Questionable Fluff by .flavored

Author : .flavored
Title : Questionable Fluff
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/flavored_7/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna @ i-DEAS (ROL)

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and harsh comments may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Note: Your preferred reviewer isn't available, so I'm taking this request on her behalf.

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Title : 4/5
The first thing that caught me was your author's name, not your title, surprisingly. Of course, being curious, I did click the link once but that was because I wanted to see your poster (I'm sorry, I'm being too honest here). After repeating the title over and over, it feels like my lips are getting used to mumbling your title, and I must admit, it does sound a little cute.

First impression : 10/10
I definitely love Phebs' artwork and I swear, you can't ask other designer to design the 'almost' same poster like Phebs did. She has been designing most of my posters before I get to handle photoshop well, and I really love the way she blends things. I did mention earlier that I clicked your story just cause I want to see how the poster looks like.. Well, I've seen both posters without fail. I saw them earlier at ROL (i-DEAS) and I wanted to see how they look again when you use them. Man, that didn't disappoint me. I totally love the artwork and your link color is good too. The font was easy to read, although I would wish that winglin would have a bigger font (I think that most of the winglin readers are now having bad eyesight. Yeah, sue winglin).

Forewords : 8/10
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!” --Yeah, that was what I said when I read your foreword. I thought that maybe I clicked the wrong chapter link cause it looks like an author's note and it's totally not what I was expecting. But then again, I LOVE the way you make a change with the foreword by making it like that. It's less boring and quite attractive. (Honestly saying, I am very impressed with the foreword). However, I'm sorry, but I'm like a witch who loves to read a good foreword and I'm a bad person for being too picky and strict in this part. So sadly, I'm not going to give you a full mark (still, you get a high mark cause you made it different than the others). I realized that the foreword is made easy and clean, but it doesn't show what a reader can get by reading your story. A little teaser would be great, not too long but just right. I could give you 9/10 for that (:

Plot : 15/15
I don't think I have given other writers perfect score in this. Not before, not even in my previous life and I doubt that I'll be giving this perfect score in my next life. No, I am kidding :D.. Well, the fact that I've never given other writers a perfect score is true. Your plot is perfect to me. I don't know if others feel the same, but this plot is very well-organized and intensely neat too. The way you arrange everything in order is well likely admirable. I am really impressed, very impressed.

Creativity/ Originality : 14/15
Well, that score is pretty high too. I wonder if I could cut more marks from here. No, I can't. All my given scores here are fixed and I'm sure about that. The creativity is very strong and amazing. Instead of leaving the story as it is, you added funny scenes and pull the uniqueness out of the story. However, I am sure that you are informed yourself that the story about two people from different worlds is quite common but I won't reduce your mark just like that. Why? Because you made this fic and plotline very intelligently yours by changing the facts and not following the common stories in winglin. Well done.

Flow : 8/10
At first it was okay but then it felt like the story is being rushed. It would be better if you put this story to 5 chapters where the last chapter can be the part when they 'lived happily ever after'. Honestly, I don't really like long chapters because people can get easily distracted, thus they will lose their interest in reading the chapters. Did I tell you that it hurts my back reading long chapters? Sadly...

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
Your language is fine, but do take note that you mixed up some of the past and present tenses. You write some on-going habits in past tense, example, their likes and dislikes. These things will always be hated/loved by the characters over a period of time, so it will be in present tense, not past tense.
My own example: (You can find yours in your writing)
My name is Anna. (x = my name was Anna)
*x = wrong.

I have to put it in present tense because I will still be Anna over a period of time. Unless I got killed by a monster truck and is renamed as Heenim or Yesung. (That's just an example)
Fragment errors were also spotted, but they're not something really big, just making the sentence to appear a little 'went off'.

Characterization : 8/10
SoEun and Kimbum are described perfectly, however, I think excessive characters is a bit unnecessary since it will divert the attention given to the main characters to the minor characters. I like how Leeteuk is there to help Kimbum whereas Eunkyung is helping SoEun, BUT, when I read about the relationship part, I was a bit surprised.. This is a short story, and you should concentrate on the MAIN characters, not the minors. If this is longer, then the minors would be very, very good to include.

Writing style : 9/10
It's clean, and neat. I like it. Only the 'thoughts' and the “speech” confused me.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
Very enjoyable, but I started to drift off when I was on Chapter 4. Even the chapter itself is too long, so I was losing my concentration. This story is great, but with the long chapters, you can easily confuse people. (I said this earlier, didn't I?)
Suggestion: Keep it longer by posting the other parts in new chapters. OR leave a cliffhanger, that would be interesting.

Sub total : 87/100

Bonus : 2/5
For making it funny and not just a normal love story.

Total : 89/100
That's high :D I haven't given that figure for a long time. I have reviewed more than 60 fics, and I must say, this is one of the best fic I've reviewed. Good job.