New blood? Yeah Right! by Teriyaki18

Author : Teriyaki18
Title : New blood? Yeah Right!
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/derekke/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.

Title : 4/5
The title is cute and is quite affectionate to me. But since I am more to the person who digs everything deeply, I want more than just the term ’New blood’. I didn’t expect this to be a vampire fic by looking at the title. So maybe that is the reason why you gain your mark, at the same time, to lose a point.

Poster/Background : 9/10
I’m going to split this into two, overall poster and also the theme to match with the mood. The poster is well done. I’m being completely honest here. The art and pictures are very clear indeed. But to match with the plot I think it is lacking a little bit of something. Still, it is lovely. (except for JiYong’s cartoon prints that disturbed the mood a bit XD)

Forewords : 8/10
Your forewords is fine, but I think you should involve the two cousins’ mission too. JiYong and Xiah have their own secret lives and it would be nice to see them in your forewords. Since those two twins are fictional, JiYong and Xiah’s appearance is important.

Plot : 14/15
First thing I will have to say is, I am not a big fan of any vampire fic. (Might as well say that Edward Cullen freaks me off a bit =___=) but I think you managed it well with Victoria and Violet. The two sisters make it different and more outstanding. Not to mention JiYong and Xiah’s behavior which amused me a lot.

Creativity/ Originality : 14/15
Like before, I liked how you twisted the story and not keeping it like a total vampire fic. Xiah as a witch really surprised me, in a good way. It is funny, I must admit. I hate reading those boring, simple lines of vampires, but because your story is more than just a vampire fic, I love it. The part when that blind girl didn’t notice that it was her mobile phone ringing was really funny to me. (Not to mention that her ringing tone was Aqua song - Barbie girl.) Good choice. A little humor makes someone’s day better :D

Flow : 9/10
The flow was going fine. I shall say that it is almost good. But when you mentioned that Victoria was going to meet her boyfriend, which is Xiah, I was a bit puzzled there. Like, “how come I’ve never heard about their relationship before?”. But together, it was good.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
At the beginning, it went smoothly and you concentrated in every area. I liked on how you put up the introduction. But chapter by chapter, I spotted few spelling mistakes and wrong usage of grammar, but only a slight one though. You need not worry because everyone did this. In order to learn, we must at least experience mistakes right? However, if you want to make sure of it, you can recheck before posting it up. : )

Characterization : 8.5/10
Although I don’t really know much about those girls and their pasts, I’m going to skip that. Your characters are very good indeed. (Except for the part where I mentioned about Xiah’s and Victoria’s relationship). And because the two girls are fictional, it took me more time to read them like a book and get familiar with them.

Writing style : 10/10
It was good as it didn’t confuse me. :D

Overall enjoyment : 5/5
I enjoyed this story really well. I had to delay the review for some days because I had so much things coming in. Finally, after I had the time, I directly read it. It was pretty good. If only I have lots of free time, I would surely subscribe your story. (Oh, sorry for the delayed review btw :D)

Sub total : 89.5/100

Bonus : 3/5
Keep on writing those funny lines. :D
Kwon JiYong and Junsu, a good mix :D
“Stop poking her breast.”
Roll in the humor! :D

Total : 92.5/100