The Love Below by Superstar

Author : Superstar
Title : The Love Below
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/LL_super2/
Status : Completed
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 3/5
I like the title. It tells different stories of every couples.

Poster/Background : 4/10
There’s no poster, and the thick blue background doesn’t suit the mood. Blue seems hyperactive. And it’s too plain.

Forewords : 2/10
I cannot give much points here because you didn’t tell us the teaser/storyline of this. Tiny introduction of the characters won’t help much because your readers want to know what’s going to happen.

Plot : 12/15
It was fine. Each and one of them with their own partner. Maybe because of the lack of the presence of introduction, it didn’t give me the whole idea of the story.

Creativity/ Originality : 13/15
Well done! You do have your own idea and how to play with the characters. But there’s still something to work on. I cannot say it is perfect. I just can say that you had put your endless effort in satisfying your readers and also doing the best out of yourself. Not much to comment though. I guess you know the basic idea right?

Flow : 9/10
Flow was good, but don’t rely too much on the flashback. : D

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
There’s not much description. The usage of words is enough. But I don’t think you have sufficient vocabulary in your description. Work on this, I believe you can get a better result. This area is one of the important assets in every fanfic. It will affect your reader’s reaction towards your fanfic.

Characterization : 8/10
They are okay, since they can work with each other. But sometimes it confuses me on their partners. You should have at least some main characters to concentrate on and minors helping them. All over, it was okay.

Writing style : 6/10
Please make a space between their conversation, or they will be packed together. This is really hard to read and it bores people.

Example-
Jae-Ha stood in the kitchen,practicing her musical notes."Oohh.aaahh....o-ooh.aaaahh..AAHHHHAAHH""Jae-Ha,please,not this morning."Minho said,rubbing his ears.He swore there was blood leaking out."Minho how dare you.Do you know how important it is that I have the perfect voice to win Singer's Bowl.I have to beat MinYoung.I have to."Minho walked over to Jae-Ha and gave her a hug."Jae-Ha,winning isn't everything.All I really care about is you are happy,and you don't break our china set."Jae-Ha chuckled a little,and Minho's phone rung."Yeoboseyo...uh-huh...okay...sigh....all right...""Jae-Ha,I have to go.Be safe,okay."Minho kissed Jae-Ha on the forehead and took off,leaving his fine china vulnerable

Replaced- (Few changes)
Jae-Ha stood in the kitchen, practicing her musical notes.

"Oohh.aaahh...o-ooh.aaaahh..AAHHHHAAHH"

"Jae-Ha, please, not this morning." Minho said, rubbing his ears and was feeling a little betrayed by the mood. He swore there was blood leaking out.

"Minho how dare you! Do you know how important it is that I have the perfect voice to win Singer's Bowl. I have to beat MinYoung. I have to." Jae-Ha pressured herself, wanting really bad to win.

Minho walked over to Jae-Ha and gave her a hug.

"Jae-Ha, winning isn't everything. All I really care about is you are happy, and you don't break our china set." Minho retorted under his breath, almost inaudible but can be heard by Jae-Ha.
Jae-Ha chuckled a little, and Minho's phone rung.

"Yeoboseyo...uh-huh...okay...sigh...all right..." Minho stopped and turned his view back to Jae-Ha.

"Jae-Ha, I have to go. Be safe, okay." Minho kissed her on the forehead, stealing a last glimpse of her and took off. Leaving his fine china vulnerable.

It is neater when you spaced it out.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
There are some chapters I had to roll my eyes on, because of the packed conversation and the flashback. I want you to show what‘s going on, PLAY the flashback. Don’t just recall back on what had happened.

Sub total : 66/100

Bonus : 3/5
For your effort. :D fighting! You can do it!

Total : 69/100