Title; One Way Out
Author; Fynrile
Status; On-going
Reviewer; Latienza [Lyselmae Atienza] @ iDeas
http://thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com
Title: 2/5
I guess I just didn’t see the title in the story. Yes, it did give out hints that concerned the connection between the title and story, but I didn’t think it was. Authors tend to make up the title before writing out the story, but I suggest that you write the story, and then make up a title. If you already do so, I advice that you try to reread your story once or twice to get the main idea and to summarize it in one word or phrase, resulting to your title. The mood that the title created, though, was brilliant. The mood that the poster and background gave the title made it really interesting.
First Impression: 8/10
To be honest, although it was dark and seemed depressing, the mood and colors gave an outstanding impact on me. I believe that the poster and background made the title more alive. The choice of colors in fonts and links were also well done. It didn’t hurt my eyes, although the precision of colors could’ve been better. Nonetheless, it gave me a good impression.
Forewords: 7.5/10
I would’ve given the forewords a 9 if it was only organized and the content was much richer. I believe that giving images was really creative, but because of it, I didn’t focus on the texts that you wrote, instead, I was more entertained by looking at the pictures. Yes, pictures do help, but don’t overdo it or else readers would mainly focus on them. The form of language you used was fine also.
Plot: 9/10
I found your story was interesting, but it was really hard for me to follow at times. I even had to re-read some chapters again just to get back on track. Also, in the beginning, it was a bit boring until the guy kissed Sungmin. I was really straining just to finish the story, until it started getting interesting in the middle areas in the story. Although the beginning isn’t usually the most exciting part, keeping it interesting is still important in order to keep readers.
Creativity/Originality: 8/15
I wasn’t really impressed by this. I’ve read most of the scenes like this before, and it wasn’t really much of a surprise for me. But in some cases, you did manage to add your own creativity; therefore, making me read more. I could tell you were trying your best and because you have such effort, you’ll be able to succeed, concerning this portion.
Flow: 6/10
It was just starting off and Sungmin already started receiving feelings, therefore, rushing the whole story as you went. I believe that this is one of the most important components, so do make sure that it’s not too slow, nor too fast.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8.5/10
Starting off, I could already see some mistakes in grammar. I don’t think anyone would really make a big deal about your grammar because you manage to pull it off. We understand what you meant, but sometimes, you missed punctuation marks, therefore, making your grammar a bit all over the place. This isn’t really a big problem because it was rare mistakes, but it’s just a heads up. In some parts of the story, you tend to make spelling mistakes that you mistaken words for ones that sound alike.
For example: Heechul walked pasted the group and grabbed Sungmin's hand.
Instead, this should have been: “Heechul walked past the group and grabbed Sungmin’s hand.”
Just make sure to proof read in order to prevent mistakes like these. Moving on, your vocabulary was tremendous. I envy your precision of language. Make sure that next time, try to not make your language too complex that you lose the readers. This is what happened to me. I got lost because of the complex language. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m still a reader, right?
Characterization: 6/10
Concerning your characterization, you’ve got a lot to improve. For me, there were too many characters. I was also getting a bit confused on who was who because of sudden changes in the character’s personalities. They were too sudden, that it made me lose the main idea of the story. I believe that you could’ve portrayed the character’s personalities much better because, like I said, they change from one quality to another quality way too fast.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your style in writing was satisfactory. Just make sure not to transition harshly. Don’t make sudden transitions, confusing the readers. Keep up the effort.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I wouldn’t say I was a big fan of this fanfic. I just didn’t manage to captivate the feeling that you intended the reader to receive. I expected more. I’m not really big on Yaoi fanfictions, in fact, this is the first Yaoi fic that I’ve read so I really didn’t know what to expect... maybe this is why I wasn’t too big on this fic, but don’t get discouraged, I was inspired by some of your scenes, and hope that you continue your will in writing.
Subtotal: 65/100
Bonus: 4/5
I think you’re one of the most inspired writers out there. Keep up the good work.
Total: 69/100
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