Arrange Marriage by YSLOVER

Author : YSLOVER
Title : Arrange Marriage [YAOI]
Link : www.winglin.net/fanfic/YSLOVER2
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 2/5
Just plain and it only tells that it's about an arranged marriage. Not really surprising though as your story is basically focused on the marriage. I don't see any hard obstacles to connect to the title of your fic. Still, I was expecting something even brighter and challenging. After all, we're attracting readers. I know that perhaps you have enough readers since there are a lot of Yoosu fans out there but it'll be nicer if you spend your time more to think about a better title.

First impression : 6/10
To start off, I would like to say something about the poster; I like it, but something needs to be done with the contrast and blending. I found it lovely at first and it suits the story but the black background totally kills the whole poster. The poster should go with lighter background, not dark. It gives two feelings at a time; confusion and blurry. Otherwise, it's still nice.

Forewords : 0/10
No introduction, I'm sorry but I am disappointed to give you that score too. I wish I could remove it but it is part of the score-counting, so I can't. Why not produce some introductions or a little snippet of the story to tell us what is going to happen? Based on myself, foreword is what makes people interested to read your fic, so don't miss it.

Plot : 8/15
I am trying my best to be lenient in giving scores but I am sure you know that the plotline is quite confusing and rushed. I don't know if you have noticed but there are many superfluous parts which made me very irritated to see. Like, the part where his mother making her own decision and Junsu wasn't able to fight it. Yoochun plays some kind of dumbfounded guy, which is very irrational to me. I know this is YAOI, but try to reduce the cliché scene. Express more on how the fell in love, why, and how did they go through it. Your plotline is very simple and straightforward, and the chapters are quite short too.

Creativity/ Originality : 9.5/15
Here we go again, I WOULD repeat myself but I hope you won't feel bored reading this. Arrange marriage is something very common, although it merely exists in this modern era. Still, the idea is not brought up originally and the twists are pretty much the same too, which is why you don't have any originality left. Be proud of your creativity, it does help you in the story. The way you make it very hilarious makes me want to read the story more. I love how humor can get in between, so well done.

Flow : 7/10
It was fast alright. At one second, they were fighting and the next, they're married. Slow down the pace a little and describe how things happen. You cannot just rush things as if the characters don't have their own feelings. It's like watching a forwarded movie, it's too fast.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
I don't see any new, big chunk of words being used. Just a simple English but it's okay as long as you know how to take care of your tenses. Using good vocabulary will help you to improve the way to describe things, thus making your story more interesting and less draggy and less boring. I believe you can improve, there's always room for it.

Characterization : 5/10
Ah, yes. Your characters weren't fully described as the flow was too fast. You didn't explain and dig out their personalities so I couldn't really see through them. All I know that Junsu acts childish and a little bit immature, together with his mother (although he's way different in real life. I respect people's view).

Writing style : 8/10
Quite good but you can still improve with good range of vocabulary. It's spaced out and neat, keep it up.

Overall enjoyment : 5/5
Push all those negative comments aside, I love the fic. It's funny and although the plot is common, I honestly enjoyed reading :)
Especially with the hugging part when Junsu's mother mistook it as “bonding”. A good laugh, thank you for that.

Sub total : 56.5/100

Bonus : 3/5
For the effort.

Total : 59.5/100
I hope you won't be degraded by the score and keep writing ^^ Sorry that your preferred reviewer wasn't available so I had to do it instead. Hwaiting!