I Hate You! But I love You by Charco

Author : Charco
Title : I Hate You! But I love You
Link : www.winglin.net/fanfic/Charco/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 3.5/5
All I can say is… It surprises people with two sided emotions. It’s like, you’re not expecting to fall in love with that certain person. And the feeling of confusion in love appears in this story.

Poster/Background : 6/10
I’m giving you point because your text is readable. But try to request a poster to complete your fanfic’s appearance, okay? (I see you request a poster from Phebs, don’t worry, she’s a good designer.)

Forewords : 4/10
The foreword is too short. Might as well say that it’s only characters’ introduction. You didn’t tell us about how the story will go. And I was quite confused with the last two sentences. You can start with why do they hate each other, but at the same time, they achieved a liking too. Also, you can put in more teasers of the story, or you can even put a twist of suspense in it.

Plot : 10/15
I don’t quite get the plot. All I know is, Yoochun and Heechul as the top guys in this story. With Heechul as the basketball player and Yoochun as a pianist. This is maybe due to the length of the story, which is short. And maybe because it is not completed yet, so I can’t really judge.

Creativity/ Originality : 10/15
Hmm, I’ve seen many stories about the players and such. But still, I think you’re doing okay. Except for the fact that I don’t really catch on with what you’re trying to tell us. I like on the idea of the ‘Sarang Coffee’ shop, and the relations between ahjumma and Heechul. If you want, you can explain or go deeper in this. Because I found this part really amusing than the others. Cut down the unimportant things and add in more eventful points in the story. I know you have the idea, but you just don’t know how to tell the readers right? You seem to have so much to tell, and a teensy humor to share with your readers. Practice on the writing more, you will technically get it in your next attempt.

Flow : 6/10
Sorry, the flow was too fast. You jumped from one scene to another. Take the time where she got hit by a ball, and the nurse’s office, and then they skipped classes and she had to go to her dance practice. You didn’t stay on one scene and describe more about the surrounding, or how the person was feeling. In fact, you directly pulled another new happening. Avoid this, or you will eventually lose your ideas and how you can interact with the characters.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 6/10
Let’s talk about your spelling first.. Spelling mistakes, I detected many. I know this is the common problem people always do, but try to minimize the errors. Try to be descriptive in your writing, example on how she felt when Yoochun played the piano. Yoochun’s emotion when he was pressing the key. How the characters look like. Seeing your story, there are many things you can conclude, and delude. And if you can pass this, I believe you can create a very wonderful story.

Characterization : 9/10
Not much problem with the characters though. The characters are simple, and they don’t give me headache. I don’t know on how it is going to be in your upcoming chapters. Since you said that you’re going to put in more minors. Otherwise, well done.

Writing style : 7.5/10
Simple, understandable, but spelling mistakes are making their way. There are rooms for improvements.

Overall enjoyment : 3/5
I cannot say that I fully enjoy this, since the early chapters confused me, and this story is incomplete/on-going. But I see that you have your own potential. Go on with it, best of luck!

Sub total : 65/100

Bonus : 2/5
For leaving a message in every chapter so that your leader won’t lose their tracks.

Total : 67/100