Sealed heart of an angel by Phoebe aka Phebs

Author : Phoebe aka Phebs
Title : Sealed heart of an angel
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/phoebe321/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 5/5
I like the title very much. Take it because it matches Junsu’s cold personality and also his randomness in some unexplained things. It shows that the angel’s heart is sealed and it may need only certain person to unseal it..

Poster/Background : 7/10
The poster is too plain where Junsu and Ri In’s pictures are a little too blended.. The font didn’t match the texture and the mood. However, due to the readable fonts, I ignored the whole poster. Add quotes; or perhaps a little image of Hee Bon. (I am sure many would love to see her), but also not to forget to only put Hee Bon in the poster as a minor girl, or it will disturb the atmosphere of Junsu and Ri In together.

Forewords : 3/10
The forewords is too short to even tell the readers of what’s going on. I expected more explaination on each characters and a little scene of them. I don’t really mind whether it’s Ri In or Junsu, or the part where they both meet. As long as you’re making your readers satisfied and grab their whole attention. It seems like your first chapter can be turned into a foreword (Not saying all, just half or maybe the important bits).

Plot : 13/15
The plot is well thought of and organized. It is interesting and alluring. I like the whole idea of making Junsu a cold-guy, even though he’s always playful in my POV. It’s really good to see that. Some parts are a bit unexplained and hanging; I’ll leave that out because I can totally work with it.

Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Not much for originality. To be frank, I dislikes stories with cold-blooded person and such. They are arrogant and also demanding. It makes me want to jump on them and scramble their faces. But I guess I was wrong when I read your fic. Although it may be somewhat normal, but the creativity that you pulled in into the story is very awesome and very, very good. It didn’t bore me till the end and I kept on reading and not daring to miss any words. You should thank your creativity for making this as if it is an original piece.

Flow : 8/10
It was okay. The flow went smoothly. It’s not dragged and rushed, because you have a lot of chapters to slowly tell the story. However, the early chapters were too short. I would prefer the ending and closing chapters, which is not too long and not too short. Readers’ view is important too, so you must leave them with short chapter, unless it is a preview.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
Spotted few spelling errors and your grammars are a bit wrong. I was confused on whether you were trying to tell in present or in the past. Because at one time, I spotted past tenses, and then you’re back with present tenses. Your usage of vocabulary is good. You explained in details on their movements, reactions and so on.

Characterization : 9/10
Congratulation. I am happy that you managed to bring everyone’s personality out. Also, for making them not left out. Hee Bon is something I found very interesting. Ri In is just too cute for me; and I love it. You brought new characters and didn’t mess with the whole story.

Writing style : 9/10
Now, for thoughts I would suggest you to use ‘YOUR THOUGHS HERE’ rather than {YOUR THOUGHTS HERE}
It makes you writing neater and more formal. The rest is spaced out. Your direct speech is okay and good enough. Keep it up. Maintain the sufficient, descriptive writing with the direct speeches. This way, your readers wont be bored.

Overall enjoyment : 5/5
Wheee~ *Bows to Phebs* I did say I enjoyed the chapters really well until I had to stay overnight and read the continuation. =.=; But really, I wouldn’t do that (and wait until morning comes) if it’s not that interesting. So you made me Good job, Phebs!

Sub total : 79/100

Bonus : 4/5
A good piece of story, and it was a good choice to make a sequel for this. Also, for leaving messages in every updates. :D

Total : 83/100