Devil may cry by Taemin / Yunnie

Author : Taemin / Yunnie
Title : Devil may cry
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/devil_may_cry/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.

Title : 3/5
To say that your title is okay is just not it. It is in between. Let’s just say that it doesn’t reveal the whole plot of your story YET. I believe that sooner it will :D

Poster/Background : 7/10
The red color is okay, since you’re portraying a devil here. The pictures of them are neatly done but not that ‘glowing’. The text is too blended and it will not (50-50) grasp the attention of your readers. By looking at it, I know that your characters are a lot, and only half of their faces were shown and mostly are close ups. The quality is okay, although I will like it better to see an artistic work.

Forewords : 1/10
Sorry, but I guess you’ve noticed that you only put these..

“One game.
Twenty players.
Ten standing at the end.”

It doesn’t reveal anything at all.

After that you started saying about applying in your fic. Even if this is an apply fic, a small introduction is appreciated to spice up the story before it started. The three lines above are better to go with the poster as a small “quote.”

Plot : 12/15
The plot was similar to what I’ve reviewed/ read before. It’s about a gap between the two groups and the “mystery” of DBSK signing out from SM entertainment. Which is predictable of what’s going to happen. I know that you have the great plot in your mind, you just need to slowly push them in one by one.

Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Originality… is maybe because of your own plotting line of the story. I will not say that the story is original itself but maybe I will say that it is original because the author made it herself. I have nothing much to say here as maybe you know the reason why.

Flow : 7/10
It went fast at the early chapters. I know that your characters are mostly your readers and you don’t want to disappoint them so you tried to put them in as many as you can without realizing that it had disturbed your content. Imagine the girls talking, and all of a sudden, the other characters barged in. It’s like having those stage drama where you don’t know where the actors and actresses came from and they just popped out randomly.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6.5/10
Spelling mistakes and superfluous part are often seen in your story. Also with the grammar. Try to use big vocabularies to enhance your story even more. Nobody is perfect in this. They will at least make a mistake before getting to the perfect one.

Characterization : 5/10
Like before, there are too many characters. Imagine.. 20 characters for me to remember? Sorry, but I was confused. (Except for some girls because I know them :D). But anyway, it’s good.

Writing style : 6/10
Please separate if there’s someone new talking. Do not pack the whole conversation into one even if it’s in the same topic. Different casts should have different starting line. You changed your writing style over and over, I don’t know if you purposely did that or that’s just the way you write it according to your mood. Remember to separate when it is necessary.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
It’s quite interesting. ^^ I would say that as long as you enjoy writing, I am sure your readers will do too.

Sub total : 62.5/100

Bonus : 3/5
For being nice to your readers and leaving message on each chapters. You deserve this. And yeah, remember about your forewords okay? ^^ Do something with it.

Total : 65.5/100