6 Best Oppas and Just Mi

Author: azndomination
Title: 6 Best Oppas and Just Mi
Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/beastmi/
Status: One-shot
Reviewer: .flavored

Title: 4/5

Interesting title with relevance to the plot. But it’s not something that I myself personally will want to open up and read. But that’s prolly just me. Is eye-catching. 

First Impression: 7/10

Sufficient. Not the prettiest poster in the world, but it’s good =D I like the background though.

And... I don’t know why I’m still saying this to about 4 out of 5 stories I’ve reviewed... why is the colour scheme unchanged? It really gives a bad impression... Please do change it.

Forewords: 6/10

Good in the way that it tells us exactly what’s happening. Bad in the sense that it’s very informal... Especially in an article. I’m guessing it would be an internet article, because, frankly, you don’t see articles written like that even in teen magazines. The editor would cry.

Hmm... seems like the picture links aren’t working either XD Seriously, due to the restrictions of this winglin we can’t include pictures, so don’t. Besides, it’d serve no purpose...

Plot: 10/15

There’s not much of a plot frankly. Just the “refreshing” idea of a girl being included into an all boys group – which has probably already been used. It’s, as I see it, a description of the events that take place when a new group in implemented.

There is some drama with Mi Eun and the antis, but I’d figured that it would be more... And it’d be somewhat of a more substantial plot if something happened to Mi Eun and the boys protected her.

As it is, the plot that you have is not really suited for a one-shot.

Creativity/Originality: 10/15

Not exactly creative or original, as one can never truly be in winglin unless you’re writing fantasy or crack. I did like the comedic and care-free take on this however, and that might have upped originality points. Also original is the way that nothing too dramatic happened to Mi Eun. But in this case, you sacrificed plot for originality, and it’s not exactly a very good switch.

Flow: 8/10

It’s fine and there was a good flow.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10

Confusion of present tense and past tense. E.g. “The place was a step up from their old apartments, all nice and clean and interior professionally designed! Is this their first step into ultimate celebrity status?!” It should be: “The place was a step up from their old apartments, all nice and clean and interior professionally designed! Was this their first step into ultimate celebrity status?!

Continuing on that line, it should also be “the ultimate celebrity status”.

Spelling is fine, I think I saw a few minor mistakes here and there.

Vocabulary is limited, though there is no confusion of terms.

Characterisation: 6/10

Too many characters, too little description of them. B2ST/BEAST is too new for someone like me, who doesn’t latch onto every new group that comes in, to know exactly who should behave like what. Although, it’s a one shot, you could have been more descriptive, although it’s good you didn’t dedicate whole solid paragraphs into their descriptions in the articles as you could have easily done. And I do thank you for that.

Writing Style: 5/10

Not to be tactless, but I didn’t exactly like your writing style. It was a little too informal and gave me a headache. This was because the lines sometimes didn’t link with each other, and my brain isn’t cooperating with me, so it’s taking me extra effort to make the links.

An example of what I’m saying is this: Mi Eun put her arms around Dong Woon and Jun Hyung, "A dream come true right guys?! Ahh I'm so excited!" She bit her lip and messed up both of her band mates' hair. She gave out another girly squeal. She was ready to jump up and down on the beautiful light brown wooden flooring. They checked out their rooms, 3 rooms with 2 beds each and one room with a single bed.

It’d be better like this:

Mi Eun threw her arms around Dong Woon and Jun Hyung, messing up both of their hair. “It’s a dream come true, isn’t it guys?! Ah! I’m so excited!”

She squealed in excitement, all ready to jump up and down on the beautiful parquet flooring, as her two band mates rolled their eyes. “Come on, let’s go check out the rooms.” Dong Woon sighed, pulling the overly bouncy girl in.

“Oh cool! There’s three rooms here!” Mi Eun announced as she rushed through the rooms. “Enough beds for everyone! I get dibs on the one with the single bed!”

See? It’s a lot easier to read.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Interesting, enough, but the writing style kinda gave me a headache. Took me more effort to figure out what you were writing.

Sub Total: 66/100

Bonus: 3/5

Sorry this took so long. Winglin died >>|||

Total: 69/100