Wishing On a Star by DorkyMickyx3 / Michelle

Author : DorkyMickyx3 / Michelle
Title : Wishing On a Star
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MickyxD/
Status : Completed.
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 5/5
I like the title, even if it’s normal. Because it brings out so much about the story.

Poster/Background : 9/10
Did you make the poster yourself? If you did, that’s why I’m giving you more marks. It is nice, but you should minimize Yunho’s pic, or blend it a little. Enlarge the pic of the couples and the font of “Wishing on a star” should be more italicized, so it shows more emotions and feelings.

Forewords : 8/10
You put the message of reading your foreword, don’t worry, every reviewer will read the forewords because it’s counted. I like on how you put a little story in the forewords because that is how it is supposed to be. Although in here, you didn’t put much about the characters’ personality and all, but when it comes to the next one, it was explained bit by bit. But, there’s also reasons on why you didn’t get the perfect 10. It’s because you didn’t explain much about “Wishing on a star”. I would love to see the part of “wishing on a star” and then recall back to what happened to Yunho.

Plot : 14/15
Some people may thought that this story is pretty normal. But what makes me say no is on how you empowered its own title. She was feeling guilty of his death and how everyone accepts her instead of blaming it on her. Also, the plot is quite heart-wrenching.

Creativity/ Originality : 13/15
Cassiopeia was shining brightly, that’s what made me really fluttered and touched. Truth to be told, my mind was really mixed up when reading this. Not because it is bad, it is because I like your story and it’s compacted with 101 emotions that I cant really tell. I should give you more marks on creativity for making Yunho such a lovable guy. At first when reading your forewords, I thought he’s going to be one of the bad guys. But he’s not. He’s such a gentleman and everybody loves him. The bringing in of his real family made this story seemed real. BAMBI’S THERE TOO! *squeals* I remember Bambi. Yunho’s first gift from Cassiopeia. His “daughter”. Also, Jaejoong and the rest of DBSK were there for her, taking care of her as if Yunho told them to do so. And it was a relief that Yunho was back in the end, you made it like her wish came true and god listened to her prayers. But I was wondering, when the history repeated itself, who actually died? Yunho or her? JiYeon right?

Flow : 7/10
It was a bit fast, I admit. But because I can feel what she’s feeling, so I’m letting it go.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 5.5/10
You need to improve on this. You have a great story but I spotted a lot of spelling mistakes, grammar, tenses and lacking of vocabulary and description. I can help you with this, just get my email from Rawr-out-Loud and I’ll personally help you out. I rarely do this to the others, but because your story hooked me a lot, I’m going to help you to be a better writer.

Characterization : 7/10
I didn’t get much from the girl. The DBSK boys were being DBSK. But the girl, I don’t know who she was.

Writing style : 10/10
Clean and easy. :D

Overall enjoyment : 5/5
Enjoyed it very much. Well done.

Sub total : 83.5/100

Bonus : 3/5
1)You didn’t give up although there’s not much reader.
2)You have a superfluous ideas.
3)You did the poster by yourself.

Total : 86.5/100

Don’t feel bad if nobody’s reading your first fic. I can promise you I will read it between my free time. I know how it feels when nobody supported our first attempt in writing a story. You’re a great writer. You just need to improve on your writing skills and the flow. Overall, you plot was great. As I said earlier, if you need any help with the writing, feel free to come to me and I’ll help you. ^^