Author : minniie
Title : Rebellious Cinderella
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/minniie4eva/
Status : On-going
Reviewer : sweetbunn @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer has nothing against the author. This is just an honest and strict review which will help the author to improve himself/herself in the next attempt of writing a story. Please do not get angry if there any unpleasant comments.
Title: 4/5
The title isn't interesting but when you read the chapter its so good that really can't stop reading it
Poster/Background: 10/10
the poster and background suites the font you can really read it easily
forewords: 8/10
its wasn't that interesting to read but i hope that you can put the summary so that it will be interesting o read
Plot:10/15
the story is really interesting its not yet done so i will just 10 keep it up
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
hhhhmmmm........I give you 13 cause some of the chapter was like in the cinderella story
Flow:10/10
its really good so keep it up
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
theres none so keep it up
Characterisation:10/10
its was really good characters especially BEBU(I'm really a BeBu fan een if guilun is now winning)
Writing Style:10/10
its really good and pretty interesting to read because you updating a really long chapters that what i really would like to read
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
its really entertaining to read
Sub Total: 90/100
Bonus: 5/5
Total: 95/100
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Devil may cry by Taemin / Yunnie
Author : Taemin / Yunnie
Title : Devil may cry
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/devil_may_cry/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.
Title : 3/5
To say that your title is okay is just not it. It is in between. Let’s just say that it doesn’t reveal the whole plot of your story YET. I believe that sooner it will :D
Poster/Background : 7/10
The red color is okay, since you’re portraying a devil here. The pictures of them are neatly done but not that ‘glowing’. The text is too blended and it will not (50-50) grasp the attention of your readers. By looking at it, I know that your characters are a lot, and only half of their faces were shown and mostly are close ups. The quality is okay, although I will like it better to see an artistic work.
Forewords : 1/10
Sorry, but I guess you’ve noticed that you only put these..
“One game.
Twenty players.
Ten standing at the end.”
It doesn’t reveal anything at all.
After that you started saying about applying in your fic. Even if this is an apply fic, a small introduction is appreciated to spice up the story before it started. The three lines above are better to go with the poster as a small “quote.”
Plot : 12/15
The plot was similar to what I’ve reviewed/ read before. It’s about a gap between the two groups and the “mystery” of DBSK signing out from SM entertainment. Which is predictable of what’s going to happen. I know that you have the great plot in your mind, you just need to slowly push them in one by one.
Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Originality… is maybe because of your own plotting line of the story. I will not say that the story is original itself but maybe I will say that it is original because the author made it herself. I have nothing much to say here as maybe you know the reason why.
Flow : 7/10
It went fast at the early chapters. I know that your characters are mostly your readers and you don’t want to disappoint them so you tried to put them in as many as you can without realizing that it had disturbed your content. Imagine the girls talking, and all of a sudden, the other characters barged in. It’s like having those stage drama where you don’t know where the actors and actresses came from and they just popped out randomly.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6.5/10
Spelling mistakes and superfluous part are often seen in your story. Also with the grammar. Try to use big vocabularies to enhance your story even more. Nobody is perfect in this. They will at least make a mistake before getting to the perfect one.
Characterization : 5/10
Like before, there are too many characters. Imagine.. 20 characters for me to remember? Sorry, but I was confused. (Except for some girls because I know them :D). But anyway, it’s good.
Writing style : 6/10
Please separate if there’s someone new talking. Do not pack the whole conversation into one even if it’s in the same topic. Different casts should have different starting line. You changed your writing style over and over, I don’t know if you purposely did that or that’s just the way you write it according to your mood. Remember to separate when it is necessary.
Overall enjoyment : 3/5
It’s quite interesting. ^^ I would say that as long as you enjoy writing, I am sure your readers will do too.
Sub total : 62.5/100
Bonus : 3/5
For being nice to your readers and leaving message on each chapters. You deserve this. And yeah, remember about your forewords okay? ^^ Do something with it.
Total : 65.5/100
Title : Devil may cry
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/devil_may_cry/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.
Title : 3/5
To say that your title is okay is just not it. It is in between. Let’s just say that it doesn’t reveal the whole plot of your story YET. I believe that sooner it will :D
Poster/Background : 7/10
The red color is okay, since you’re portraying a devil here. The pictures of them are neatly done but not that ‘glowing’. The text is too blended and it will not (50-50) grasp the attention of your readers. By looking at it, I know that your characters are a lot, and only half of their faces were shown and mostly are close ups. The quality is okay, although I will like it better to see an artistic work.
Forewords : 1/10
Sorry, but I guess you’ve noticed that you only put these..
“One game.
Twenty players.
Ten standing at the end.”
It doesn’t reveal anything at all.
After that you started saying about applying in your fic. Even if this is an apply fic, a small introduction is appreciated to spice up the story before it started. The three lines above are better to go with the poster as a small “quote.”
Plot : 12/15
The plot was similar to what I’ve reviewed/ read before. It’s about a gap between the two groups and the “mystery” of DBSK signing out from SM entertainment. Which is predictable of what’s going to happen. I know that you have the great plot in your mind, you just need to slowly push them in one by one.
Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Originality… is maybe because of your own plotting line of the story. I will not say that the story is original itself but maybe I will say that it is original because the author made it herself. I have nothing much to say here as maybe you know the reason why.
Flow : 7/10
It went fast at the early chapters. I know that your characters are mostly your readers and you don’t want to disappoint them so you tried to put them in as many as you can without realizing that it had disturbed your content. Imagine the girls talking, and all of a sudden, the other characters barged in. It’s like having those stage drama where you don’t know where the actors and actresses came from and they just popped out randomly.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6.5/10
Spelling mistakes and superfluous part are often seen in your story. Also with the grammar. Try to use big vocabularies to enhance your story even more. Nobody is perfect in this. They will at least make a mistake before getting to the perfect one.
Characterization : 5/10
Like before, there are too many characters. Imagine.. 20 characters for me to remember? Sorry, but I was confused. (Except for some girls because I know them :D). But anyway, it’s good.
Writing style : 6/10
Please separate if there’s someone new talking. Do not pack the whole conversation into one even if it’s in the same topic. Different casts should have different starting line. You changed your writing style over and over, I don’t know if you purposely did that or that’s just the way you write it according to your mood. Remember to separate when it is necessary.
Overall enjoyment : 3/5
It’s quite interesting. ^^ I would say that as long as you enjoy writing, I am sure your readers will do too.
Sub total : 62.5/100
Bonus : 3/5
For being nice to your readers and leaving message on each chapters. You deserve this. And yeah, remember about your forewords okay? ^^ Do something with it.
Total : 65.5/100
Saturday, April 18, 2009
New blood? Yeah Right! by Teriyaki18
Author : Teriyaki18
Title : New blood? Yeah Right!
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/derekke/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.
Title : 4/5
The title is cute and is quite affectionate to me. But since I am more to the person who digs everything deeply, I want more than just the term ’New blood’. I didn’t expect this to be a vampire fic by looking at the title. So maybe that is the reason why you gain your mark, at the same time, to lose a point.
Poster/Background : 9/10
I’m going to split this into two, overall poster and also the theme to match with the mood. The poster is well done. I’m being completely honest here. The art and pictures are very clear indeed. But to match with the plot I think it is lacking a little bit of something. Still, it is lovely. (except for JiYong’s cartoon prints that disturbed the mood a bit XD)
Forewords : 8/10
Your forewords is fine, but I think you should involve the two cousins’ mission too. JiYong and Xiah have their own secret lives and it would be nice to see them in your forewords. Since those two twins are fictional, JiYong and Xiah’s appearance is important.
Plot : 14/15
First thing I will have to say is, I am not a big fan of any vampire fic. (Might as well say that Edward Cullen freaks me off a bit =___=) but I think you managed it well with Victoria and Violet. The two sisters make it different and more outstanding. Not to mention JiYong and Xiah’s behavior which amused me a lot.
Creativity/ Originality : 14/15
Like before, I liked how you twisted the story and not keeping it like a total vampire fic. Xiah as a witch really surprised me, in a good way. It is funny, I must admit. I hate reading those boring, simple lines of vampires, but because your story is more than just a vampire fic, I love it. The part when that blind girl didn’t notice that it was her mobile phone ringing was really funny to me. (Not to mention that her ringing tone was Aqua song - Barbie girl.) Good choice. A little humor makes someone’s day better :D
Flow : 9/10
The flow was going fine. I shall say that it is almost good. But when you mentioned that Victoria was going to meet her boyfriend, which is Xiah, I was a bit puzzled there. Like, “how come I’ve never heard about their relationship before?”. But together, it was good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
At the beginning, it went smoothly and you concentrated in every area. I liked on how you put up the introduction. But chapter by chapter, I spotted few spelling mistakes and wrong usage of grammar, but only a slight one though. You need not worry because everyone did this. In order to learn, we must at least experience mistakes right? However, if you want to make sure of it, you can recheck before posting it up. : )
Characterization : 8.5/10
Although I don’t really know much about those girls and their pasts, I’m going to skip that. Your characters are very good indeed. (Except for the part where I mentioned about Xiah’s and Victoria’s relationship). And because the two girls are fictional, it took me more time to read them like a book and get familiar with them.
Writing style : 10/10
It was good as it didn’t confuse me. :D
Overall enjoyment : 5/5
I enjoyed this story really well. I had to delay the review for some days because I had so much things coming in. Finally, after I had the time, I directly read it. It was pretty good. If only I have lots of free time, I would surely subscribe your story. (Oh, sorry for the delayed review btw :D)
Sub total : 89.5/100
Bonus : 3/5
Keep on writing those funny lines. :D
Kwon JiYong and Junsu, a good mix :D
“Stop poking her breast.”
Roll in the humor! :D
Total : 92.5/100
Title : New blood? Yeah Right!
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/derekke/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.
Title : 4/5
The title is cute and is quite affectionate to me. But since I am more to the person who digs everything deeply, I want more than just the term ’New blood’. I didn’t expect this to be a vampire fic by looking at the title. So maybe that is the reason why you gain your mark, at the same time, to lose a point.
Poster/Background : 9/10
I’m going to split this into two, overall poster and also the theme to match with the mood. The poster is well done. I’m being completely honest here. The art and pictures are very clear indeed. But to match with the plot I think it is lacking a little bit of something. Still, it is lovely. (except for JiYong’s cartoon prints that disturbed the mood a bit XD)
Forewords : 8/10
Your forewords is fine, but I think you should involve the two cousins’ mission too. JiYong and Xiah have their own secret lives and it would be nice to see them in your forewords. Since those two twins are fictional, JiYong and Xiah’s appearance is important.
Plot : 14/15
First thing I will have to say is, I am not a big fan of any vampire fic. (Might as well say that Edward Cullen freaks me off a bit =___=) but I think you managed it well with Victoria and Violet. The two sisters make it different and more outstanding. Not to mention JiYong and Xiah’s behavior which amused me a lot.
Creativity/ Originality : 14/15
Like before, I liked how you twisted the story and not keeping it like a total vampire fic. Xiah as a witch really surprised me, in a good way. It is funny, I must admit. I hate reading those boring, simple lines of vampires, but because your story is more than just a vampire fic, I love it. The part when that blind girl didn’t notice that it was her mobile phone ringing was really funny to me. (Not to mention that her ringing tone was Aqua song - Barbie girl.) Good choice. A little humor makes someone’s day better :D
Flow : 9/10
The flow was going fine. I shall say that it is almost good. But when you mentioned that Victoria was going to meet her boyfriend, which is Xiah, I was a bit puzzled there. Like, “how come I’ve never heard about their relationship before?”. But together, it was good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
At the beginning, it went smoothly and you concentrated in every area. I liked on how you put up the introduction. But chapter by chapter, I spotted few spelling mistakes and wrong usage of grammar, but only a slight one though. You need not worry because everyone did this. In order to learn, we must at least experience mistakes right? However, if you want to make sure of it, you can recheck before posting it up. : )
Characterization : 8.5/10
Although I don’t really know much about those girls and their pasts, I’m going to skip that. Your characters are very good indeed. (Except for the part where I mentioned about Xiah’s and Victoria’s relationship). And because the two girls are fictional, it took me more time to read them like a book and get familiar with them.
Writing style : 10/10
It was good as it didn’t confuse me. :D
Overall enjoyment : 5/5
I enjoyed this story really well. I had to delay the review for some days because I had so much things coming in. Finally, after I had the time, I directly read it. It was pretty good. If only I have lots of free time, I would surely subscribe your story. (Oh, sorry for the delayed review btw :D)
Sub total : 89.5/100
Bonus : 3/5
Keep on writing those funny lines. :D
Kwon JiYong and Junsu, a good mix :D
“Stop poking her breast.”
Roll in the humor! :D
Total : 92.5/100
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Brown Sugar Macchiato 2: A New Cup by asian_chic 808
Author : asian_chic 808
Title : Brown Sugar Macchiato 2: A New Cup
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/asian_chic/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.
Title : 3/5
Without reading your story and only experimenting the title, I can only bring up that this story consist of new, fresh and delightfully gorgeous script. Brown Sugar Macchiato tells me more about café life, or even bittersweet story in between cute mood and happy teens.. The phrase of “A New Cup” means something more different, and I was expecting literally from 'a new cup'. A new cup which I don’t expect it to be like this. To summerize it, the title doesnt really matches the story/plot.
Poster/Background : 9/10
I was going to give you perfect ten, but then I changed my mind because I noticed that your link is in blue.- dark blue, which doesn’t even match with soft pink. I can forgive you about the green text, since it is after all… light and soft. But not the blue one. The poster is good, because it finally shows “A new cup” or perhaps, Mocha maybe?
Forewords : 2/10
I was really shocked to see this as I was expecting an introduction, perhaps a short one at least. I know that most of your readers are Taiwan fans, but what if when a new reader comes reading your story and she or he is not a big fan of Taiwanese characters (but would love to read your story)? Would you shoo her/him from reading your story, or would you rather spend your time in introducing a little bit of the story’s plot? It’s up to you. But I would suggest you to open up and leak the story a bit.. 2 points for introducing how many characters you have.
Plot : 9/15
I’m very sorry to say that I didn’t get to the plot even when I passed the 10th chapter. I cannot grasp on what the story is bringing. Example, you’re using a play script and the chapters are too short for a play script format. Unless you’re doing direct speeches. This is probably due to the characters that you are playing with; they are too many to control. Alas, it disturbed your content. Through each chapter, I can only portray little, imaginative scene. And the rest didn’t allure me.
Creativity/ Originality : 11/15
I’m not going to be too hard on this one. I can give you some marks for originality because I’m being lenient now, and I don’t want you to feel degraded. Your story will be much better if you plot more creativity, such as arousing the characters’ real personalities, because I can’t really see much of their uniqueness in this. They’re being completely plain and undisturbed. I would like to see some sensitivity in them, or even some conscience.
Flow : 7/10
Again, maybe because of your enormous characters, it went too draggy and fast. Maybe you would not notice it, but I believe some of your “careful” readers do. Take the part where Arron came in, it surprised me when he suddenly asked Gou Gou out and had feelings for her. That’s just too sudden.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
Your vocabulary usage is small and little, practice more and you will eventually do better in your next attempt. Grammar mistakes are spotted in many areas, also the spelling errors.
Characterization : 5/10
Reaching this, you may already know the reason why you lost the other half mark. Yes, it’s because of your enormous characters. I couldn’t do much in this as I’ve already told you about it earlier. But these are some things that you can take into considerations.
1) Decide on who are the main characters. To make it easy for you, make the main character for maximum of five. If you still want to involve the other girls and boys, do them as minors. It reduces the confusion and burden in controlling them.
2) Because you have so many characters, it would be better if you DON’T write it in play script. It headbanged me so much.
[Wang Zi approaches Gui Gui from behind and puts his hands over Gui Gui’s eyes]
WZ: Guess who!
GG: [starts panicking and thinks to herself] Oh no..is this Wang Zi or Aaron? Wait..why would Aaron put his hands over my eyes..Just to make sure I should...
*light bulb goes on*
[Gui Gui moves her body downward and turns super fast and is relieved to see that it’s Wang Zi]
GG: Oh hey...it’s you
WZ: Who else could it be?
GG: Nothing..nobody..nobody
[Gui Gui wraps her arms around Wang Zi, feeling confused about everything]
REPLACE THEM WITH:-
Wang Zi silently approached Gui Gui from behind and wrapped his hands on Gui Gui’s eyes, blocking her sight.
“Guess who?” Wang Zi attacked a question, smiling sheepishly while waiting for his girlfriend to respond.
Gui Gui panicked as she her mind wasn’t at ease; she was thinking of Aaron and the question nagged her more. She debated with herself whether it was Aaron or Wang Zi. Dumbstruck between two, she decided to relocate the question and avoid it.
Gui Gui slipped her body downwards, freeing herself from Wang Zi’s hold. She was relieved to see that it was Wang Zi after all.
“Hey, it’s you.”
Wang Zi looked a little dumbfounded and disturbed, yet he didn’t want to put it up and show it to her, “Who else could it be?”
“Oh, no one.” She denied and enveloped Wang Zi with her warm embrace, leaving him in confusion.
3) If You still want to write in play script, then don’t use abbreviations for names. Keep Gui Gui as “Gui Gui, not GG.”
Writing style : 8/10
Not much for a play script, but good.
Overall enjoyment : 2/5
Wasn’t really enjoying the story because the characters are torturing me and making me confused D: but when Aaron came, it did spice up the story a bit.
Sub total : 62/100
Bonus : 3/5
I’ll give you extra 3 marks but please promise me three things. Okay?
1) Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t be degraded, or feel upset about the review. I am being lenient enough to not let your spirit down.
2) Promise me that you will keep on writing, and never give up. I know you will be a good writer one day.
3) Promise me that you will never let anyone pulls you, or mock you. Stand up for yourself and continue writing for your readers. They are your supporter and they love you so much, You have the potential :D
Total : 65/100
Title : Brown Sugar Macchiato 2: A New Cup
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/asian_chic/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.
Title : 3/5
Without reading your story and only experimenting the title, I can only bring up that this story consist of new, fresh and delightfully gorgeous script. Brown Sugar Macchiato tells me more about café life, or even bittersweet story in between cute mood and happy teens.. The phrase of “A New Cup” means something more different, and I was expecting literally from 'a new cup'. A new cup which I don’t expect it to be like this. To summerize it, the title doesnt really matches the story/plot.
Poster/Background : 9/10
I was going to give you perfect ten, but then I changed my mind because I noticed that your link is in blue.- dark blue, which doesn’t even match with soft pink. I can forgive you about the green text, since it is after all… light and soft. But not the blue one. The poster is good, because it finally shows “A new cup” or perhaps, Mocha maybe?
Forewords : 2/10
I was really shocked to see this as I was expecting an introduction, perhaps a short one at least. I know that most of your readers are Taiwan fans, but what if when a new reader comes reading your story and she or he is not a big fan of Taiwanese characters (but would love to read your story)? Would you shoo her/him from reading your story, or would you rather spend your time in introducing a little bit of the story’s plot? It’s up to you. But I would suggest you to open up and leak the story a bit.. 2 points for introducing how many characters you have.
Plot : 9/15
I’m very sorry to say that I didn’t get to the plot even when I passed the 10th chapter. I cannot grasp on what the story is bringing. Example, you’re using a play script and the chapters are too short for a play script format. Unless you’re doing direct speeches. This is probably due to the characters that you are playing with; they are too many to control. Alas, it disturbed your content. Through each chapter, I can only portray little, imaginative scene. And the rest didn’t allure me.
Creativity/ Originality : 11/15
I’m not going to be too hard on this one. I can give you some marks for originality because I’m being lenient now, and I don’t want you to feel degraded. Your story will be much better if you plot more creativity, such as arousing the characters’ real personalities, because I can’t really see much of their uniqueness in this. They’re being completely plain and undisturbed. I would like to see some sensitivity in them, or even some conscience.
Flow : 7/10
Again, maybe because of your enormous characters, it went too draggy and fast. Maybe you would not notice it, but I believe some of your “careful” readers do. Take the part where Arron came in, it surprised me when he suddenly asked Gou Gou out and had feelings for her. That’s just too sudden.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
Your vocabulary usage is small and little, practice more and you will eventually do better in your next attempt. Grammar mistakes are spotted in many areas, also the spelling errors.
Characterization : 5/10
Reaching this, you may already know the reason why you lost the other half mark. Yes, it’s because of your enormous characters. I couldn’t do much in this as I’ve already told you about it earlier. But these are some things that you can take into considerations.
1) Decide on who are the main characters. To make it easy for you, make the main character for maximum of five. If you still want to involve the other girls and boys, do them as minors. It reduces the confusion and burden in controlling them.
2) Because you have so many characters, it would be better if you DON’T write it in play script. It headbanged me so much.
[Wang Zi approaches Gui Gui from behind and puts his hands over Gui Gui’s eyes]
WZ: Guess who!
GG: [starts panicking and thinks to herself] Oh no..is this Wang Zi or Aaron? Wait..why would Aaron put his hands over my eyes..Just to make sure I should...
*light bulb goes on*
[Gui Gui moves her body downward and turns super fast and is relieved to see that it’s Wang Zi]
GG: Oh hey...it’s you
WZ: Who else could it be?
GG: Nothing..nobody..nobody
[Gui Gui wraps her arms around Wang Zi, feeling confused about everything]
REPLACE THEM WITH:-
Wang Zi silently approached Gui Gui from behind and wrapped his hands on Gui Gui’s eyes, blocking her sight.
“Guess who?” Wang Zi attacked a question, smiling sheepishly while waiting for his girlfriend to respond.
Gui Gui panicked as she her mind wasn’t at ease; she was thinking of Aaron and the question nagged her more. She debated with herself whether it was Aaron or Wang Zi. Dumbstruck between two, she decided to relocate the question and avoid it.
Gui Gui slipped her body downwards, freeing herself from Wang Zi’s hold. She was relieved to see that it was Wang Zi after all.
“Hey, it’s you.”
Wang Zi looked a little dumbfounded and disturbed, yet he didn’t want to put it up and show it to her, “Who else could it be?”
“Oh, no one.” She denied and enveloped Wang Zi with her warm embrace, leaving him in confusion.
3) If You still want to write in play script, then don’t use abbreviations for names. Keep Gui Gui as “Gui Gui, not GG.”
Writing style : 8/10
Not much for a play script, but good.
Overall enjoyment : 2/5
Wasn’t really enjoying the story because the characters are torturing me and making me confused D: but when Aaron came, it did spice up the story a bit.
Sub total : 62/100
Bonus : 3/5
I’ll give you extra 3 marks but please promise me three things. Okay?
1) Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t be degraded, or feel upset about the review. I am being lenient enough to not let your spirit down.
2) Promise me that you will keep on writing, and never give up. I know you will be a good writer one day.
3) Promise me that you will never let anyone pulls you, or mock you. Stand up for yourself and continue writing for your readers. They are your supporter and they love you so much, You have the potential :D
Total : 65/100
Friday, April 10, 2009
Disturbia by HidayahF
Author : HidayahF
Title : Disturbia
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Disturbia
Status : On-going
Reviewer : sweetbunn @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer has nothing against the author. This is just an honest and strict review which will help the author to improve himself/herself in the next attempt of writing a story. Please do not get angry if there any unpleasant comments.
Title: 2/5
its not related to the story i was really thinking about that
Poster/Background: -/10
there is no background and poster
Forewords: 5/10
the introduction was really intereting but more will be interesting was the synopsis
Plot: 10/15
its still not yet done but its really interesting
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
i always seen the playboy thingy and the acting thingy
Flow: 8/10
its really good
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
as far i can see there is none so keep the good work
characterisation: 10/10
its really represent the appearances
Writing Style: 7/10
Overall Enjoynment :3/5
i really enjoy this but i think you should write some pranks or some funny movements
Sub Total :65/100
bonus : 4/5
keep the good work JIA YOU!
Total : 69/100
Title : Disturbia
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Disturbia
Status : On-going
Reviewer : sweetbunn @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer has nothing against the author. This is just an honest and strict review which will help the author to improve himself/herself in the next attempt of writing a story. Please do not get angry if there any unpleasant comments.
Title: 2/5
its not related to the story i was really thinking about that
Poster/Background: -/10
there is no background and poster
Forewords: 5/10
the introduction was really intereting but more will be interesting was the synopsis
Plot: 10/15
its still not yet done but its really interesting
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
i always seen the playboy thingy and the acting thingy
Flow: 8/10
its really good
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
as far i can see there is none so keep the good work
characterisation: 10/10
its really represent the appearances
Writing Style: 7/10
Overall Enjoynment :3/5
i really enjoy this but i think you should write some pranks or some funny movements
Sub Total :65/100
bonus : 4/5
keep the good work JIA YOU!
Total : 69/100
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sealed heart of an angel 2 by Phoebe aka Phebs
Author : Phoebe aka Phebs
Title : Sealed heart of an angel 2
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/shoaa2/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.
Title : 4/5
It’s a sequel, so everyone expected it to be like that. But if you’re planning to have more readers than the previous one you had, you can put another sentence next to the real title. To show the point of the sequel. Example, Sealed heart of an angel 2; breaking the seals within. Or whichever you may prefer.
Poster/Background : 9/10
Both of them look really great together. It portrays the character as an art; a valuable art. But the round, butterfly thing disturbed it a bit. Otherwise, it is perfect. The background color is good.
Forewords : 2/10
We may know what had happened in the previous story, but you still have to add something considering that your introduction is too short and simple. You added questions; which is good, but not much for grasping attention and telling your plot.
Plot : 14/15
I liked this one better than before. Being myself, I wouldn’t waste my time reading on people’s live after marriage, I thought that they’re only going to live together and have a perfect ending. But the twists and turns that you added in your stories (1&2) proved that I am wrong. I know that such thing will happen, but I didn’t expect that much. Congratulation.
Creativity/ Originality : 13/15
If before, you did well, this time you did better. I love the whole thing that was going on between them and how Ri In preserves her virginity even though she really loves Junsu. They only did it after they’re married. Also, for putting Eun Hee as an evil witch but at the same time, you neutralizes her into someone with sad past. You made each and every characters to live their own weaknesses in such melancholic aura. The solitary moment that Eun Hee experienced paralleled with her cruelness, and it was depressing on how Hee Bon actually loved her twin sister even though she acted like she’s neglecting her.
Flow : 10/10
Very, very good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
As I said earlier, this is normal mistakes anyone could have done. Even me, I admit. Your past and present tense were mixed, but it’s okay. There’s some spelling mistakes. Simple and unique vocabulary will be better in writings; which you did put them in.
Characterization : 10/10
I feel like every characters have their own life and they are living inside them. For once, I thought that I was watching a drama instead of reading. Usually when reading long fan fictions, I would pause and continue next time. But not this, I had to press ‘Next’ until I reached the ending.
Writing style : 8/10
Very neat and clean. Spaced out. But mind your punctuations and I’ve suggested for you to use ‘YOUR THOUGHTS HERE.’ instead of {YOUR THOUGHTS HERE} in your previous review.
Overall enjoyment : 6/5
I don’t care if the maximum mark is 5, I’m giving you 6 because I really like it. Remind me again, who stayed up all night just to read the next chapter? And when she went to the toilet, she had to rush because she can’t wait to read the next one. Oh, that was me. =.=;
Good job for making me.. Err.. Stay up all night. :D
Sub total : 82/100
Bonus : 5/5
I rarely give perfect 5 in this unless they really deserve it.
Total : 87/100
Title : Sealed heart of an angel 2
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/shoaa2/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.
Title : 4/5
It’s a sequel, so everyone expected it to be like that. But if you’re planning to have more readers than the previous one you had, you can put another sentence next to the real title. To show the point of the sequel. Example, Sealed heart of an angel 2; breaking the seals within. Or whichever you may prefer.
Poster/Background : 9/10
Both of them look really great together. It portrays the character as an art; a valuable art. But the round, butterfly thing disturbed it a bit. Otherwise, it is perfect. The background color is good.
Forewords : 2/10
We may know what had happened in the previous story, but you still have to add something considering that your introduction is too short and simple. You added questions; which is good, but not much for grasping attention and telling your plot.
Plot : 14/15
I liked this one better than before. Being myself, I wouldn’t waste my time reading on people’s live after marriage, I thought that they’re only going to live together and have a perfect ending. But the twists and turns that you added in your stories (1&2) proved that I am wrong. I know that such thing will happen, but I didn’t expect that much. Congratulation.
Creativity/ Originality : 13/15
If before, you did well, this time you did better. I love the whole thing that was going on between them and how Ri In preserves her virginity even though she really loves Junsu. They only did it after they’re married. Also, for putting Eun Hee as an evil witch but at the same time, you neutralizes her into someone with sad past. You made each and every characters to live their own weaknesses in such melancholic aura. The solitary moment that Eun Hee experienced paralleled with her cruelness, and it was depressing on how Hee Bon actually loved her twin sister even though she acted like she’s neglecting her.
Flow : 10/10
Very, very good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
As I said earlier, this is normal mistakes anyone could have done. Even me, I admit. Your past and present tense were mixed, but it’s okay. There’s some spelling mistakes. Simple and unique vocabulary will be better in writings; which you did put them in.
Characterization : 10/10
I feel like every characters have their own life and they are living inside them. For once, I thought that I was watching a drama instead of reading. Usually when reading long fan fictions, I would pause and continue next time. But not this, I had to press ‘Next’ until I reached the ending.
Writing style : 8/10
Very neat and clean. Spaced out. But mind your punctuations and I’ve suggested for you to use ‘YOUR THOUGHTS HERE.’ instead of {YOUR THOUGHTS HERE} in your previous review.
Overall enjoyment : 6/5
I don’t care if the maximum mark is 5, I’m giving you 6 because I really like it. Remind me again, who stayed up all night just to read the next chapter? And when she went to the toilet, she had to rush because she can’t wait to read the next one. Oh, that was me. =.=;
Good job for making me.. Err.. Stay up all night. :D
Sub total : 82/100
Bonus : 5/5
I rarely give perfect 5 in this unless they really deserve it.
Total : 87/100
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Sealed heart of an angel by Phoebe aka Phebs
Author : Phoebe aka Phebs
Title : Sealed heart of an angel
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/phoebe321/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.
Title : 5/5
I like the title very much. Take it because it matches Junsu’s cold personality and also his randomness in some unexplained things. It shows that the angel’s heart is sealed and it may need only certain person to unseal it..
Poster/Background : 7/10
The poster is too plain where Junsu and Ri In’s pictures are a little too blended.. The font didn’t match the texture and the mood. However, due to the readable fonts, I ignored the whole poster. Add quotes; or perhaps a little image of Hee Bon. (I am sure many would love to see her), but also not to forget to only put Hee Bon in the poster as a minor girl, or it will disturb the atmosphere of Junsu and Ri In together.
Forewords : 3/10
The forewords is too short to even tell the readers of what’s going on. I expected more explaination on each characters and a little scene of them. I don’t really mind whether it’s Ri In or Junsu, or the part where they both meet. As long as you’re making your readers satisfied and grab their whole attention. It seems like your first chapter can be turned into a foreword (Not saying all, just half or maybe the important bits).
Plot : 13/15
The plot is well thought of and organized. It is interesting and alluring. I like the whole idea of making Junsu a cold-guy, even though he’s always playful in my POV. It’s really good to see that. Some parts are a bit unexplained and hanging; I’ll leave that out because I can totally work with it.
Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Not much for originality. To be frank, I dislikes stories with cold-blooded person and such. They are arrogant and also demanding. It makes me want to jump on them and scramble their faces. But I guess I was wrong when I read your fic. Although it may be somewhat normal, but the creativity that you pulled in into the story is very awesome and very, very good. It didn’t bore me till the end and I kept on reading and not daring to miss any words. You should thank your creativity for making this as if it is an original piece.
Flow : 8/10
It was okay. The flow went smoothly. It’s not dragged and rushed, because you have a lot of chapters to slowly tell the story. However, the early chapters were too short. I would prefer the ending and closing chapters, which is not too long and not too short. Readers’ view is important too, so you must leave them with short chapter, unless it is a preview.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
Spotted few spelling errors and your grammars are a bit wrong. I was confused on whether you were trying to tell in present or in the past. Because at one time, I spotted past tenses, and then you’re back with present tenses. Your usage of vocabulary is good. You explained in details on their movements, reactions and so on.
Characterization : 9/10
Congratulation. I am happy that you managed to bring everyone’s personality out. Also, for making them not left out. Hee Bon is something I found very interesting. Ri In is just too cute for me; and I love it. You brought new characters and didn’t mess with the whole story.
Writing style : 9/10
Now, for thoughts I would suggest you to use ‘YOUR THOUGHS HERE’ rather than {YOUR THOUGHTS HERE}
It makes you writing neater and more formal. The rest is spaced out. Your direct speech is okay and good enough. Keep it up. Maintain the sufficient, descriptive writing with the direct speeches. This way, your readers wont be bored.
Overall enjoyment : 5/5
Wheee~ *Bows to Phebs* I did say I enjoyed the chapters really well until I had to stay overnight and read the continuation. =.=; But really, I wouldn’t do that (and wait until morning comes) if it’s not that interesting. So you made me Good job, Phebs!
Sub total : 79/100
Bonus : 4/5
A good piece of story, and it was a good choice to make a sequel for this. Also, for leaving messages in every updates. :D
Total : 83/100
Title : Sealed heart of an angel
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/phoebe321/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.
Title : 5/5
I like the title very much. Take it because it matches Junsu’s cold personality and also his randomness in some unexplained things. It shows that the angel’s heart is sealed and it may need only certain person to unseal it..
Poster/Background : 7/10
The poster is too plain where Junsu and Ri In’s pictures are a little too blended.. The font didn’t match the texture and the mood. However, due to the readable fonts, I ignored the whole poster. Add quotes; or perhaps a little image of Hee Bon. (I am sure many would love to see her), but also not to forget to only put Hee Bon in the poster as a minor girl, or it will disturb the atmosphere of Junsu and Ri In together.
Forewords : 3/10
The forewords is too short to even tell the readers of what’s going on. I expected more explaination on each characters and a little scene of them. I don’t really mind whether it’s Ri In or Junsu, or the part where they both meet. As long as you’re making your readers satisfied and grab their whole attention. It seems like your first chapter can be turned into a foreword (Not saying all, just half or maybe the important bits).
Plot : 13/15
The plot is well thought of and organized. It is interesting and alluring. I like the whole idea of making Junsu a cold-guy, even though he’s always playful in my POV. It’s really good to see that. Some parts are a bit unexplained and hanging; I’ll leave that out because I can totally work with it.
Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Not much for originality. To be frank, I dislikes stories with cold-blooded person and such. They are arrogant and also demanding. It makes me want to jump on them and scramble their faces. But I guess I was wrong when I read your fic. Although it may be somewhat normal, but the creativity that you pulled in into the story is very awesome and very, very good. It didn’t bore me till the end and I kept on reading and not daring to miss any words. You should thank your creativity for making this as if it is an original piece.
Flow : 8/10
It was okay. The flow went smoothly. It’s not dragged and rushed, because you have a lot of chapters to slowly tell the story. However, the early chapters were too short. I would prefer the ending and closing chapters, which is not too long and not too short. Readers’ view is important too, so you must leave them with short chapter, unless it is a preview.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
Spotted few spelling errors and your grammars are a bit wrong. I was confused on whether you were trying to tell in present or in the past. Because at one time, I spotted past tenses, and then you’re back with present tenses. Your usage of vocabulary is good. You explained in details on their movements, reactions and so on.
Characterization : 9/10
Congratulation. I am happy that you managed to bring everyone’s personality out. Also, for making them not left out. Hee Bon is something I found very interesting. Ri In is just too cute for me; and I love it. You brought new characters and didn’t mess with the whole story.
Writing style : 9/10
Now, for thoughts I would suggest you to use ‘YOUR THOUGHS HERE’ rather than {YOUR THOUGHTS HERE}
It makes you writing neater and more formal. The rest is spaced out. Your direct speech is okay and good enough. Keep it up. Maintain the sufficient, descriptive writing with the direct speeches. This way, your readers wont be bored.
Overall enjoyment : 5/5
Wheee~ *Bows to Phebs* I did say I enjoyed the chapters really well until I had to stay overnight and read the continuation. =.=; But really, I wouldn’t do that (and wait until morning comes) if it’s not that interesting. So you made me Good job, Phebs!
Sub total : 79/100
Bonus : 4/5
A good piece of story, and it was a good choice to make a sequel for this. Also, for leaving messages in every updates. :D
Total : 83/100
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