Title: Star Lover
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/riz03/
Author: Riz-2611
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5
The title is kinda catchy...
First Impression: 8/10
Like the poster and background. It gives off a good feeling about your story...
Forewords: 8/10
So interesting !
Plot: 7/15
It's not the first time I've read this kind of plots. And to tell you the truth, you
need more improvement.
Creativity/Originality: 6/15
You need more improvement to imagine more realistic story lines.
Flow: 4/10
To tell you the truth, some chapters are a mess...
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 2/10
You have multiple errors but I would just like to show
you some errors so that you can improve and edit your story.
1. (Chapter 7)
You said:
Jiro’s POV
Ella, you are my friend. I will never let you to be suffering again.
End POV
*Correct:
Jiro's POV
Ella, you are my friend. I don't want to see you suffering again.
End POV
2. You said:
Dr. Lim: I will not let you to do that!
*Correct:
Dr. Lim: I will not allow you to do so !
3. You said:
Dr. Lim: I take care of you when you was little until now, I would never let you do that!
*Correct:
I took care of you when you were still little and until now. I won't allow you to do this to yourself !
4.You said:
Ella: That is a lie! I never get healthy! My cancer spread to my other system in my body and I don’t want it to spread into my heart!
*Correct:
Ella: That's a lie, I will never be healthy again ! The cancer already spread to my other systems in my body and I don't want it to affect my heart !
5.You said:
Lim: He wants to talk to you but me illegal him to do that.
*Correct:
Lim: He wants to talk to you but I forbid him to do so since were going to operate soon.
Characterization: 8/10
I like how you gave a small brief about their love life. =]
Writing Style: 5/10
It doesn't matter what kind of style you do, the most important this is,
the reader can imagine your story and can feel the emotions and understand your story fully which that's what you lack in your story.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I think they were a little childish. A person whose in a critical condition, even if they hate him/her for the sake of their loved one or a close friend, they should be mature enough to act their own age especially their profession is all about saving lives !
Sub Total: 46/100
Bonus: 0/5
I'm sorry but you really need improvement with your grammar... =]
Total: 46/100
Oh no ! This is the first review I gave a small grade. =[ I'm sorry if I have offended you in any
way but I'm just doing my job as a fair reviewer. =] It hurts for me to give you a low score. I don't want to pull down writers instead, encourage them to practice more. So I would like to
recommend you to a site so that the next time you would do a story, you can let them edit
it for you or you can learn to increase your vocabulary by taking lessons in tutorials. (I'm not sure if all sites have tutorials... =] ) I would like to help you cause I believe your a very
good writer, you just need improvement... Thank you for giving me a chance to review your story and i hope you would take my comments as a compliment.... ^^ Have A Nice Day!
Friday, June 26, 2009
It's you; Cinderella without glass slippers by Pink Princess
Title: It's you; Cinderella without glass slippers
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/neorago_AS/
Author : Pink Princess
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5 I actually I like the title cause it represents a sad and romance story line. I would want to give you a perfect score for that but the first letter in each word should be capitalized... =]
First Impression: 10/10
The background and poster fits your story well, Great Job !
Forewords: 9/10
It's very interesting the way you made it a bed time story. =]
Plot: 15/15
Now this is what you call TRUE LOVE ! I'm impressed.
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Your very creative and your good in imagining things. Keep It Up ! =]
Flow: 8/10
Sometimes I get confused to whom is being talked about or the one talking. (But it didn't affect the flow at all =] )
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
I've seen one, and I think you just accidentally scrambled the word so yeah... =] But, it really doesn't matter, cause your plot rocks !
Characterization: 9/10
Like I said, sometimes I get confused but seeing your determination
and being creative, It makes up for your slight errors...
Writing Style: 9/10
It doesn't matter what writing style you do, just let the reader imagine or let him/her feel the emotions and understand the story fully. And that's already enough.. =]
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
It's so sweet..! I really felt moved what Sungmin said... ="]
Sub Total: 91/100
Bonus: 5/5
Wow, you already have 91 points in sub total of your story ! =] But anyway, I would just like to tell you that I really liked your story and it made me float for awhile.. =] So here you go, plus 5 bonus.. Enjoy ! =]
Total: 96/100
Thank you for choosing me to review your fanfic. =] I had fun ^^ and I hope I didn't offend you
in any way at all..And I'm sorry for reviewing this only today cause I'm really busy with my schedule, hope you understand. =] Anyway, keep it up ! Your an outstanding writer and I do
believe in the future that you would be a guide to those who wants to be like you. =]
Enjoy..! ^^
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/neorago_AS/
Author : Pink Princess
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5 I actually I like the title cause it represents a sad and romance story line. I would want to give you a perfect score for that but the first letter in each word should be capitalized... =]
First Impression: 10/10
The background and poster fits your story well, Great Job !
Forewords: 9/10
It's very interesting the way you made it a bed time story. =]
Plot: 15/15
Now this is what you call TRUE LOVE ! I'm impressed.
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Your very creative and your good in imagining things. Keep It Up ! =]
Flow: 8/10
Sometimes I get confused to whom is being talked about or the one talking. (But it didn't affect the flow at all =] )
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
I've seen one, and I think you just accidentally scrambled the word so yeah... =] But, it really doesn't matter, cause your plot rocks !
Characterization: 9/10
Like I said, sometimes I get confused but seeing your determination
and being creative, It makes up for your slight errors...
Writing Style: 9/10
It doesn't matter what writing style you do, just let the reader imagine or let him/her feel the emotions and understand the story fully. And that's already enough.. =]
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
It's so sweet..! I really felt moved what Sungmin said... ="]
Sub Total: 91/100
Bonus: 5/5
Wow, you already have 91 points in sub total of your story ! =] But anyway, I would just like to tell you that I really liked your story and it made me float for awhile.. =] So here you go, plus 5 bonus.. Enjoy ! =]
Total: 96/100
Thank you for choosing me to review your fanfic. =] I had fun ^^ and I hope I didn't offend you
in any way at all..And I'm sorry for reviewing this only today cause I'm really busy with my schedule, hope you understand. =] Anyway, keep it up ! Your an outstanding writer and I do
believe in the future that you would be a guide to those who wants to be like you. =]
Enjoy..! ^^
♥LOVE EQUILIBRIUM♥ by Naire Perplexity
Author : Naire Perplexity
Title : ♥LOVE EQUILIBRIUM♥
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/9naire10_4/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.
Title : 3/5
The title is unique and lovely to me, although at first it didn't give me the exact expression I wanted. As the chapters were explored, I understand why you name this story as it is. One thing that bothers me is the '♥' signs which are very informal and they don't look nice in my opinion.
First impression : 7/10
My first impression towards this story was, “Oh, she has no poster and bg.. That'll make my job easier to not include the mark.” but the next day I found a nice poster and bg being used for the fic, so I don't have much to complain about. The poster is nice, but a little bit too light and this doesn't really lift up the characters. Otherwise, it is very good. Plus, I like the wordings used ^^
Forewords : 5/10
You're trying to introduce the characters and the pairings, which is okay but don't you think it'll leave suspense to the readers? The pairings made the story more predictable as people will know which girl will be with whom and etc. Like Charlene, I was thinking that she would still root for Chun, but remembering back your forewords, I know that Danson will be her man in the end. [My prediction may be wrong, but this is what your forewords gave me]. Summary-- I would love to read the summary of this story. Not that you didn't tell us, it's just that the summary is too plain and didn't elaborate much about the plot.
Plot : 13/15
So far, I like the plot because it is very neat and organized. You matched things together, but there are also some cliché scenes that I had to skip in order to maintain my interest. Like when Rainie acted very rude and talked back to her mother and sisters, I think it should be minimized because it'll only make unnecessary judgments to your fanfic. It is fine to use a little bit of taboo and violence, but it should be controlled too. Don't make Mrs. Chen look as if she's useless.
Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Let's go with the originality first okay? As you may know, the plot line is not original and it has been used many times by other writers. Falling in love with your best friend is very common and it'll become boring if writers tend to overuse it. What makes your story interesting is that you know how to play with your characters and make them yours eventhough your plot is a little bit normal. Your creativity and ideas are very blooming, and they are your advantages.
Flow : 9/10
I like the flow, but in some chapters you wasted it on talking about shopping and boring stuffs. As what you said on chapter 7, it is pretty 'less-amusing'. Altogether, your flow is good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8.5/10
It is a very enjoyable journey of reading a fanfic with very nice vocabulary and I have to admit that I like how you used big words to describe things. Take note that you also have spelling errors and mistakes in tenses. These are some mistakes I spotted..
Chapter 2
1) “Wow. Like your not used to it,” Chun replied.
Corrected- “Wow, like you're not used to it,” Chun replied.
2)Chun laughed at her and messed her hair. He really liked it when she’s pissed. She’s so cute whenever she pouts. He likes her playful attitude. He never gets bored whenever she’s with her and he never felt tired
Corrected- Chun laughed at her and ruffled her hair. He really likes it when she's pissed (because he adores the action for an on-going time and not just in the past. Because if you noticed, the next sentence is in present tense too as it happens like a daily routine). She's so cute whenever she pouts ans he likes her playfulness. He never got bored or tired whenever he's with her.
Also in other chapters, I guess I don't need to tell all since you have like 25 chapters there and correcting them one by one would take me..[..quite some time]
Characterization : 9/10
Ella and Chun were described well and I like it (: but I really don't favor Charlene's behavior of being too full of herself.
Writing style : 10/10
Very neat.
Overall enjoyment : 3/5
At first, it was boring but for the sake of reviewing, I had to continue reading and be patient with it. I figured out that this story is not so bad at all. In fact, it is very interesting. Good job.
Sub total : 79.5/100
Bonus : 2.5/5
For replying to your readers and also for the nice respond ^^
Total : 83/100
Sorry that your preferred reviewer (imperfection.x3) is busy that she shouldn't review your fic but I hope you will like this. I am quite strict in reviewing and my range of good stories is from 70-99% (cause I know it's almost impossible to get 100%). So congratulation, you made it in ^^. As for your request of having your reviewer stick to reading your story until the end, no problem. I will still be waiting for your updates even if you didn't tell me. ^^ cause I want to know how it'll go between Chun and Ella. Best of luck :)
Title : ♥LOVE EQUILIBRIUM♥
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/9naire10_4/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.
Title : 3/5
The title is unique and lovely to me, although at first it didn't give me the exact expression I wanted. As the chapters were explored, I understand why you name this story as it is. One thing that bothers me is the '♥' signs which are very informal and they don't look nice in my opinion.
First impression : 7/10
My first impression towards this story was, “Oh, she has no poster and bg.. That'll make my job easier to not include the mark.” but the next day I found a nice poster and bg being used for the fic, so I don't have much to complain about. The poster is nice, but a little bit too light and this doesn't really lift up the characters. Otherwise, it is very good. Plus, I like the wordings used ^^
Forewords : 5/10
You're trying to introduce the characters and the pairings, which is okay but don't you think it'll leave suspense to the readers? The pairings made the story more predictable as people will know which girl will be with whom and etc. Like Charlene, I was thinking that she would still root for Chun, but remembering back your forewords, I know that Danson will be her man in the end. [My prediction may be wrong, but this is what your forewords gave me]. Summary-- I would love to read the summary of this story. Not that you didn't tell us, it's just that the summary is too plain and didn't elaborate much about the plot.
Plot : 13/15
So far, I like the plot because it is very neat and organized. You matched things together, but there are also some cliché scenes that I had to skip in order to maintain my interest. Like when Rainie acted very rude and talked back to her mother and sisters, I think it should be minimized because it'll only make unnecessary judgments to your fanfic. It is fine to use a little bit of taboo and violence, but it should be controlled too. Don't make Mrs. Chen look as if she's useless.
Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Let's go with the originality first okay? As you may know, the plot line is not original and it has been used many times by other writers. Falling in love with your best friend is very common and it'll become boring if writers tend to overuse it. What makes your story interesting is that you know how to play with your characters and make them yours eventhough your plot is a little bit normal. Your creativity and ideas are very blooming, and they are your advantages.
Flow : 9/10
I like the flow, but in some chapters you wasted it on talking about shopping and boring stuffs. As what you said on chapter 7, it is pretty 'less-amusing'. Altogether, your flow is good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8.5/10
It is a very enjoyable journey of reading a fanfic with very nice vocabulary and I have to admit that I like how you used big words to describe things. Take note that you also have spelling errors and mistakes in tenses. These are some mistakes I spotted..
Chapter 2
1) “Wow. Like your not used to it,” Chun replied.
Corrected- “Wow, like you're not used to it,” Chun replied.
2)Chun laughed at her and messed her hair. He really liked it when she’s pissed. She’s so cute whenever she pouts. He likes her playful attitude. He never gets bored whenever she’s with her and he never felt tired
Corrected- Chun laughed at her and ruffled her hair. He really likes it when she's pissed (because he adores the action for an on-going time and not just in the past. Because if you noticed, the next sentence is in present tense too as it happens like a daily routine). She's so cute whenever she pouts ans he likes her playfulness. He never got bored or tired whenever he's with her.
Also in other chapters, I guess I don't need to tell all since you have like 25 chapters there and correcting them one by one would take me..[..quite some time]
Characterization : 9/10
Ella and Chun were described well and I like it (: but I really don't favor Charlene's behavior of being too full of herself.
Writing style : 10/10
Very neat.
Overall enjoyment : 3/5
At first, it was boring but for the sake of reviewing, I had to continue reading and be patient with it. I figured out that this story is not so bad at all. In fact, it is very interesting. Good job.
Sub total : 79.5/100
Bonus : 2.5/5
For replying to your readers and also for the nice respond ^^
Total : 83/100
Sorry that your preferred reviewer (imperfection.x3) is busy that she shouldn't review your fic but I hope you will like this. I am quite strict in reviewing and my range of good stories is from 70-99% (cause I know it's almost impossible to get 100%). So congratulation, you made it in ^^. As for your request of having your reviewer stick to reading your story until the end, no problem. I will still be waiting for your updates even if you didn't tell me. ^^ cause I want to know how it'll go between Chun and Ella. Best of luck :)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Love Installation by babycrickett
Title: Love Installation
Author: babycrickett
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babycrickett2/
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4.5/5
Wow, your title is very original. I really found it interesting and new. It’s a very unique title. I didn’t quite get the connection of the title, the keyboard, and the caption. Since the caption says: “Have you located your HEART ma’am?” I found that it connected greatly with the title, but concerning the keyboard on the poster… I wasn’t so sure, UNTIL I read the forewords, I understood everything. But overall, I loved your title!
First Impression: 8/10
With first impression, I was really stunned. The title really captured my attention, while the poster and background were really done well. It did give me a bit of confusion, concerning the connections as I have mentioned before, but it was really good. I couldn’t wait to read it. Next time, just make sure that you improve on your quotes and poster features, because it can really confuse readers.
Forewords: 9/10
This is really tremendous! Even though the forewords is short, it was good enough to attract a reader in waiting for future updates. This is the first time I ever seen such a foreword structure. It didn’t consist of certain characters, but it was indeed interesting. Next time, maybe communicate with your readers, as of introducing yourself, etc. Besides that, I loved your forewords.
Plot: 15/15
This is the first time I actually gave someone a full mark on this topic. Your plot was definitely incredible and original! I have never seen or encountered such plot. Great job!
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Like I said, it was really different. It was really creative. It was interesting, plus it can teach many people a lesson. I didn’t give you a full mark because it felt as if something was missing. SOMETHING that can’t be identified… at least I can’t. But I honestly loved it.
Flow: 9/10
The flow was tremendous. No sudden stops, or fast forwards.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You rarely made mistakes, clearly, it was obvious that you edited it carefully. But there were at least 2 mistakes I noticed.
Characterisation: 5/10
For this fanfic, the characterisation was clearly acceptable, but since I’m supposed to mark you on this, you get a low mark, because the characters could be ANYONE.
Writing Style: 8/10
The writing style was good. It could be improved in various ways like the paragraph style, etc. As long as you don’t do it in script, it’ll be fine.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I guess this goes for the reviewer’s point of view. I liked it… but I wanted to, somehow, read this in a longer version, not a one-shot. I know that it’s going to be difficult… but you never know right?
Sub Total: 85.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
I have NEVER written such a short review! Saved time ;) Anyways, I gave you a 3 because:
1. The plot was unique
2. You requested at ROL
3. & You had a very interesting one shot.
Total: 88.5/100
THANKS for requesting at ROL! :)
Author: babycrickett
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babycrickett2/
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4.5/5
Wow, your title is very original. I really found it interesting and new. It’s a very unique title. I didn’t quite get the connection of the title, the keyboard, and the caption. Since the caption says: “Have you located your HEART ma’am?” I found that it connected greatly with the title, but concerning the keyboard on the poster… I wasn’t so sure, UNTIL I read the forewords, I understood everything. But overall, I loved your title!
First Impression: 8/10
With first impression, I was really stunned. The title really captured my attention, while the poster and background were really done well. It did give me a bit of confusion, concerning the connections as I have mentioned before, but it was really good. I couldn’t wait to read it. Next time, just make sure that you improve on your quotes and poster features, because it can really confuse readers.
Forewords: 9/10
This is really tremendous! Even though the forewords is short, it was good enough to attract a reader in waiting for future updates. This is the first time I ever seen such a foreword structure. It didn’t consist of certain characters, but it was indeed interesting. Next time, maybe communicate with your readers, as of introducing yourself, etc. Besides that, I loved your forewords.
Plot: 15/15
This is the first time I actually gave someone a full mark on this topic. Your plot was definitely incredible and original! I have never seen or encountered such plot. Great job!
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Like I said, it was really different. It was really creative. It was interesting, plus it can teach many people a lesson. I didn’t give you a full mark because it felt as if something was missing. SOMETHING that can’t be identified… at least I can’t. But I honestly loved it.
Flow: 9/10
The flow was tremendous. No sudden stops, or fast forwards.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You rarely made mistakes, clearly, it was obvious that you edited it carefully. But there were at least 2 mistakes I noticed.
Characterisation: 5/10
For this fanfic, the characterisation was clearly acceptable, but since I’m supposed to mark you on this, you get a low mark, because the characters could be ANYONE.
Writing Style: 8/10
The writing style was good. It could be improved in various ways like the paragraph style, etc. As long as you don’t do it in script, it’ll be fine.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I guess this goes for the reviewer’s point of view. I liked it… but I wanted to, somehow, read this in a longer version, not a one-shot. I know that it’s going to be difficult… but you never know right?
Sub Total: 85.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
I have NEVER written such a short review! Saved time ;) Anyways, I gave you a 3 because:
1. The plot was unique
2. You requested at ROL
3. & You had a very interesting one shot.
Total: 88.5/100
THANKS for requesting at ROL! :)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Changed by UnknownViet
Author : UnknownViet
Title : Changed
Link : http://winglin.net/fanfic/stec/
Status : COMPLETED
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others and I may be wrong. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.
Title : 4/5
To be honest, I like this type of title. Short and simple, yet it is mysterious. It makes us want to read more and find out what has changed. But somehow, it is too ambiguous.. I cannot tell whether the guy has changed or what. It is just the title or everything seemed too draggy?
First impression : 10/10
I can't lie about this but I really admire your poster and background. Not as a reviewer, but as a sincere reader. I saw your poster earlier @ROL and I was really amazed to see you using uljjang instead of famous singers or actors. The poster is very well done and the font color matches with it. So perfect score.
Forewords : 6/10
I was curious about your first story, which is “the end” so I came to read that one after I was finished with this story. Unfortunately, I saw the same, repeated sentence which doesn't lift up my mood in reading it. It was confusing too on how Chi Hoon changed without telling us in which part did he actually change. I don't know if it is just me, but it was left vaguely without proper explaination.
Plot : 12/15
The plot is a bit cliché and overly used where the guy was trying to find the girl because of the mistake that he made. But I don't get it why Miki can't learn to understand him and why did she let him blame himself for everything? Another is maybe because all events were focused on valentine's day, which is common. I was also wondering what happened to Miki after that.
Creativity/ Originality : 13/15
Not much for your originality but I really like on how you twisted the story and brought in a lady into the scene to help him arouse his courage by giving him inspiration. The bad thing is, you used the same reason normal people would do, “I can't live without her, after she's gone I am nothing.” or something around that line. It is really boring to see people discouraging themselves just because of a person. I know and I understand completely how he felt when he lost Miki, but why didn't he fight for her earlier? Why must he wait after 2 years? It's good that you changed Chi Hoon into another person who fought back for Miki, or else you're going to lose more marks. So well done.
Flow : 7/10
I can't say that I am satisfied with your flow because the ending was so sudden and abrupt. Miki's respond was totally unexpected and you left us hanging after that. However, I can put it in my understanding if you wanted the story to end in a tragic, mysterious way.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8.5/10
If you were trying to improve your grammar and vocabulary, I think you did pretty well. I spotted few mistakes though, but they're just minor mistakes. You have good range of words and things were explained very clearly.
Characterization : 9/10
I know both are uljjang and I am familiar with Miki, but her personality here is different from what an uljjang should be. So a big congratulation to you. I don't want to see such jerky and stupid people, but your characters differ from the real world, which is very good. They are innocent and for a moment I forgot that the girl was Miki. Oh, Miki's description wasn't elaborated that well, it would be better if you did so.
Writing style : 9/10
Not much of a problem although there are some packed sentences.
Overall enjoyment : 4/5
Yes, I enjoyed it very well despite that I was confused of Chi Hoon's change and the unsatisfying ending.
Sub total : 82.5/100
Bonus : 1/5
For using uljjang instead of 'common' characters..
Total : 83.5/100
Well done ^^
Title : Changed
Link : http://winglin.net/fanfic/stec/
Status : COMPLETED
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others and I may be wrong. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.
Title : 4/5
To be honest, I like this type of title. Short and simple, yet it is mysterious. It makes us want to read more and find out what has changed. But somehow, it is too ambiguous.. I cannot tell whether the guy has changed or what. It is just the title or everything seemed too draggy?
First impression : 10/10
I can't lie about this but I really admire your poster and background. Not as a reviewer, but as a sincere reader. I saw your poster earlier @ROL and I was really amazed to see you using uljjang instead of famous singers or actors. The poster is very well done and the font color matches with it. So perfect score.
Forewords : 6/10
I was curious about your first story, which is “the end” so I came to read that one after I was finished with this story. Unfortunately, I saw the same, repeated sentence which doesn't lift up my mood in reading it. It was confusing too on how Chi Hoon changed without telling us in which part did he actually change. I don't know if it is just me, but it was left vaguely without proper explaination.
Plot : 12/15
The plot is a bit cliché and overly used where the guy was trying to find the girl because of the mistake that he made. But I don't get it why Miki can't learn to understand him and why did she let him blame himself for everything? Another is maybe because all events were focused on valentine's day, which is common. I was also wondering what happened to Miki after that.
Creativity/ Originality : 13/15
Not much for your originality but I really like on how you twisted the story and brought in a lady into the scene to help him arouse his courage by giving him inspiration. The bad thing is, you used the same reason normal people would do, “I can't live without her, after she's gone I am nothing.” or something around that line. It is really boring to see people discouraging themselves just because of a person. I know and I understand completely how he felt when he lost Miki, but why didn't he fight for her earlier? Why must he wait after 2 years? It's good that you changed Chi Hoon into another person who fought back for Miki, or else you're going to lose more marks. So well done.
Flow : 7/10
I can't say that I am satisfied with your flow because the ending was so sudden and abrupt. Miki's respond was totally unexpected and you left us hanging after that. However, I can put it in my understanding if you wanted the story to end in a tragic, mysterious way.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8.5/10
If you were trying to improve your grammar and vocabulary, I think you did pretty well. I spotted few mistakes though, but they're just minor mistakes. You have good range of words and things were explained very clearly.
Characterization : 9/10
I know both are uljjang and I am familiar with Miki, but her personality here is different from what an uljjang should be. So a big congratulation to you. I don't want to see such jerky and stupid people, but your characters differ from the real world, which is very good. They are innocent and for a moment I forgot that the girl was Miki. Oh, Miki's description wasn't elaborated that well, it would be better if you did so.
Writing style : 9/10
Not much of a problem although there are some packed sentences.
Overall enjoyment : 4/5
Yes, I enjoyed it very well despite that I was confused of Chi Hoon's change and the unsatisfying ending.
Sub total : 82.5/100
Bonus : 1/5
For using uljjang instead of 'common' characters..
Total : 83.5/100
Well done ^^
Unerased Memories by Stepha.nie
Title: Unerased Memories [ONE SHOT]
Author: Stepha.nie
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/stephshot01/
Status: COMPLETED
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
Personally, I liked your title, although ‘unerased’ isn’t really a word? I tried to search it up, but no. But the thought put in the story is extremely good.
First Impression: 7.5/10
Since it’s been a habit for me, I do not read fanfics without a poster and background. For me, I find it more interesting to read a fanfic with a poster, though the poster & background may look bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really picky with One Shots. One Shot’s without a poster & BG is fine because it isn’t really a long term fanfiction. But just to inform you that it would ATTRACT readers if you have a poster. Okay, since you will get your poster later on, I added marks to my first impression. NOTE this that first expression is what you felt about seeing the story at first site, so I hope you didn’t get offended by my comment? Lastly, your title was good. It did make me curious and want to read it.
Forewords: 7/10
I marked you easily on this because in a ONE SHOT fic, you aren’t supposed to give away much right? & since you followed my expectations, I gave you a 7. Yet why a 7? Firstly, because I’m really tough on this section. Secondly, because you could’ve improved it in many ways, like lengthening the forewords, separating your words apart from the FOREWORDS itself (do you follow?) & by adding cliffhangers which would make your reader wait for future updates. I did like your summary though. I found it unique in many ways. 1) That you gave 2 summaries which corresponded with each other and 2) that you kept it plain. Oh! & I almost forgot, you should introduce your characters here. :)
Plot: 12/15
Your plot was rather interesting. I liked it. I have nothing else to say.
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Here, you added your own creativity & originality. Despite the common plot, you managed to add your own loops and ending. Good job.
Flow: 8/10
Since it’s a One Shot, I found the flow rather compatible with the story. It wasn’t too fast or too slow. Just make sure not to add TOO many details. It’s good to have details, but don’t add too many that may delay the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
I was straining with this one. You had a lot of grammar mistakes, yet I managed to understand it.
Mistakes you made:
1. When you mention “I” always capitalize it.
- “…i sensed that my mom is calling me but i ignored her…”
- …i don't want to be fooled by my mom anymore.
2. Your tenses were really off, and the way you conjugate a verb.
- I putted down my chopstick… - if ever putted was a word, putted isn’t right for this tense, or ANY tense. It should be: I placed my chopstick down…
3. When placing periods, commas, etc., do not make such a huge gap between them:
- " Yes , coming. " I replied.
- " Joo Yeon , the lunch is ready. "
Okay, I know I talk too much, but I’m here to help you out. I hope you understand. Also, in good terms, I liked your format, etc. & I understood what you were trying to point out.
Characterization: 9/10
Characters are made or chosen from the interest of the author. I didn’t give you a full mark because I didn’t get to learn about the characters. Like I didn’t get to see their personality much… etc.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your style was good, but at some point, you were all over the place… so next time, just organize it in paragraphs, quotes, etc.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
:) Good job. I want to remain silent about this one.
Sub Total: 64/100
Bonus: 5/5
I give you 5 because:
- For requesting @ ROR
- For not getting insulted by my comments.
- For writing your first One shot fic
- For comprehending my comments
- & by writing interesting fanfics :)
Total: 69/100
Thanks for requesting @ ROL!
Author: Stepha.nie
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/stephshot01/
Status: COMPLETED
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ Rawr.Out.Loud
*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza
Title: 4/5
Personally, I liked your title, although ‘unerased’ isn’t really a word? I tried to search it up, but no. But the thought put in the story is extremely good.
First Impression: 7.5/10
Since it’s been a habit for me, I do not read fanfics without a poster and background. For me, I find it more interesting to read a fanfic with a poster, though the poster & background may look bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really picky with One Shots. One Shot’s without a poster & BG is fine because it isn’t really a long term fanfiction. But just to inform you that it would ATTRACT readers if you have a poster. Okay, since you will get your poster later on, I added marks to my first impression. NOTE this that first expression is what you felt about seeing the story at first site, so I hope you didn’t get offended by my comment? Lastly, your title was good. It did make me curious and want to read it.
Forewords: 7/10
I marked you easily on this because in a ONE SHOT fic, you aren’t supposed to give away much right? & since you followed my expectations, I gave you a 7. Yet why a 7? Firstly, because I’m really tough on this section. Secondly, because you could’ve improved it in many ways, like lengthening the forewords, separating your words apart from the FOREWORDS itself (do you follow?) & by adding cliffhangers which would make your reader wait for future updates. I did like your summary though. I found it unique in many ways. 1) That you gave 2 summaries which corresponded with each other and 2) that you kept it plain. Oh! & I almost forgot, you should introduce your characters here. :)
Plot: 12/15
Your plot was rather interesting. I liked it. I have nothing else to say.
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Here, you added your own creativity & originality. Despite the common plot, you managed to add your own loops and ending. Good job.
Flow: 8/10
Since it’s a One Shot, I found the flow rather compatible with the story. It wasn’t too fast or too slow. Just make sure not to add TOO many details. It’s good to have details, but don’t add too many that may delay the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
I was straining with this one. You had a lot of grammar mistakes, yet I managed to understand it.
Mistakes you made:
1. When you mention “I” always capitalize it.
- “…i sensed that my mom is calling me but i ignored her…”
- …i don't want to be fooled by my mom anymore.
2. Your tenses were really off, and the way you conjugate a verb.
- I putted down my chopstick… - if ever putted was a word, putted isn’t right for this tense, or ANY tense. It should be: I placed my chopstick down…
3. When placing periods, commas, etc., do not make such a huge gap between them:
- " Yes , coming. " I replied.
- " Joo Yeon , the lunch is ready. "
Okay, I know I talk too much, but I’m here to help you out. I hope you understand. Also, in good terms, I liked your format, etc. & I understood what you were trying to point out.
Characterization: 9/10
Characters are made or chosen from the interest of the author. I didn’t give you a full mark because I didn’t get to learn about the characters. Like I didn’t get to see their personality much… etc.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your style was good, but at some point, you were all over the place… so next time, just organize it in paragraphs, quotes, etc.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
:) Good job. I want to remain silent about this one.
Sub Total: 64/100
Bonus: 5/5
I give you 5 because:
- For requesting @ ROR
- For not getting insulted by my comments.
- For writing your first One shot fic
- For comprehending my comments
- & by writing interesting fanfics :)
Total: 69/100
Thanks for requesting @ ROL!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Fallen Angel by Bhaby_aiya09
Author : Bhaby_aiya09
Title : The Fallen Angel
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ghostielun04
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Kira @ RawrOutLoud
Warning: This reviewer is not for the light hearts.
Title: 2/5
Not very original, and the random capitalizing of the l’s is a bit unnecessary. I get the sense that this is going to be one of those cliché chick flick plotlines. I don’t know, but it sort of makes me go, “Ugh, not another one of those stories.”
First Impression: 5/10
It’s nice that you did your own poster and what not. But umm…I think it looks a bit dull and dreary. Before I even read the story, I get a very dragging feeling that makes me gloomy and gray. So the first impression for me is really not very good. Then, the pink burns my eyes. At least the background doesn’t burn with it. After reading it, I didn’t really get the mysterious, foggy feeling that I was expecting to get from the story.
Forewords: 5/10
Well, it’s a bit discouraging when there’s a grammar error in the first sentence. And I feel like after reading the title and the foreword, there’s no need to read the rest. If I wasn’t reviewing, I’d be long gone. Perhaps the only thing that would make me stay is that fact that you said it’s a poem. Well, winglin forewords are fake forewords, but I guess I feel that the foreword should give me a sense of how you came across this idea or at least just a mysterious feeling of what is going to happen without revealing the plot.
Plot: 4/15
I suspected as much from the title it would be something about someone falling from the heavens and someone else helping the former to build up trust and love again. I was also a bit confused. I mean, for a poem, you leave a lot of superfluous details yet fail to explain some key points like why does Gui Gui love Aaron? I don’t know, seems more like Aaron didn’t actually fall in love with her rather just took her because she was the only one that supported him and perhaps out of lust too. Everything moved so fast, I really wasn’t quite sure what was going on.
Creativity/Originality: 5/15
I’ll give you points for attempting to write in poem format even though I feel like you just ended up writing a story without imagery. The plot was not to die for though. Been there, done that. There are probably hundreds of animes with same plot line but more extensive.
Flow: 5/10
I couldn’t follow. It was way too fast for me. I had no idea what was going on and before I knew it Aaron’s trying to get some from Gui Gui. They met and fell in love within the span of like…a few minutes. It’s like Romeo and Juliet on steroid-fast-forward. And I’m not talking about the plot either.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
Where to begin? Right, well, you can get away with a lot of things by writing in poem format like the subject-predicate and what not, but you still should make sense. I’m a bit confused as to why you decided to capitalize “Queen Wind” but not “king rain.” Just a little thing I noticed, but not all that important. You switched tenses a lot too. To the point that I was having a hard time following. I couldn’t really tell anymore if I was in present, past, future, or foresight. In fact, I couldn’t really tell if I was up or down. [Example: “The cloud was so dark, that it turns my wings into black…” You’re not very consistent considering how the first part is in past yet the second is in present. That’s almost the same as saying, this happened yesterday, today I jog. I’d change it to “The cloud was so dark, that it turned my wings into black” or “The cloud is so dark, that it turns my wings into black.”] I didn’t learn any new words. Considerably simple vocabulary.
Characterization: 2/10
Umm…who are these people? I have no clue Gui Gui and Aaron are. Perhaps you’re expecting people who read this to know these people since you’re a fan of this pairing, but I’m starting from scratch here and I get the sense the Gui Gui is a very happy-go-lucky girl who just spontaneously willing decides to dedicate her whole body and soul to this random dude who for all she knows could actually be a pedophile. And Aaron seems like some sort of emo, self-pitying, lusting, desperate guy. Now I know why he fell from heaven... But frankly, this is all from my own observation.
Writing Style: 2/10
I understand that you are trying to write in a poem format, but to put it simply, it really isn’t a poem. In the end, it’s more of a extremely cut-throat to the point story with lots of holes you can poke at like Swiss cheese. Poems use language in a cryptic manner to convey an idea for the most part. I think of poem as the visual art of writing. Your writing is also pretty sloppy. I mean, obviously, you didn’t even look this over even once after writing it.
Overall Enjoyment: 1/5
Sorry, but like I said before, if it wasn’t for the fact that I was reviewing this. I wouldn’t have read it. I gave you a point back since it was in poem format, so it was nice to see a change in style of writing.
Sub Total: 34/100
Bonus: 0/5
Total: 34/100
Title : The Fallen Angel
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ghostielun04
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Kira @ RawrOutLoud
Warning: This reviewer is not for the light hearts.
Title: 2/5
Not very original, and the random capitalizing of the l’s is a bit unnecessary. I get the sense that this is going to be one of those cliché chick flick plotlines. I don’t know, but it sort of makes me go, “Ugh, not another one of those stories.”
First Impression: 5/10
It’s nice that you did your own poster and what not. But umm…I think it looks a bit dull and dreary. Before I even read the story, I get a very dragging feeling that makes me gloomy and gray. So the first impression for me is really not very good. Then, the pink burns my eyes. At least the background doesn’t burn with it. After reading it, I didn’t really get the mysterious, foggy feeling that I was expecting to get from the story.
Forewords: 5/10
Well, it’s a bit discouraging when there’s a grammar error in the first sentence. And I feel like after reading the title and the foreword, there’s no need to read the rest. If I wasn’t reviewing, I’d be long gone. Perhaps the only thing that would make me stay is that fact that you said it’s a poem. Well, winglin forewords are fake forewords, but I guess I feel that the foreword should give me a sense of how you came across this idea or at least just a mysterious feeling of what is going to happen without revealing the plot.
Plot: 4/15
I suspected as much from the title it would be something about someone falling from the heavens and someone else helping the former to build up trust and love again. I was also a bit confused. I mean, for a poem, you leave a lot of superfluous details yet fail to explain some key points like why does Gui Gui love Aaron? I don’t know, seems more like Aaron didn’t actually fall in love with her rather just took her because she was the only one that supported him and perhaps out of lust too. Everything moved so fast, I really wasn’t quite sure what was going on.
Creativity/Originality: 5/15
I’ll give you points for attempting to write in poem format even though I feel like you just ended up writing a story without imagery. The plot was not to die for though. Been there, done that. There are probably hundreds of animes with same plot line but more extensive.
Flow: 5/10
I couldn’t follow. It was way too fast for me. I had no idea what was going on and before I knew it Aaron’s trying to get some from Gui Gui. They met and fell in love within the span of like…a few minutes. It’s like Romeo and Juliet on steroid-fast-forward. And I’m not talking about the plot either.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
Where to begin? Right, well, you can get away with a lot of things by writing in poem format like the subject-predicate and what not, but you still should make sense. I’m a bit confused as to why you decided to capitalize “Queen Wind” but not “king rain.” Just a little thing I noticed, but not all that important. You switched tenses a lot too. To the point that I was having a hard time following. I couldn’t really tell anymore if I was in present, past, future, or foresight. In fact, I couldn’t really tell if I was up or down. [Example: “The cloud was so dark, that it turns my wings into black…” You’re not very consistent considering how the first part is in past yet the second is in present. That’s almost the same as saying, this happened yesterday, today I jog. I’d change it to “The cloud was so dark, that it turned my wings into black” or “The cloud is so dark, that it turns my wings into black.”] I didn’t learn any new words. Considerably simple vocabulary.
Characterization: 2/10
Umm…who are these people? I have no clue Gui Gui and Aaron are. Perhaps you’re expecting people who read this to know these people since you’re a fan of this pairing, but I’m starting from scratch here and I get the sense the Gui Gui is a very happy-go-lucky girl who just spontaneously willing decides to dedicate her whole body and soul to this random dude who for all she knows could actually be a pedophile. And Aaron seems like some sort of emo, self-pitying, lusting, desperate guy. Now I know why he fell from heaven... But frankly, this is all from my own observation.
Writing Style: 2/10
I understand that you are trying to write in a poem format, but to put it simply, it really isn’t a poem. In the end, it’s more of a extremely cut-throat to the point story with lots of holes you can poke at like Swiss cheese. Poems use language in a cryptic manner to convey an idea for the most part. I think of poem as the visual art of writing. Your writing is also pretty sloppy. I mean, obviously, you didn’t even look this over even once after writing it.
Overall Enjoyment: 1/5
Sorry, but like I said before, if it wasn’t for the fact that I was reviewing this. I wouldn’t have read it. I gave you a point back since it was in poem format, so it was nice to see a change in style of writing.
Sub Total: 34/100
Bonus: 0/5
Total: 34/100
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Lost Prince [One- Shot~MysCious Challenge] by SushiLove
Title: Lost Prince [One- Shot~MysCious Challenge]
Author: SushiLove
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/chunellaism_3/
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5
I could feel the sadness just by reading the title... ="]
First Impression: 9/10
The background and the poster really explains the sad feeling of your story. They had contrast, that's why they compliment each other.
Forewords: 8/10
Sadness was the first word that popped into my mind. How I felt sorry for her, how she
never had a normal life because of her illness...
Plot: 12/15
Although I have read this kind of plot for a thousand times, but it was different. Everybody can make the same plot, It's just how they make their twist and turns...And how they can
satisfy the readers with their climax. So I'm impressed with your story in some ways. =]
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Like I said, I've read this kind of plots for a thousand times ! But because of your creativity and imagination, It accomplished to be a unique one.
Flow: 5/10
They fell in love instantly. It was so fast ! You should have put more events to make it more realistic. Although this is like a fairy tale story, but you should have made it more realistic enough though.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
I've seen minor errors. But the fact that you did your best and this is your first one-shot fiction, you did pretty well... =]
Characterization: 9/10
I like how you just gave a short detail about the casts. Because in this kind of story, readers
will concentrate with the plot although they would also be more interested if the casts are hot and pretty. =] But in this kind of story, it's exceptional because of the wonderful plot you imagined. Great Job !
Writing Style: 8/10
It doesn't matter what kind of writing style. The most important thing is, the readers should understand and feel the emotions in your story.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I'm not really into Korean fanfics, but this story really made me full of tears... ='']
So sad !
Sub Total: 79/100
Bonus: 5/5
Giving you a 5 ? Cause I can see your efforts in your story ! Any questions ? =]
Total: 84/100
I hope I didn't offend you in any way. =] This comments will increase your imagination. ^^
Thank you for letting me have this opportunity to review your story. Enjoy !
Author: SushiLove
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/chunellaism_3/
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5
I could feel the sadness just by reading the title... ="]
First Impression: 9/10
The background and the poster really explains the sad feeling of your story. They had contrast, that's why they compliment each other.
Forewords: 8/10
Sadness was the first word that popped into my mind. How I felt sorry for her, how she
never had a normal life because of her illness...
Plot: 12/15
Although I have read this kind of plot for a thousand times, but it was different. Everybody can make the same plot, It's just how they make their twist and turns...And how they can
satisfy the readers with their climax. So I'm impressed with your story in some ways. =]
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Like I said, I've read this kind of plots for a thousand times ! But because of your creativity and imagination, It accomplished to be a unique one.
Flow: 5/10
They fell in love instantly. It was so fast ! You should have put more events to make it more realistic. Although this is like a fairy tale story, but you should have made it more realistic enough though.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
I've seen minor errors. But the fact that you did your best and this is your first one-shot fiction, you did pretty well... =]
Characterization: 9/10
I like how you just gave a short detail about the casts. Because in this kind of story, readers
will concentrate with the plot although they would also be more interested if the casts are hot and pretty. =] But in this kind of story, it's exceptional because of the wonderful plot you imagined. Great Job !
Writing Style: 8/10
It doesn't matter what kind of writing style. The most important thing is, the readers should understand and feel the emotions in your story.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I'm not really into Korean fanfics, but this story really made me full of tears... ='']
So sad !
Sub Total: 79/100
Bonus: 5/5
Giving you a 5 ? Cause I can see your efforts in your story ! Any questions ? =]
Total: 84/100
I hope I didn't offend you in any way. =] This comments will increase your imagination. ^^
Thank you for letting me have this opportunity to review your story. Enjoy !
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
If I Was the One by Cupcake10000
Title: If I Was the One
Author: Cupcake10000
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Cupcake10000/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza
Title: 3/5
Your title was quite impressive for a new author. But since you’re new, you won’t receive a high mark. Usually, we want titles that are in the PRESENT tense, whereas the title should be “If I Were the One.” Your title by far is alright concerning connection to the story. Besides all of that, it’s all good.
First Impression: 8/10
I was stunned. Everything was tremendous. Though the title isn’t perfect, the poster and background is awesome. I love the color and mood chosen for the story. Great job! Next time, just change the font color, and make it blend, yet stand out with the background and poster. Basically saying that it should match. Great job!
Forewords: 6 /10
Your introduction of characters was good. You gave detailed yet simple introductions. Your synopsis wasn’t as thrilling though. It isn’t very unique. Unlike the introduction of characters, you didn’t give cliffhangers which will really make the readers stay tune. But since you’re new, it’s all good. You have a great writing career ahead of you if you learn from the advices given to you.
Plot: 7/15
Your plot was alright. Not much surprise for me. It’s like the usual: the boy leaves for another country, and promises the girl something. He comes back, but the girl meets another guy. Now the boy who left wants to win her heart again…etc. Your story might not exactly be like that, but it’s very predictable.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Hence the very ‘popular’ plot, you added some of your own creativity to it… so I gave you a 10.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow was good. It wasn’t too fast or slow. I have nothing else to say. Next time, give the characters some time to be around each other, THEN let them start liking each other.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I’m so mean. But yeah, I only gave you a 7.5 because I know that I can expect more from you. You made a lot of grammar mistakes, but I still understood what you were trying to say… Next time, try to reread and/or get someone to edit for you.
Characterization: 9/10
I gave you a high mark here not only because I’m a GUILUN fan, but because the characters do have sweet moments in real life. You chose good pairings. Be sure to add new characters to twist stories up, in your next fanfic.
Writing Style: 6/10
I used to write in this style, but I found it really annoying after a while.
In example: Gui Gui:*still sleepy*5 more minutes mom
Please write in paragraph form next time, or any other form besides script. This will increase your grade.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Personally, I liked your fanfic and can’t wait till your future chapters… :) The format just wasn’t too good. But overall, I enjoyed it.
Sub Total: 68.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
1. I give you a bonus for requesting at Rawr.Out.Loud for your first Fanfic.
2. For not getting upset with my comments
3. & lastly, for supporting GUILUN <3 :)
Total: 71.5/100
Thank you!
Review Requested @ Rawr-out-loud.blogspot.com
Author: Cupcake10000
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Cupcake10000/
Status: On-Going
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – LatienzaRawr.Out.Loud
*note*I am only a reviewer, I am here to help you improve on your future fanfics. So please do not be offended by my comments. – Latienza
Title: 3/5
Your title was quite impressive for a new author. But since you’re new, you won’t receive a high mark. Usually, we want titles that are in the PRESENT tense, whereas the title should be “If I Were the One.” Your title by far is alright concerning connection to the story. Besides all of that, it’s all good.
First Impression: 8/10
I was stunned. Everything was tremendous. Though the title isn’t perfect, the poster and background is awesome. I love the color and mood chosen for the story. Great job! Next time, just change the font color, and make it blend, yet stand out with the background and poster. Basically saying that it should match. Great job!
Forewords: 6 /10
Your introduction of characters was good. You gave detailed yet simple introductions. Your synopsis wasn’t as thrilling though. It isn’t very unique. Unlike the introduction of characters, you didn’t give cliffhangers which will really make the readers stay tune. But since you’re new, it’s all good. You have a great writing career ahead of you if you learn from the advices given to you.
Plot: 7/15
Your plot was alright. Not much surprise for me. It’s like the usual: the boy leaves for another country, and promises the girl something. He comes back, but the girl meets another guy. Now the boy who left wants to win her heart again…etc. Your story might not exactly be like that, but it’s very predictable.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Hence the very ‘popular’ plot, you added some of your own creativity to it… so I gave you a 10.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow was good. It wasn’t too fast or slow. I have nothing else to say. Next time, give the characters some time to be around each other, THEN let them start liking each other.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I’m so mean. But yeah, I only gave you a 7.5 because I know that I can expect more from you. You made a lot of grammar mistakes, but I still understood what you were trying to say… Next time, try to reread and/or get someone to edit for you.
Characterization: 9/10
I gave you a high mark here not only because I’m a GUILUN fan, but because the characters do have sweet moments in real life. You chose good pairings. Be sure to add new characters to twist stories up, in your next fanfic.
Writing Style: 6/10
I used to write in this style, but I found it really annoying after a while.
In example: Gui Gui:*still sleepy*5 more minutes mom
Please write in paragraph form next time, or any other form besides script. This will increase your grade.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Personally, I liked your fanfic and can’t wait till your future chapters… :) The format just wasn’t too good. But overall, I enjoyed it.
Sub Total: 68.5/100
Bonus: 3/5
1. I give you a bonus for requesting at Rawr.Out.Loud for your first Fanfic.
2. For not getting upset with my comments
3. & lastly, for supporting GUILUN <3 :)
Total: 71.5/100
Thank you!
Review Requested @ Rawr-out-loud.blogspot.com
Stupid And Idiotic Love Story by Sam
Title: Stupid And Idiotic Love Story
Author: Sam
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/chunellaism_3/
Status: Completed
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 2/5
I like your title but I would prefer if It was shorter and each first words should be capitalized.
First Impression: 9/10
When I first read the forewords, I got excited and curious. . .. ! ^^ And love the poster and background ! It suits it well. . . !
Forewords: 8/10
It's funny how you described them. =]
Plot: 15/15
I'll give you a perfect score since you did your best and the plot was awesome ! Although I had goosebumps in some parts of the story. =] Cheesy. . . ! =]
Creativity/Originality: 12/15
Seeing your plot, storyline and writing style,
You have a great ability.
Flow: 9/10
I like the way you put up with Ella. Making her expressionless and cold makes it more interesting to when she'll return to her own self again.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
You should check your capitalization and how to use commas, periods, question marks and exclamation point.
Characterization: 10/10
I like how you characterize them.So bubbly, cute & funny ! In short, Hilarious ! =]
Writing Style: 7/10
I get sometimes confuse whose talking or whose referring to. But I still like your originality.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
It was enjoyable and hilarious ! I laughed in some parts and had goosebumps at the same time because of the cheesiness. But all in all, It was awesome. =]
Sub Total: 81/100
Bonus: 5/5
You know why I'm giving you a 5 ? because it was fantastic and I had a great time reading it. ^^
Total: 86/100
*I'm sorry if there's in any way that I have offended you, I apologize for my comments. =]
Enjoy your review ! Hope you like it. =]
Author: Sam
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/chunellaism_3/
Status: Completed
Reviewed By: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 2/5
I like your title but I would prefer if It was shorter and each first words should be capitalized.
First Impression: 9/10
When I first read the forewords, I got excited and curious. . .. ! ^^ And love the poster and background ! It suits it well. . . !
Forewords: 8/10
It's funny how you described them. =]
Plot: 15/15
I'll give you a perfect score since you did your best and the plot was awesome ! Although I had goosebumps in some parts of the story. =] Cheesy. . . ! =]
Creativity/Originality: 12/15
Seeing your plot, storyline and writing style,
You have a great ability.
Flow: 9/10
I like the way you put up with Ella. Making her expressionless and cold makes it more interesting to when she'll return to her own self again.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
You should check your capitalization and how to use commas, periods, question marks and exclamation point.
Characterization: 10/10
I like how you characterize them.So bubbly, cute & funny ! In short, Hilarious ! =]
Writing Style: 7/10
I get sometimes confuse whose talking or whose referring to. But I still like your originality.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
It was enjoyable and hilarious ! I laughed in some parts and had goosebumps at the same time because of the cheesiness. But all in all, It was awesome. =]
Sub Total: 81/100
Bonus: 5/5
You know why I'm giving you a 5 ? because it was fantastic and I had a great time reading it. ^^
Total: 86/100
*I'm sorry if there's in any way that I have offended you, I apologize for my comments. =]
Enjoy your review ! Hope you like it. =]
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
May I Kiss You? by I {heart} DaeEun~
Title: May I Kiss You?
Author: I{heart}DaeEun~
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/I_heart_DaeEun/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5
I like the title, it's like filled with excitement...
First Impression: 7/10
Honestly, I'm not into Korean fanfics. However, continuously reading, I felt interested. . .^^
Forewords: 6/10
I like the way you paired the casts but you should have put some questions. for example. .
1. Why did he leave. . ?
2. Will he ever come back. . ?
like that for example. . =]
Plot: 10/15
There was no relation with a high school life and with a gang who likes pretty girls. . .but anyway, It was hilarious...At the beginning of course. . .
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
It's the first time I read this kind of plot. . ! Based on your creativeness, You are very creative in different ways. . . It'll show how you can be creative by the way you create your
plot, writing and story line of course.. . .
Flow: 8/10
The fact that the plot was kinda *woo* I mean "no relevance", But it was hilarious. . !
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
So far, you don't really have major errors. . .
Characterization: 5/10
It would be better if you explained more about YeEun and DaeSung. . . Even just the two of them, since the others were minors. . . Even a simple background about their lives. . .
Writing Style: 8/10
Different from the others, I'm impressed. . . I like the your style. . .
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I'm excited to know what's going to happen next. . .
Will they be still together..??
Can't wait. . . !
Sub Total: 74/100
Bonus: 3/5
It was one of a kind. . ! I like the humor and the sadness of course in the last chapter. . .
Total: 77/100
If you have been offended in some other way, I apologize. . . But this would help you improve your imaginations. . . Thank You. . .! Keep It Up. . .! =]
Author: I{heart}DaeEun~
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/I_heart_DaeEun/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Ronix ^^ @ RawrOutLoud
Title: 4/5
I like the title, it's like filled with excitement...
First Impression: 7/10
Honestly, I'm not into Korean fanfics. However, continuously reading, I felt interested. . .^^
Forewords: 6/10
I like the way you paired the casts but you should have put some questions. for example. .
1. Why did he leave. . ?
2. Will he ever come back. . ?
like that for example. . =]
Plot: 10/15
There was no relation with a high school life and with a gang who likes pretty girls. . .but anyway, It was hilarious...At the beginning of course. . .
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
It's the first time I read this kind of plot. . ! Based on your creativeness, You are very creative in different ways. . . It'll show how you can be creative by the way you create your
plot, writing and story line of course.. . .
Flow: 8/10
The fact that the plot was kinda *woo* I mean "no relevance", But it was hilarious. . !
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
So far, you don't really have major errors. . .
Characterization: 5/10
It would be better if you explained more about YeEun and DaeSung. . . Even just the two of them, since the others were minors. . . Even a simple background about their lives. . .
Writing Style: 8/10
Different from the others, I'm impressed. . . I like the your style. . .
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I'm excited to know what's going to happen next. . .
Will they be still together..??
Can't wait. . . !
Sub Total: 74/100
Bonus: 3/5
It was one of a kind. . ! I like the humor and the sadness of course in the last chapter. . .
Total: 77/100
If you have been offended in some other way, I apologize. . . But this would help you improve your imaginations. . . Thank You. . .! Keep It Up. . .! =]
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