Only You [ One-shot ] by because im J a e min.

Author : because im J a e min.
Title : Only You [ One-shot ]
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jaemino3/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna @ i-DEAS (ROL)

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and harsh comments may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 3/5
The title doesn't attract me and its connection to the story is not that strong either. The title is somewhat, expectedly common and very unoriginal. The 'only you' part is only mentioned at the ending, and not the whole story. Since this is a title, it should have a better understanding of the everything in this story; the beginning, the middle and the ending.

First impression : 9/10
I like the poster. It's very nice with black color and the font is not hard to read. However, you need to do something with the link colors. Do not leave them in default colors (blue and purple). They don't match and don't look good.

Forewords : 4/10
My dear, the foreword is very short indeed. I cannot tell what is going to happen and it's not that intriguing. You made it very simple, yet nothing is actually very important or pin-pointed. Perhaps you used the wrong introduction or maybe the 'standing under the rain' isn't as good as you thought it would be. You should emphasize the title in the forewords. Why you name it 'only you' and not other title. Why Nichkhun is the only person? You should elaborate that more.

Plot : 10/15
Apart from it being very choppy, I can see that you're trying to sort everything in order but somehow you didn't manage to make it very neat. The story is absurdly jumpy and rushed. I don't see a very intelligent way of plotting your story, but it can still be accepted since I presume that this is your first completed one-shot. Am I right? So learn from this mistake and do not make your story too choppy. Example, she was announcing on the freshman's speech, then she met Minhwan, she went with him, he died, go back to Nichkhun. Everything happens after one another and not even one part was mainly concentrated.

Creativity/ Originality : 7.5/15
As we all know, this type of story is not original anymore. It's very common and a bit off. Minhwan died of heart attack, which is very common but unpredictable. People with heart attack won't know when they will die but they can be sure that they can die soon whenever the attack is sudden. You didn't put much creativity either, which add up to the lack of interesting scenes in your story. The twist is okay, since I was expecting that Minhwan would be up to no good. Overall, you need to work on this. : )

Flow : 6/10
I mentioned that your story is choppy and absurdly jumped, that couldn't be a good thing. Yes, in fact, the story is a bit too rushed. Truthfully, I think the story (and its plot suits better in a 2-3 chapters story, not a one shot. You're trying to finish everything, like going to the hospital with Minhwan and then it ended in the sushi place; they were all too jumpy and choppy. Learn how to finalize your mode and pace so it won't be too rushed, choppy and abrupt.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
You have minor spelling mistakes, wrong prepositions, false tenses and grammar also fragment error. This is quite common among winglin authors. Proof-checking or beta reading would help. Your language need to be enhanced so that it will empower your story better. You used simple words, but do try to step up a little bit.

These are the mistakes that I've spotted. (There are more, but I'll let you practice on how to spot your own mistake)

1-“You don’t know how important something is until you lose it.”
~”You don't know how important something is until you've lost it.”

2-“Of course,” She squealed like a young child that was given a new toy.
~“Of course,” She squealed like a young child who was given a new toy.

3-As the two were making their way out of the school gates Jaemin suddenly froze.
~As the two were making their way out of the school gates, Jaemin suddenly froze. (Please do put commas and other punctuations where necessary)

4-She just kept on walking until they stopped at the playground close by from Nichkhun’s apartment.
~She just kept on walking until the stopped at the playground close to Nichkhun's apartment.

5-A smile plastered itself onto his handsome face.
~A smile plastered itself on his handsome face.

Characterization : 7/10
I don't get some characters' profile, example Jaemin's. She's like, very willingly agreeing on everything. Like when Minhwan told her that he has heart attack, she directly believed him. She seems so fragile and can't be played around. Minhwan and Nichkhun's personalities aren't very attached with themselves. I couldn't imagine how Minhwan's progression would be. Other than that, I'm glad you used just 3 people as main characters or your one-shot won't be easy to control. Do play with your characters since they are yours. Do not afraid to express and pin-point their personalities.

Writing style : 7/10
I would like to give 8 if your sentence isn't choppy. Commas, fullstops and every marks should be taken care of because you made a lot of mistakes on them. Some parts are not intact, so try to make them neater by using linking words.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
I enjoyed it, but I can't say that I'd die for the fic. It's because the plot is common and it's very predictable. However, you did well for your first time ^^

Sub total : 62.5/100

Bonus : 2/5

Total : 64.5/100
Go Jaemin, you can do it. Good luck on your next attempt, I believe you can do better.