Love or friend? by ILOVEARRONYAN

Title: Love or friend?
Author: ILOVEARRONYAN
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ILOVEARRONYAN/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud


*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza


Title: 3/5
Your title wasn’t bad, wasn’t exciting either. Personally, for me, it gives away a lot of the story. Somehow, just looking at the title, I already got the idea of the story where the girl is entangled by a decision on whether it’s love or just friendship. But that is just a prediction. If there is a sudden twist, this will make the story really good and unsuspected. Next time, you might want to keep your title less unrevealing and really questioning so that readers ask a lot of questions, leading them into reading your updates, right? Moving on, the connection the title has with the story was okay. I still understood the point of the title.

First Impression: 7/10
When I first opened your link, I found the poster and background clean. I liked the poster and how the color of fonts and titles are connected to the colors on the poster. It was really neat. I would like to see you improving on your writing formats though, so that it is much presentable.

Forewords: 6/10
I don’t think that your forewords is the typical forewords that will enlighten and give us a preview of the story. Basically, what I mean is that it’s missing a lot of elements. Firstly, you should introduce yourself more, so that the readers may get an idea on what your personality is, etc. Next, introduce the characters that are in the story, and some additional information about them. You don’t have to put every single character, but main ones. Then, you can add a preview/synopsis about what will happen in the story and what there is to look forward to. Lastly, just end with a simple authors note. This is the simple way to put a good forewords.

Plot: 9/15
Your plot is very common. Try to avoid scenes that may appear in different fanfics. & also, make sure that if ever you do take an idea from another fanfic that you change parts of it so it can be copyrighted under your name.

Creativity/Originality: 11/15
Despite the plot you used, I appreciate the fact that you tried to add your own creativity like adding the part where her dad beats her, etc. This grading system under creativity/originality really depends on how much c/o you add. So, this only means to add more of YOUR creativity and originality into it. If that were me, I could’ve added that maybe Aaron had something to do with her past. I know that you might’ve already read this type of addition but it never hurts to add different types of scenes and mould it into one. This can actually make it more interesting. Besides that, good job.

Flow: 6/10
The flow was fast. It happened too fast. Even though your fanfic is pretty long, the events happened too fast. I think that next time, you should give them more time to interact. Also, events happen even though I don’t even know they’re currently happening which creates a big blur and confusion for me. Make sure that you reread to clarify such instances.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Here, it was really tough for me to grade because you had A LOT of grammar and spelling mistakes, yet I understood what you were trying to say. The way you worded things and put them into a sentence was bad. You really need help on that. Overall, you need to improve on:
1. Knowing where to place: Periods, commas, etc. You tend to forget these punctuation marks. In other cases, you misplace them and put there someplace else.
2. Not repeating words in the same sentence. Sometimes, you can repeat words in one sentence, but not in all cases. Remember that in one sentence, there is no need of repeating a word. In example in your fanfic: “MC-Since we have a pair you two will be together at the ******, together.” You used ‘together’ twice, making it… an awkward sentence.
3. There is no need of using brackets. This is why I usually say that it is much better to prevent script style. I admit that, I too, used to use script style as my basic format, but it becomes hard especially when describing somebody’s actions. In example you said: “G&A-So...(laughing)” instead of saying that, you could’ve put it as: “So…” Guigui and Aaron said, laughing. It lessens confusion. I appreciate you changing your style later on in the story.
4. Spelling. You tend to have spelling mistakes, making it visible that you do not edit/recheck it. Maybe you do recheck it. If that is the case, you can ask a beta site to edit your story before posting it. Therefore, making your story more comprehended and better.
I talk too much, but yeah. Okay, your vocabulary was typical. I have no problems with it. It’s basically your choice on your precision of language.

Characterisation: 8/10
Your characterisation has nothing wrong with it. The only thing I ask for you to improve on is the way you portray their personalities. I know that you have given an idea of their characteristics, but you could’ve based all of their actions to the way they really are. Do you follow?

Writing Style: 7/10
GOOD! In the beginning, your writing style was… blah, but now, I LOVE IT! Even though you just started using this format, I can tell that you are slowly becoming more comfortable. If you continue improving like this, you can probably even become someone who can give advice herself. :D

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I enjoyed the story. It wasn’t bad at all. Looking forward to your next update, when you come back from China. :)

Sub Total: 66/100

Bonus: 3/5
I give you bonus because :
1. You requested at ROL
2. You improved quickly
3. For not getting insulted by my comments, but benefitting from it

Total: 69/100
P.S I hope you didn’t get disappointed by your grade. You did well for someone who started with script style. Hope to hear from you :D If anything, just get back at us at Rawr.Out.Loud!