If I Was the One by Cupcake10000

Title: If I Was the One
Author: Cupcake10000
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Cupcake10000/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud

*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza

Title: 3/5
Your title was quite impressive for a new author. But since you’re new, you won’t receive a high mark. Usually, we want titles that are in the PRESENT tense, whereas the title should be “If I Were the One.” Your title by far is alright concerning connection to the story. Besides all of that, it’s all good.

First Impression: 8/10
I was stunned. Everything was tremendous. Though the title isn’t perfect, the poster and background is awesome. I love the color and mood chosen for the story. Great job! Next time, just change the font color, and make it blend, yet stand out with the background and poster. Basically saying that it should match. Great job!

Forewords: 6 /10
Your introduction of characters was good. You gave detailed yet simple introductions. Your synopsis wasn’t as thrilling though. It isn’t very unique. Unlike the introduction of characters, you didn’t give cliffhangers which will really make the readers stay tune. But since you’re new, it’s all good. You have a great writing career ahead of you if you learn from the advices given to you.

Plot: 7/15
Your plot was alright. Not much surprise for me. It’s like the usual: the boy leaves for another country, and promises the girl something. He comes back, but the girl meets another guy. Now the boy who left wants to win her heart again…etc. Your story might not exactly be like that, but it’s very predictable.

Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Hence the very ‘popular’ plot, you added some of your own creativity to it… so I gave you a 10.

Flow: 8/10
Your flow was good. It wasn’t too fast or slow. I have nothing else to say. Next time, give the characters some time to be around each other, THEN let them start liking each other.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I’m so mean. But yeah, I only gave you a 7.5 because I know that I can expect more from you. You made a lot of grammar mistakes, but I still understood what you were trying to say… Next time, try to reread and/or get someone to edit for you.

Characterization: 9/10
I gave you a high mark here not only because I’m a GUILUN fan, but because the characters do have sweet moments in real life. You chose good pairings. Be sure to add new characters to twist stories up, in your next fanfic.

Writing Style: 6/10
I used to write in this style, but I found it really annoying after a while.
In example: Gui Gui:*still sleepy*5 more minutes mom
Please write in paragraph form next time, or any other form besides script. This will increase your grade.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Personally, I liked your fanfic and can’t wait till your future chapters… :) The format just wasn’t too good. But overall, I enjoyed it.

Sub Total: 68.5/100

Bonus: 3/5
1. I give you a bonus for requesting at Rawr.Out.Loud for your first Fanfic.
2. For not getting upset with my comments
3. & lastly, for supporting GUILUN <3 :)

Total: 71.5/100

Thank you!
Review Requested @ Rawr-out-loud.blogspot.com