“..I had fallen for my enemy..” by Mariel D.

Author : Mariel D.
Title : “..I had fallen for my enemy..”
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Guilun15/
Status : On-going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.

Title : 2/5
It’s a total plain title. And there are mistakes too. If you put, “had fallen” it means that you’re no longer falling for this person because it had happened in the past. But seeing your story, it is still on going. In fact, they’ve just fallen in love. I don’t know which one is your title, “The lonelyness that had once faded just bcoz of you” or “I had fallen for my enemy”. Either way, the mark is still going to be the same. The current title is wrong, the spelling of lonelyness. It’s supposed to be “Loneliness”. Do not put abbreviations in titles, it doesn’t look good. The title “The lonelyness that had once faded just bcoz of you” is too long. Try making, “The loneliness that faded because of you.”

Poster/Background : 5/10
I wasn’t impressed as the poster is a little bit awkward and messy. I give you points because the poster was made by you and it’s your own artwork. I know that not everyone of us can edit nicely and have a good hand in Photoshop, but you can at least help by using a better quality picture of Arron. The blue strings (?) on the poster are disturbing too.

Forewords : 4/10
If you think that your foreword is long, then you’re wrong. It’s not long at all and you need to space it up. Please avoid abbreviations like ‘every yr’. It’s better to put ‘every year’. And at the bottom part, I don’t know whether those are quotes or poems, but they are really off-topic.

Plot : 10.5/15
The plot is not really that good, but still acceptable. You can make it better by creating more interesting happenings on each chapter. Your story is not yet ‘that’ far, that’s why it doesn’t bring much of your plot.

Creativity/ Originality : 10/15
Falling in love with an enemy is something I’ve seen everyday in fan fictions. It has already lost its originality. Try to build up your originality and creativity by changing some lines or adding twist and turns. You can even make this better if you have some creativity of you own. It’ll be much exciting to read.

Flow : 8/10
A little bit fast, but that’s okay.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 5/10
You should really check your spelling before posting. Try asking someone to revise your work to correct the mistakes you did. Grammar is a bit shattered and your vocabulary needs to be expanded. The wrong tenses make your work lost its meaning or even have another different meaning (which confuses people a lot). Try to work more on this. : )

Characterization : 7.5/10
So far, it’s good. But please explain more on the characters.

Writing style : 7.5/10
Somehow confusing because of your punctuations and all. Place full stops and commas at the right places and take note of the person’s POV.

Overall enjoyment : 2/5
This depends on each individual whether they like it or not. My opinion is in between. But what is more important is the trust your readers have given you. They love your story. Why ask for more? ^^

Sub total : 61.5/100

Bonus : 2/5
Don’t be disappointed of the mark. It is also a part of learning. You will do better in your next attempt. GOOD LUCK! :D

Total : 63.5/100