Lovely baby [Tears from lovers to friends] by Hyoorin

Author : Hyoorin
Title : Lovely baby [Tears from lovers to friends]
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/HyooRin/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning: The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My point of view may differ from the others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.


Title: 3/5
The title is long and inaccurate for me, you should decide on whether to put 'Lovely baby' or just 'tears from lovers to friends' because if you put 'Lovely baby [tears from lovers to friends]' it doesn't really connect to each other. So far, I would like it if you just put, 'Tears from lovers to friends'.

Poster/Background: 3/10
No poster and no background. Make one if you can, or request from a site ^^ 3 marks because you changed the font color BUT purple font with lighter purple background don't match. It's hard to read too.

Forewords: 3/10
I cannot relate anything to the forewords. Why? Because you're only telling your characters' connection to one another and basic informations about them. You did tell me that the girl's relationship with Changmin went shaky when Yunho entered the frame but not elaborating it. Some people may agree with a simple introduction, but for me it is nicer to read a detailed foreword.

Plot: 7/15
Your story is only 4 short chapters and you didn't tell us the whole summary of the story, so I may as well say that the plot is hanging and I only get to read the simple introduction of the plot. Which is Yunho meeting the girl, and Changmin met him, that's it. I still don't know what will happen next. But if I were to judge from the title, it says that Hye Jin and Changmin will turn from lovers to friends. Is that right?

Creativity/ Originality: 8/15
I like Changmin's character here. He seemed so mature and cool about everything. Other than making him a childish, food lover. However, there are also some cliché scenes which I would like to skip. Originality is not much but a little more effort should help you with it.

Flow: 6/10
In the middle. The flow was fast at the beginning but I think you managed it well.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
I am sorry and I don't mean to offend you, but I am really confused when I was reading it. You have many spelling errors, grammar mistakes and most important, the tenses. You should take care of the narrator, because at one point the POV was Hye Jin's POV, then it was a freestyle POV.. Example-


I go downstairs and join my appa and my oppa, Micky.


“ Yah! Eat Faster Hye Jin-ah” Micky said


“Oppa, my hands kinda lazy right now” with a cute voice from Hye Jin [Take note that here, you used Hye Jin's POV]


“Come let me feed you baby sis” Micky kindly said


Then I grabbed my bag and go to school. [Then here, you used your own POV] “See you later appa!”


“Yes Dear! Careful” appa smiled


“Hey! What about me?!”Shouts Micky



**Not just that, you should take care of your past and present tense too. Example-


Then I grabbed my bag and go to school. “See you later appa!” [You used past tense here for the 'grabbed']


“Hey! What about me?!”Shouts Micky [And here, it is present tense for 'shouts'. It should be 'shouted']


**You made this mistake a lot.


Characterization: 7/10
So far, it is okay but I still need to know more about the characters. I want to know about Hye Jin since I am expecting her to be the main character but I still can't get her full personality.

Writing style: 7/10
Because of the spelling mistakes, your writing is disturbed. Spacing should be taken care of and also punctuations.

Overall enjoyment: 4/5
Regardless of the hard-to-understand writing, I think it is pretty good. It would be better if you write it nicely.

Sub total: 51/100

Bonus: 2/5

Total: 53/100
Don't be degraded by the marks. I believe you can do better if you do practice. Don't give up, hwaiting!