Forbidden by M&M

Title : Forbidden
Author : M&M
URL : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Forbidden
Status : On-going.
Reviewer : Anna @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa and has nothing against each other. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 3/5
It is okay to match it with the story. But not sufficient enough to grab reader’s attention. You may one to add more words, or even emphasize it with another stronger vocabulary.

Poster/Background : 8.5/10
Nice choice of choosing Big Bang’s picture. They look really hot and ‘Gangster much’? BUT, the color is too dark and it doesn’t lift up the mood. It seems like the boys are drowned over the black color.. Anyway, your poster is still lovely.

Forewords : 7/10
You did put a few snippets of what’s going to happen.. But you concentrated more on the ‘Applying things’ than the whole plot of the story. It is better if you elaborate it longer, or even make a few interesting entrance. Such as slipping a bit of the TOP secret the boys were holding. Or maybe you can tell us about why the girls wanted to be spies and so on. Forewords is a very, very important source of attraction. If you happen to have weak attention to this, you may make readers go in and out of your fanfic just like that.

Plot : 12.5/15
Interesting, I like the idea of how they are trained to do everything, but not to fall in love. Also, the idea of bringing Queenkas is not so bad either. It’s just that the girls are too perfect here.. Perfect and flawless. It makes me feel like they’re robots. But it was surprising when the guys are already making friends with them (Or even come to a liking) in just a short period. However, I can see that you’re putting so much effort to make up a good plot. Salute you for that..

Creativity/ Originality : 12/15
Mind if I press something here? The originality of this story has rapidly decreased due to many of us now (I’m not just referring to a person, it’s the public) trying to do the same thing as ‘Spies’ and ‘Undercover’. It may look cool at first, but towards the end, annoyance may occur. Imagine if all of us started to write a story about ‘Spies’, ‘undercover’, and ‘falling in love’. I don’t think that it’s a good idea.. What I like about your fanfic is, the craziness made by the Big Bang boys and how the girls tried to rub in and off. The creativity is okay. As I noticed earlier, you were doing a great job out there to satisfy your reader and also to concentrate on the story. And you tried to change some bits of the girls’ lifestyle to the normal gangster boys’ lifestyle..

Flow : 8.5/10
The flow, you drag it too fast in the introducing part. On how the boys came to like the girl. But you managed it well. Good job!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 7/10
First, the usage of vocabulary, I spotted a few irrelevant vocabulary in the wrong sentence. Second, spelling mistakes and tenses. Spelling, it’s not that many, just a few. Remember to check them again before posting it. Tenses, don’t worry, all of us is imperfect. We tend to do simple mistakes that we cannot see, but the others can. That’s the use of requesting a review right? You’re actually really good, and can make an awesome fan fiction if you know how to play with your words. Just a few suggestions, as you see, your story is relevant to ‘Spies’ and all. It would be really good if you make your story more descriptive, with tons and tons of simple vocabularies.

Characterization : 8.5/10
Ahh.. Big bang, girls and a few minors. But that’s okay. It doesn’t really disturb the content -for now. Interaction between them is smooth-flowing, and just fine.

Writing style : 8/10
Nice, and easy to understand. And it is not hard to read. But it is not really good to put play script there. Somehow, it destroyed your writing style.

Overall enjoyment : 4/5
I did enjoy the story, and I am sure your readers too. Just make sure that you won’t abandon this story or your fans will go crazy.

Sub total : 79/100

Bonus : 3.5/5
Work hard on your next fan fiction. You can do well! Good luck! :D and HI M&M : D : D (Sudden character change) XD

Total : 82.5/100