And the Winner Is.. by Tiramissya/McGorgeous/ A s h l e i LEE

Author : Tiramissya/McGorgeous/ A s h l e i LEE
Title : And the Winner Is..
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tiramissya/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 3.5/5
Quite alluring, but seems too plain and crippled. I like on how you put the title, IF this is a ONE-SHOT. Because your title is too direct. Meaning that once we read the story, all you have to tell us is who’s the winner or there’s no winner. That’s all. But since this is a long story, maybe it is good if you try to twist it up to gain more readers.

Poster/Background : 10/10
Since you mentioned about the mistakes, than I’m going to lay down on it. I know that we cannot (or it is perhaps rude) to ask the designer to re-do it because of a mistake. Besides, I personally love the poster.

Forewords : 8/10
Forewords, you talked about the camp. I repeat, the camp. You didn’t include about what is the twist in the story that you want to tell in hope that your readers wont go away. This way, they will be waiting for your ideas, and it won’t go to waste. Get what I mean? In certain times, people tend to add twists or excitement at the middle of the story. They supposed that it will be better and the readers will think that, “Oh, the story’s getting interesting.”. But what’s the point in doing it when your first reader was like, “Hmm, is she going to tell me about camps?!” and ran away. Why not, you make your readers read them in awe from the beginning until the end of the story? You have some very, very interesting lines and gestures in the story. So it is not wrong to put excitement on the forewords.

Plot : 12/15
Competitions. It revolves around us, we can’t blame that. I cannot say that the plot is outstanding, and I also cannot say that it is boring. It all depends on you and your creativity. Along with your hardworks and your patience. If you think your plot is good, then go on with it. Only you can stop yourself. So why not, prove to all of them that your fanfic is worth reading? :D

Creativity/ Originality : 12..5/15
I commented earlier on the plot, and this time I’m going to express more on the creativity and originality. I know that for us, maybe we would think it is original enough because we are the one who made it by ourselves. Also, that we haven’t been reading it much. But for some readers, they might already read the same plot before. But for me, you’re in between. Truthfully, I have read a lot of fanfics like this in my reviewing days. It involves the DBSK guys, Ri In, BoA and all other celebrities. I am happy to see some of them in your fanfic -as normal people. Not famous celebrities. Their interactions with the fictional characters/ other characters were okay. There’s nothing superior with it. As for originality, you’re trying your best to write out a great fan fiction for the readers, and I can see your effort. Some part has its own hilarious antics, betrayal and all. Your creativity is the one that helped you a lot in this story. If the originality of the story is poor, you still managed to bring it up by putting in your own creativity and your own way to tell the story.

Flow : 8/10
Frankly, at the early chapters, especially the first chap, it was fast. The ballerina won the competition, and then she was at the club. I found that you dragged it a bit fast. And the rest, it’s okay.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8/10
Some spelling mistakes and tenses error. But that’s normal, you can work on it to make it better. :D your description and direct speech is enough and it doesn’t bore readers.

Characterization : 7.5/10
I will have to comment on this since it was quite shattered when you said that she’s a very good ballerina and won many awards and you mentioned that she’s over 1.7m tall. Which is for a ballerina, she’s too tall. I’m not saying that ballerina cant be 1.7m tall, but when you’re putting it in a perfect ballerina, 1.7m is almost impossible. Because it is really hard to control the leg and movements. You will have to match the characters with their profession too. Unless this ballerina is gifted, then… okay.

Writing style : 9/10
Easy to understand. But some are packed together. I know it’s not your fault, it’s winglin.. I did that too, but be sure to check that before posting it up. So it will be much easier.

Overall enjoyment : 3.5/5
I can say that I enjoy it, but I don’t have much to say. (It varies on different people, so I cannot give my full opinion here)

Sub total : 82/100

Bonus : 2/5
good luck on your next fanfic, cause you’re good.

Total : 84/100