Sweet Seduction by Superstar

Author : Superstar
Title : Sweet Seduction R
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/LL_super3/
Status : On-Going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud

Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticism. Thank you.

Title : 4/5
Good, an equal meaning to what you’re going to tell. But since this is a BI relationship, it kind of lost its power there.

Poster/Background : 3/10
Points for the readable font, controlled colors. But not much attraction because of the blue background, with blue links. Poster makes reader’s day brighter. : D (I know that maybe you dont know which to put since the pairings are not fixed. But random pictures will be nice too ^^)

Forewords : 4/10
Too short. I understand that this is an apply fic. But there’s no impossibilities in making the readers experience of what they’re heading. Characters included, and why lust appeared between them. Why a BI relationship? Why not normal? Is it because of their past, or maybe because they’re born to be together? There’s so much that you can put in.

Plot : 11/15
Plot is okay, since this is 'one-shots', and the storyline is simple. I can’t say that it is fairly unique or original. But what makes it interesting is the way you’re telling it to your readers.

Creativity/ Originality : 11/15
As I said earlier, this is 'one-shots'. And the idea may come from you and your readers. In each and every one shots, I found that there’s no particular reason on how they met and why do they fall in love. I want to know WHY they want to be together with the same sex.

Flow : 8/10
A little too fast. You drag it quickly, as if you’re just concentrating on the ‘making-out’ session. More introduction would be nice, so it’ll add up curiousity among the readers. The first chapter was okay, but when it comes to the second one, it was fast. Changmin and Micky were doing it too soon, just after they had the dinner. Why not tell us about their dinner conversation, and what makes them impatient to do it?

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 8.5/10
Let me remind you that in rated story, descriptive piece of work is needed. This makes the readers understand more, and can imagine what is happening. If they succeeded in putting your piece of writing into a film in their minds, then congratulations, you’re good at describing the ‘making-out’ session. -Or even the rest. Vocabulary used is good enough. Well done.

Characterization : 9/10
Again, this involves only two person, and that’s fine. But each character has his own personality right? Describe more about him, what he does regularly and what position does he hold in the story.

Writing style : 9.5/10
It was better this time, you spaced it out and make sure it is clean and neat. Some packed conversation can still be seen. That’s okay, cause you’re getting better.

Overall enjoyment : 4/5
Yes, I did enjoy it -partly. Although I’m not really “same sex” fan. I rarely read YAOI, cause sometimes I feel weird reading it. I could enjoy more if they didn’t jump directly into ‘that’.

Sub total : 72/100

Bonus : 2/5

Total : 74/100