression, I was really stunned. The title really captured my attention, while the poster and background were really done well. It did give me a bit of confusion, concerning the connections as I have mentioned before, but it was really good. I couldn’t wait to read it. Next time, just make sure that you improve on your quotes and poster features, because it can really confuse readers.
Forewords: 9/10
This is really tremendous! Even though the forewords is short, it was good enough to attract a reader in waiting for future updates. This is the first time I ever seen such a foreword structure. It didn’t consist of certain characters, but it was indeed interesting. Next time, maybe communicate with your readers, as of introducing yourself, etc. Besides that, I loved your forewords.
Plot: 15/15
This is the first time I actually gave someone a full mark on this topic. Your plot was definitely incredible and original! I have never seen or encountered such plot. Great job!
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Like I said, it was really different. It was really creative. It was interesting, plus it can teach many people a lesson. I didn’t give you a full mark because it felt as if something was missing. SOMETHING that can’t be identified… at least I can’t. But I honestly loved it.
Flow: 9/10
The flow was tremendous. No sudden stops, or fast forwards.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You rarely made mistakes, clearly, it was obvious that you edited it carefully. But there were at least 2 mistakes I noticed.
Characterisation: 5/10
For this fanfic, the characterisation was clearly acceptable, but since I’m supposed to mark you on this, you get a low mark, because the characters could be ANYONE.
Writing Style: 8/10
The writing style was good. It could be improved in various ways like the paragraph style, etc. As long as you don’t do it in script, it’ll be fine.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I guess this goes for the reviewer’s point of view. I liked it… but I wanted to, somehow, read this in a longer version, not a one-shot. I know that it’s going to be difficult… but you never know right?
Sub Total: 85.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
I have NEVER written such a short review! Saved time ;) Anyways, I gave you a 3 because:
1. The plot was unique
2. You requested at ROL
3. & You had a very interesting one shot.
Total: 88.5/100
THANKS for requesting at ROL! :)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Unerased Memories by Stepha.nie
Title: Unerased Memories [ONE SHOT]
Author: Stepha.nie
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/stephshot01/
Status: COMPLETED
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
Personally, I liked your title, although ‘unerased’ isn’t really a word? I tried to search it up, but no. But the thought put in the story is extremely good.
First Impression: 7.5/10
Since it’s been a habit for me, I do not read fanfics without a poster and background. For me, I find it more interesting to read a fanfic with a poster, though the poster & background may look bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really picky with One Shots. One Shot’s without a poster & BG is fine because it isn’t really a long term fanfiction. But just to inform you that it would ATTRACT readers if you have a poster. Okay, since you will get your poster later on, I added marks to my first impression. NOTE this that first expression is what you felt about seeing the story at first site, so I hope you didn’t get offended by my comment? Lastly, your title was good. It did make me curious and want to read it.
Forewords: 7/10
I marked you easily on this because in a ONE SHOT fic, you aren’t supposed to give away much right? & since you followed my expectations, I gave you a 7. Yet why a 7? Firstly, because I’m really tough on this section. Secondly, because you could’ve improved it in many ways, like lengthening the forewords, separating your words apart from the FOREWORDS itself (do you follow?) & by adding cliffhangers which would make your reader wait for future updates. I did like your summary though. I found it unique in many ways. 1) That you gave 2 summaries which corresponded with each other and 2) that you kept it plain. Oh! & I almost forgot, you should introduce your characters here. :)
Plot: 12/15
Your plot was rather interesting. I liked it. I have nothing else to say.
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Here, you added your own creativity & originality. Despite the common plot, you managed to add your own loops and ending. Good job.
Flow: 8/10
Since it’s a One Shot, I found the flow rather compatible with the story. It wasn’t too fast or too slow. Just make sure not to add TOO many details. It’s good to have details, but don’t add too many that may delay the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
I was straining with this one. You had a lot of grammar mistakes, yet I managed to understand it.
Mistakes you made:
1. When you mention “I” always capitalize it.
- “…i sensed that my mom is calling me but i ignored her…”
- …i don't want to be fooled by my mom anymore.
2. Your tenses were really off, and the way you conjugate a verb.
- I putted down my chopstick… - if ever putted was a word, putted isn’t right for this tense, or ANY tense. It should be: I placed my chopstick down…
3. When placing periods, commas, etc., do not make such a huge gap between them:
- " Yes , coming. " I replied.
- " Joo Yeon , the lunch is ready. "
Okay, I know I talk too much, but I’m here to help you out. I hope you understand. Also, in good terms, I liked your format, etc. & I understood what you were trying to point out.
Characterization: 9/10
Characters are made or chosen from the interest of the author. I didn’t give you a full mark because I didn’t get to learn about the characters. Like I didn’t get to see their personality much… etc.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your style was good, but at some point, you were all over the place… so next time, just organize it in paragraphs, quotes, etc.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
:) Good job. I want to remain silent about this one.
Sub Total: 64/100
Bonus: 5/5
I give you 5 because:
- For requesting @ ROR
- For not getting insulted by my comments.
- For writing your first One shot fic
- For comprehending my comments
- & by writing interesting fanfics :)
Total: 69/100
Thanks for requesting @ ROL!
Author: Stepha.nie
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/stephshot01/
Status: COMPLETED
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
Personally, I liked your title, although ‘unerased’ isn’t really a word? I tried to search it up, but no. But the thought put in the story is extremely good.
First Impression: 7.5/10
Since it’s been a habit for me, I do not read fanfics without a poster and background. For me, I find it more interesting to read a fanfic with a poster, though the poster & background may look bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really picky with One Shots. One Shot’s without a poster & BG is fine because it isn’t really a long term fanfiction. But just to inform you that it would ATTRACT readers if you have a poster. Okay, since you will get your poster later on, I added marks to my first impression. NOTE this that first expression is what you felt about seeing the story at first site, so I hope you didn’t get offended by my comment? Lastly, your title was good. It did make me curious and want to read it.
Forewords: 7/10
I marked you easily on this because in a ONE SHOT fic, you aren’t supposed to give away much right? & since you followed my expectations, I gave you a 7. Yet why a 7? Firstly, because I’m really tough on this section. Secondly, because you could’ve improved it in many ways, like lengthening the forewords, separating your words apart from the FOREWORDS itself (do you follow?) & by adding cliffhangers which would make your reader wait for future updates. I did like your summary though. I found it unique in many ways. 1) That you gave 2 summaries which corresponded with each other and 2) that you kept it plain. Oh! & I almost forgot, you should introduce your characters here. :)
Plot: 12/15
Your plot was rather interesting. I liked it. I have nothing else to say.
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Here, you added your own creativity & originality. Despite the common plot, you managed to add your own loops and ending. Good job.
Flow: 8/10
Since it’s a One Shot, I found the flow rather compatible with the story. It wasn’t too fast or too slow. Just make sure not to add TOO many details. It’s good to have details, but don’t add too many that may delay the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
I was straining with this one. You had a lot of grammar mistakes, yet I managed to understand it.
Mistakes you made:
1. When you mention “I” always capitalize it.
- “…i sensed that my mom is calling me but i ignored her…”
- …i don't want to be fooled by my mom anymore.
2. Your tenses were really off, and the way you conjugate a verb.
- I putted down my chopstick… - if ever putted was a word, putted isn’t right for this tense, or ANY tense. It should be: I placed my chopstick down…
3. When placing periods, commas, etc., do not make such a huge gap between them:
- " Yes , coming. " I replied.
- " Joo Yeon , the lunch is ready. "
Okay, I know I talk too much, but I’m here to help you out. I hope you understand. Also, in good terms, I liked your format, etc. & I understood what you were trying to point out.
Characterization: 9/10
Characters are made or chosen from the interest of the author. I didn’t give you a full mark because I didn’t get to learn about the characters. Like I didn’t get to see their personality much… etc.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your style was good, but at some point, you were all over the place… so next time, just organize it in paragraphs, quotes, etc.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
:) Good job. I want to remain silent about this one.
Sub Total: 64/100
Bonus: 5/5
I give you 5 because:
- For requesting @ ROR
- For not getting insulted by my comments.
- For writing your first One shot fic
- For comprehending my comments
- & by writing interesting fanfics :)
Total: 69/100
Thanks for requesting @ ROL!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
If I Was the One by Cupcake10000
Title: If I Was the One
Author: Cupcake10000
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Cupcake10000/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza
Title: 3/5
Your title was quite impressive for a new author. But since you’re new, you won’t receive a high mark. Usually, we want titles that are in the PRESENT tense, whereas the title should be “If I Were the One.” Your title by far is alright concerning connection to the story. Besides all of that, it’s all good.
First Impression: 8/10
I was stunned. Everything was tremendous. Though the title isn’t perfect, the poster and background is awesome. I love the color and mood chosen for the story. Great job! Next time, just change the font color, and make it blend, yet stand out with the background and poster. Basically saying that it should match. Great job!
Forewords: 6 /10
Your introduction of characters was good. You gave detailed yet simple introductions. Your synopsis wasn’t as thrilling though. It isn’t very unique. Unlike the introduction of characters, you didn’t give cliffhangers which will really make the readers stay tune. But since you’re new, it’s all good. You have a great writing career ahead of you if you learn from the advices given to you.
Plot: 7/15
Your plot was alright. Not much surprise for me. It’s like the usual: the boy leaves for another country, and promises the girl something. He comes back, but the girl meets another guy. Now the boy who left wants to win her heart again…etc. Your story might not exactly be like that, but it’s very predictable.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Hence the very ‘popular’ plot, you added some of your own creativity to it… so I gave you a 10.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow was good. It wasn’t too fast or slow. I have nothing else to say. Next time, give the characters some time to be around each other, THEN let them start liking each other.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I’m so mean. But yeah, I only gave you a 7.5 because I know that I can expect more from you. You made a lot of grammar mistakes, but I still understood what you were trying to say… Next time, try to reread and/or get someone to edit for you.
Characterization: 9/10
I gave you a high mark here not only because I’m a GUILUN fan, but because the characters do have sweet moments in real life. You chose good pairings. Be sure to add new characters to twist stories up, in your next fanfic.
Writing Style: 6/10
I used to write in this style, but I found it really annoying after a while.
In example: Gui Gui:*still sleepy*5 more minutes mom
Please write in paragraph form next time, or any other form besides script. This will increase your grade.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Personally, I liked your fanfic and can’t wait till your future chapters… :) The format just wasn’t too good. But overall, I enjoyed it.
Sub Total: 68.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
1. I give you a bonus for requesting at Rawr.Out.Loud for your first Fanfic.
2. For not getting upset with my comments
3. & lastly, for supporting GUILUN <3 :)
Total: 71.5/100
Thank you!
Review Requested @ Rawr-out-loud.blogspot.com
Author: Cupcake10000
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Cupcake10000/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza
Title: 3/5
Your title was quite impressive for a new author. But since you’re new, you won’t receive a high mark. Usually, we want titles that are in the PRESENT tense, whereas the title should be “If I Were the One.” Your title by far is alright concerning connection to the story. Besides all of that, it’s all good.
First Impression: 8/10
I was stunned. Everything was tremendous. Though the title isn’t perfect, the poster and background is awesome. I love the color and mood chosen for the story. Great job! Next time, just change the font color, and make it blend, yet stand out with the background and poster. Basically saying that it should match. Great job!
Forewords: 6 /10
Your introduction of characters was good. You gave detailed yet simple introductions. Your synopsis wasn’t as thrilling though. It isn’t very unique. Unlike the introduction of characters, you didn’t give cliffhangers which will really make the readers stay tune. But since you’re new, it’s all good. You have a great writing career ahead of you if you learn from the advices given to you.
Plot: 7/15
Your plot was alright. Not much surprise for me. It’s like the usual: the boy leaves for another country, and promises the girl something. He comes back, but the girl meets another guy. Now the boy who left wants to win her heart again…etc. Your story might not exactly be like that, but it’s very predictable.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Hence the very ‘popular’ plot, you added some of your own creativity to it… so I gave you a 10.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow was good. It wasn’t too fast or slow. I have nothing else to say. Next time, give the characters some time to be around each other, THEN let them start liking each other.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I’m so mean. But yeah, I only gave you a 7.5 because I know that I can expect more from you. You made a lot of grammar mistakes, but I still understood what you were trying to say… Next time, try to reread and/or get someone to edit for you.
Characterization: 9/10
I gave you a high mark here not only because I’m a GUILUN fan, but because the characters do have sweet moments in real life. You chose good pairings. Be sure to add new characters to twist stories up, in your next fanfic.
Writing Style: 6/10
I used to write in this style, but I found it really annoying after a while.
In example: Gui Gui:*still sleepy*5 more minutes mom
Please write in paragraph form next time, or any other form besides script. This will increase your grade.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Personally, I liked your fanfic and can’t wait till your future chapters… :) The format just wasn’t too good. But overall, I enjoyed it.
Sub Total: 68.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
1. I give you a bonus for requesting at Rawr.Out.Loud for your first Fanfic.
2. For not getting upset with my comments
3. & lastly, for supporting GUILUN <3 :)
Total: 71.5/100
Thank you!
Review Requested @ Rawr-out-loud.blogspot.com
Sunday, May 31, 2009
An Angel In Hell by TopToryfangurl~;D
Title: An Angel In Hell {D A (R) K F I C}
Author: TopToryfangurl~;D
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/AngelHell
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza-LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. I have NOTHING against the author. – Latienza
Title: 4/5
The title itself was straight to the point, and at the same time, it was very attractive in terms of captivating a reader’s attention. I didn’t give you a full mark though because the title kind of gave away the main idea, but it was all good. I have to give you props though in connecting the title really well with the story. Great job.
First Impression: 8/10
This section is usually for the Reviewer. So I might be the only one who has this type of impression. Just opening this fanfic, I felt the thrill in reading this type of story. Especially with the characters that were chosen. I only gave you an 8 because reading for forewords and such, I was confused if it was really a Rated fanfic because you kept indicating that it was, then it wasn’t so… better get that straight.
Forewords: 7/10
You did more of connecting with the reader than actually giving a foreword. In addition, if you had expanded your thoughts in your forewords, your mark could’ve increased. But I have to tell you the truth, I found your prologue interesting. You just need to think about what’s missing like introduction of characters, etc, and what’s not needed.
Plot: 13.5/15
The plot was very different than others. It really portrays reality. Not some fairytale, but reality. I guess, what I’m trying to say is that it really gives readers an insight of the ‘real’ world. A 13.5 was well deserved.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Your overall creativity was good. There weren’t any problems with it. The poster and background really suit the story. With originality, it was also good. Your fanfic is unique, but I guess I’ve found some of your scenes in other stories, earning you a 14. Still pretty high, no?
Flow: 9/10
The flow was good. No stopping. It kept going as was expected.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Honestly, nothing was wrong with your vocabulary, your precision of language was acceptable and at the same time, unique. Spelling/Grammar on the other hand, was alright. A few mistakes were made. The only thing you need I guess is to reread your chapter, after being written to prevent mistakes like: “He made his over to the bed.”
Characterization: 8/10
Your characterization was good. No problems with it. I’m not really familiar with these characters, so I have nothing against it… for now. Haha. I do somewhat get confused because there may be too many major characters. You may not know it but, minor characters shouldn’t be in important scenes ALL the time. You didn’t have a problem with that, but I just wanted to tell you that next time, don’t make too many major characters. Focus on 2 or 3 major, then the rest minors. It may just be me, so please excuse me, but I am still a reader right?
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style didn’t really bother me. It was easy to read, but I guess you should just describe more. Add more details, not only to the characters, but in the setting, moods, etc.
Overall Enjoyment: 2.5/5
I enjoyed it, but I guess I don’t like seeing people do those violent things to themselves. It’s not really the authors fault. It’s mine. It’s my opinion so…
Sub Total: 74/100
Bonus: 2/5
I gave you a 2 for requesting @ Rawr.Out.Loud for both poster/background & review :)
Total: 76/100
Author: TopToryfangurl~;D
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/AngelHell
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza-LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. I have NOTHING against the author. – Latienza
Title: 4/5
The title itself was straight to the point, and at the same time, it was very attractive in terms of captivating a reader’s attention. I didn’t give you a full mark though because the title kind of gave away the main idea, but it was all good. I have to give you props though in connecting the title really well with the story. Great job.
First Impression: 8/10
This section is usually for the Reviewer. So I might be the only one who has this type of impression. Just opening this fanfic, I felt the thrill in reading this type of story. Especially with the characters that were chosen. I only gave you an 8 because reading for forewords and such, I was confused if it was really a Rated fanfic because you kept indicating that it was, then it wasn’t so… better get that straight.
Forewords: 7/10
You did more of connecting with the reader than actually giving a foreword. In addition, if you had expanded your thoughts in your forewords, your mark could’ve increased. But I have to tell you the truth, I found your prologue interesting. You just need to think about what’s missing like introduction of characters, etc, and what’s not needed.
Plot: 13.5/15
The plot was very different than others. It really portrays reality. Not some fairytale, but reality. I guess, what I’m trying to say is that it really gives readers an insight of the ‘real’ world. A 13.5 was well deserved.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Your overall creativity was good. There weren’t any problems with it. The poster and background really suit the story. With originality, it was also good. Your fanfic is unique, but I guess I’ve found some of your scenes in other stories, earning you a 14. Still pretty high, no?
Flow: 9/10
The flow was good. No stopping. It kept going as was expected.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Honestly, nothing was wrong with your vocabulary, your precision of language was acceptable and at the same time, unique. Spelling/Grammar on the other hand, was alright. A few mistakes were made. The only thing you need I guess is to reread your chapter, after being written to prevent mistakes like: “He made his over to the bed.”
Characterization: 8/10
Your characterization was good. No problems with it. I’m not really familiar with these characters, so I have nothing against it… for now. Haha. I do somewhat get confused because there may be too many major characters. You may not know it but, minor characters shouldn’t be in important scenes ALL the time. You didn’t have a problem with that, but I just wanted to tell you that next time, don’t make too many major characters. Focus on 2 or 3 major, then the rest minors. It may just be me, so please excuse me, but I am still a reader right?
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style didn’t really bother me. It was easy to read, but I guess you should just describe more. Add more details, not only to the characters, but in the setting, moods, etc.
Overall Enjoyment: 2.5/5
I enjoyed it, but I guess I don’t like seeing people do those violent things to themselves. It’s not really the authors fault. It’s mine. It’s my opinion so…
Sub Total: 74/100
Bonus: 2/5
I gave you a 2 for requesting @ Rawr.Out.Loud for both poster/background & review :)
Total: 76/100
Heartbeat by jwyl
Title: Heartbeat
Author: Jwyl
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jwyl01
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza-LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza
Title: -4/5
I gave you a 4 because I found the title very interesting, yet for me, I feel as if something was missing. Not everyone would be captured and persuaded in reading your fanfic, due to your title. But I ensure you that it is still a captivating title
First Impression: -8/10
When I first open a link/fanfic, I always look at the connection that the title and poster have. It gave me a very good impression. Yet why did I give you an 8? It’s because the background could be improved. This goes mostly to the artist I guess… The quotes you chose were very interesting as well.
Forewords: -5/10
The forewords itself is self-explanatory. You need to add more detail, but since it’s a One-Shot, I gave you a 5.
Plot: -13/15
The plot was very very very good. You could, although, improve in many ways such as adding twists... but since it's a one-shot, it was alright. 13 is the most deserved because the part near the ending was predictable, but the ending itself was outstanding.
Creativity/Originality: -14/15
People usually like to have a happy ending. Yours was a mixture of both happy and sad ending which was greatly appreciated especially with the type of plot and storyline you chose. So I gave you a 14.
Flow: -9/10
The flow was good. Nothing happened too fast, or too slow. I just don’t give full marks when I know that there is something missing.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: -8/10
I really wanted to mark you hard on this one, but it was very hard to find mistakes. But there were a few. For example: “After today, we’ll be together forever Ri In.” You have to remember the COMMA when indicating a name. Overall, I liked your precision of language.
Characterization: -8/10
I gave you a 8 because you really didn’t have a choice with your characters. But the minor characters were a good pick.
Writing Style: -8/10
I liked your writing style. It wasn’t in script style earning you an 8. It could be improved like by describing Junsu’s tux more, or Ri In’s dress… etc. You get the point right?
Overall Enjoyment: -3/5
I enjoyed your story. But since I’m not a huge fan of Junsu, I gave a 4. It’s not really your fault.
Sub Total: -81/100
Bonus: -1/5
I would’ve given you higher if it was a longer story. Hahah.
Total: -82/100
Author: Jwyl
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jwyl01
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza-LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza
Title: -4/5
I gave you a 4 because I found the title very interesting, yet for me, I feel as if something was missing. Not everyone would be captured and persuaded in reading your fanfic, due to your title. But I ensure you that it is still a captivating title
First Impression: -8/10
When I first open a link/fanfic, I always look at the connection that the title and poster have. It gave me a very good impression. Yet why did I give you an 8? It’s because the background could be improved. This goes mostly to the artist I guess… The quotes you chose were very interesting as well.
Forewords: -5/10
The forewords itself is self-explanatory. You need to add more detail, but since it’s a One-Shot, I gave you a 5.
Plot: -13/15
The plot was very very very good. You could, although, improve in many ways such as adding twists... but since it's a one-shot, it was alright. 13 is the most deserved because the part near the ending was predictable, but the ending itself was outstanding.
Creativity/Originality: -14/15
People usually like to have a happy ending. Yours was a mixture of both happy and sad ending which was greatly appreciated especially with the type of plot and storyline you chose. So I gave you a 14.
Flow: -9/10
The flow was good. Nothing happened too fast, or too slow. I just don’t give full marks when I know that there is something missing.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: -8/10
I really wanted to mark you hard on this one, but it was very hard to find mistakes. But there were a few. For example: “After today, we’ll be together forever Ri In.” You have to remember the COMMA when indicating a name. Overall, I liked your precision of language.
Characterization: -8/10
I gave you a 8 because you really didn’t have a choice with your characters. But the minor characters were a good pick.
Writing Style: -8/10
I liked your writing style. It wasn’t in script style earning you an 8. It could be improved like by describing Junsu’s tux more, or Ri In’s dress… etc. You get the point right?
Overall Enjoyment: -3/5
I enjoyed your story. But since I’m not a huge fan of Junsu, I gave a 4. It’s not really your fault.
Sub Total: -81/100
Bonus: -1/5
I would’ve given you higher if it was a longer story. Hahah.
Total: -82/100
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