A plea of remembrance by ixie1504/ Xfactor

Author : ixie1504/ Xfactor
Title : A plea of remembrance
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Porkypig2/
Status : completed
Reviewer : Anna @ RawrOutLoud


Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 3.5/5
I don't quite get your title at first and it was a bit over the top. Eventhough it matches (somehow) with what the story is trying to tell; I still think that there are better ways to pick your story title. A plea of remembrance, it simply placed me in a thought or an action where it was something I should remember for as long as I live; but that wasn't the story all about. It was more to something forgotten, something deep and meaningful but it had to be forgotten necessarily.

First impression : 4/10
I am not sure whether to give you marks or just leave this part out. Since the whole thing is 'first impression', it involves on judging the font colors and all. If I were to check for your poster and bg, I would skip this and I won't count the mark (cause you don't have neither poster nor bg). However, I will have to tell about my first impression that includes the colors.
The color thick blue never had its place on my good side; why? For me, thick blue seems rather boring and it doesn't bring much excitement to your story. I suppose black and white would be great for a sad-themed story, but never blue.

Forewords : 3/10
I am very strict when it comes to the forewords and I know my reason why. Most of the writers have very good style of writing, not to mention their enhancing ways of plotting the story. What's making it sad is that you have such short introduction. This is where you CAN lose readers. If they see that short and vague forewords, they won't be interested to continue on reading your stories.

Plot : 10/15
I kind of liked the plot when I first read it. Not everyone knows about this disease and it will be a good one if you know how to plot it nicely. Since this is one-shot, it didn't tell much on how they interacted with each other and thus the impact given to me wasn't that deep. Supposedly I would like to see sad plots instead of cliché, but this plot confused me instead of making me touched. Maybe it was because of the sudden narration change and the abrupt ending of them together. At first I assumed that Ella was the one that had the disease but when I started to get familiar with it, the narration changed to Chun (which completely taken me off). I know you were trying to make a twist in that story so your readers won't expect what will happen, but remember that abrupt changes will affect the plot too. If you didn't leave that little explaination, I would be confused until now.

Creativity/ Originality : 12.5/15
Thanks for using that Alzheimer disease instead of other 'common' ones to separate those two lovebirds. You may have your point for being creative but I can't give you full marks for originality. Eventhough your twist in the story made people confuse, I still think that you were brave enough to do so. If only you know how to control the pace, then you'd get higher mark.

Flow : 7.5/10
The flow at first was okay. The middle part and the ending were rushed.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
I realized that you are doing well in your vocabularies and it's quite amusing to see such lovely words. Take note that you also did some errors in your tense as well as your spelling. You jumbled up some words but nonetheless, it was okay.

Characterization : 7/10
Well done. Except that Ella and Chun gave me another impression when you tweaked the plot. Some characters' details weren't described fully.

Writing style : 10/10
Neat and very good.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
Not really enjoyable but it was fine for me. I am sure that your readers love it a lot.

Sub total : 68.5/100

Bonus : 2/5
For replying to your readers and also for thanking them.

Total : 70.5/100
Sorry that the reviewer who was supposed to review this for you was busy so I had to take it. I hope you won't mind and do continue to write ^^