Star Lover by Riz-2611

Title: Star Lover
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/riz03/
Author: Riz-2611
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud

Title: 4/5
The title is kinda catchy...

First Impression: 8/10
Like the poster and background. It gives off a good feeling about your story...

Forewords: 8/10
So interesting !

Plot: 7/15
It's not the first time I've read this kind of plots. And to tell you the truth, you
need more improvement.

Creativity/Originality: 6/15
You need more improvement to imagine more realistic story lines.

Flow: 4/10
To tell you the truth, some chapters are a mess...

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 2/10
You have multiple errors but I would just like to show
you some errors so that you can improve and edit your story.
1. (Chapter 7)
You said:
Jiro’s POV
Ella, you are my friend. I will never let you to be suffering again.
End POV
*Correct:
Jiro's POV
Ella, you are my friend. I don't want to see you suffering again.
End POV

2. You said:
Dr. Lim: I will not let you to do that!
*Correct:
Dr. Lim: I will not allow you to do so !

3. You said:
Dr. Lim: I take care of you when you was little until now, I would never let you do that!
*Correct:
I took care of you when you were still little and until now. I won't allow you to do this to yourself !

4.You said:
Ella: That is a lie! I never get healthy! My cancer spread to my other system in my body and I don’t want it to spread into my heart!
*Correct:
Ella: That's a lie, I will never be healthy again ! The cancer already spread to my other systems in my body and I don't want it to affect my heart !

5.You said:
Lim: He wants to talk to you but me illegal him to do that.
*Correct:
Lim: He wants to talk to you but I forbid him to do so since were going to operate soon.

Characterization: 8/10
I like how you gave a small brief about their love life. =]

Writing Style: 5/10
It doesn't matter what kind of style you do, the most important this is,
the reader can imagine your story and can feel the emotions and understand your story fully which that's what you lack in your story.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I think they were a little childish. A person whose in a critical condition, even if they hate him/her for the sake of their loved one or a close friend, they should be mature enough to act their own age especially their profession is all about saving lives !

Sub Total: 46/100

Bonus: 0/5
I'm sorry but you really need improvement with your grammar... =]

Total: 46/100
Oh no ! This is the first review I gave a small grade. =[ I'm sorry if I have offended you in any
way but I'm just doing my job as a fair reviewer. =] It hurts for me to give you a low score. I don't want to pull down writers instead, encourage them to practice more. So I would like to
recommend you to a site so that the next time you would do a story, you can let them edit
it for you or you can learn to increase your vocabulary by taking lessons in tutorials. (I'm not sure if all sites have tutorials... =] ) I would like to help you cause I believe your a very
good writer, you just need improvement... Thank you for giving me a chance to review your story and i hope you would take my comments as a compliment.... ^^ Have A Nice Day!