Title: Kiss the Rain
Author: Yunni
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_rainfall
Reviewed by: Kira @ i-DEAS
Title: 3/5
It doesn’t catch my interest. The title is too common. I am glad it fits with the story well, but if I wasn’t reviewing this, the title does not draw me in to read it. It gives a good imagery with the story but I can only say that after I’ve actually read the story. I do like listening to the song while reading the story.
First Impression: 9/10
Very dreary and gloomy. But that’s okay because that’s what the story was like. I am quite impressed with the fact that the simplicity of poster and background actually interested me. The quote made me curious about the story. The softness of the poster was definitely intriguing. It was a change from the usual flamboyant and rich colored posters I’m used to seeing. Understandable, those tend to stand out more, but the poster definitely works well with the story. I can read the words without my brain exploding and the blue theme fits perfectly. Only issue I have is that I CANNOT tell that is TaeMin. It looks mysterious, but I think it would be better if I can still be able to tell who the male was.
Forewords: 9/10
I was definitely pulled in by the forewords. Your imagery was beautiful. I was really anticipating the story and yet I had no idea what to expect because you didn’t reveal too much of the plot. And I actually do like the fact that you explained where you got your inspiration because I feel like that is a good part of what forewords SHOULD have. However, I think the layout of everything was perhaps a bit too messy. To me, it would make sense to have the title and such first, either your author’s note or short excerpt next, and then end with the copyright. If you do have one of those categorization label things, then people want to see that first so they know what to expect before they read this story. You should include more sections in the label though, such as genre, rating, warnings, etc.
Plot: 5/15
Yah, I have no clue what the plot it. I am quite lost. I do get the sense that the girl and TaeMin must have had some sort of close history together and then something happened to break them apart. Now she came back to say goodbye? But I just…feel really, REALLY confused. .__. I think the plot was just TOO simple. There wasn’t enough foundation for this one-shot to build off of. I do think this is just too short. But it could have potentially been a great one-shot.
Creativity/Originality: 5/15
The basis of this plot I found overused and boring. It actually reminds me a bit of that DBSK drama, “Finding Lost Time,” at least the beginning, just the part in which TaeMin sees the girl through the crowd. I do like how you used the rain to compare with how TaeMin felt. How you conveyed the feeling was good. Perhaps if you continued the whole thing, you could continue to use the rain analogy and explain how the girl feels about rain afterwards since you said in the forewords that her view point changed.
Flow: 2/10
Umm…it was in sequential order? Admittedly, the story does in fact make sense on a timeline. However, I feel like it is WAY too choppy. This one-shot is more like just one scene out of a drama rather than a stand-alone story. It feels like you threw me into the story and then suddenly jerked me out.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/10
So close to perfect! *sigh* It’s been awhile since I’ve read a story like that. Your sentence structures are good as well as your spelling. Vocabulary is fitting; not too complicated like I’m reading a quantum book, but not too simple that I feel like a kindergartener (although…I kind of act like one anyways, but that’s another story). Just two little things that I caught:
For this sentence:
"It's been a year," he finally managed after a moment.
Because the second sentence is not a speaking action such as “said,” the quotation would be a standalone sentence. So it would be this:
"It's been a year." He finally managed after a moment.
And then here:
Now, he stepped back inside the house, and, ignoring Key's protests on going outside, TaeMin went down to the streets.
You used way too many commas. You can just simplify the sentence to:
Now, he stepped back inside the house and ignoring Key's protests on going outside, TaeMin went down to the streets.
Characterization: 1/10
The story was way too short for me to really understand what the characters are really like. It is much too vague. It is possible that the girl and TaeMin dated before and something tore them apart so the girl couldn’t take the pressure anymore and had to say goodbye. It is possible that the girl is being completely too sensitive and misunderstood something that TaeMin did when he really meant well. It is possible that TaeMin made a gigantic mistake and the girl wants nothing to do with TaeMin now. I am unable to really get what the characters are like just from the story. I can only see what the situation is.
Writing Style: 9/10
Your writing style is very eloquent and I love your imagery. I think you did a good job in showing emotions such as the short and harsh one word sentences to show pain and suffering. Not to mention you use long and very detailed sentences to create a great image of what is going on.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
It was too short. .__. I feel cheated from good writing.
Sub Total: 55.5/100
Bonus: 5/5
I can tell you are a good writer just from the forewords. I just wish you wrote more! *shakes fist angrily*
Total: 60.5/100
Saturday, July 31, 2010
6 Words That Hurt by Asian_Innocence
Title: 6 Words That Hurt
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/wtsc/chapter_3.shtml
Reviewed by: ShadowYin @ i-DEAS
Title: 5/5 - Original, creative and the fact that you used numbers seemed really different from other titles. Most importantly, it was related.
First Impression: 7/10 - I love the poster so much! It’s beautiful. However, the font was difficult to read? Like 'The' I thought it was an 'I' instead of 'T'. It's beautiful, but I personally think it can still be improved :) Also, would’ve been nice to see Jonghoon in the poster too, because if I entered your fanfic, I would’ve just thought you wrote DBSK one-shots.
Forewords: 10/10 – Don’t really see anything I can pick on in your forewords. It’s good.
Plot: 13/15 – At first, I thought it was cliché but in the end, it had a really nice twist. Two marks taken off because I would’ve loved to read the emotions MiRoo had after reading those six words. Other than that, the plot was amazing.
Creativity/Originality: 12/15 - Slightly cliché. I mean, dating, break up in the rain, car crash. These have all been used before. But I’ll give you credit for the descriptions you provided, and there were certain aspects of the writing which really seemed original despite of the scenario used.
Flow: 7/10 – Personally, I think you spent too much time setting up the scene, and you didn’t go into that much depth when it was the actual break up. Since I do believe that is a crucial part of the story, I think the flow would’ve been better if you explored more into the feelings as well as the actions of your characters. I understand the beginning was for a build up of tension, but it wasn’t as interesting to read. Instead, I kept thinking how cliché your story was until the end which really surprised me.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
You wrote:
Something… something has been troubling me lately (There’s no need for a gap between the ‘…’ and your next word.)
You wrote:
…and I gave his hand I light squeeze (Should be: I gave his hand A light squeeze)
You wrote:
…and allowed him take my hand. (Should be: allowed him TO take my hand)
You wrote:
…he asks quietly and with confusion, trying to catch my eye. (I believe ‘and’ isn’t necessary in this sentence.)
You wrote:
…position or go to her purse (I think you meant ‘to go’.)
Spelling errors (what you wrote – what I think you wanted to write)
Cleares – clears
Yeh - yeah
Revere - reverie
Burry – bury
Slipper road – slippery road
I know it’s difficult, but you seemed to use the word ‘face’ a lot. Try use a different way to write about the face? I was curious so I checked how many times you used that word. And in one short piece of writing, you managed to use that word eight times. Please try to vary your vocabulary before it gets too repetitive.
Also, I believe there might have been a few punctuation errors, but since I’m uncertain, I didn’t take points off it.
Characterisation: 7/10 – Didn’t really get to see much of Jonghoon. The mum’s reaction when MiRoo woke up wasn’t really realistic. I kept asking, ‘would she really be that calm when her daughter had just survived after a car accident?’ I think better descriptions of those characters would’ve been better.
Writing Style: 8/10 - I loved the way you started your fiction off with a rhetorical question as it makes it a fantastic opening! However,
You wrote:
“Seongsengnim! I’m delicate~” (I would’ve preferred it if you wrote how he delivered the line instead on using ‘~’)
Some of your descriptions were superb! There was some great use of short sentences which really had a brilliant effect.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 – a very meaningful fanfic. I really enjoyed it.
Sub Total: 80/100
Bonus: 3/5
- Love the title
- Good quality of writing
- I enjoyed it
Total: 83/100
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/wtsc/chapter_3.shtml
Reviewed by: ShadowYin @ i-DEAS
Title: 5/5 - Original, creative and the fact that you used numbers seemed really different from other titles. Most importantly, it was related.
First Impression: 7/10 - I love the poster so much! It’s beautiful. However, the font was difficult to read? Like 'The' I thought it was an 'I' instead of 'T'. It's beautiful, but I personally think it can still be improved :) Also, would’ve been nice to see Jonghoon in the poster too, because if I entered your fanfic, I would’ve just thought you wrote DBSK one-shots.
Forewords: 10/10 – Don’t really see anything I can pick on in your forewords. It’s good.
Plot: 13/15 – At first, I thought it was cliché but in the end, it had a really nice twist. Two marks taken off because I would’ve loved to read the emotions MiRoo had after reading those six words. Other than that, the plot was amazing.
Creativity/Originality: 12/15 - Slightly cliché. I mean, dating, break up in the rain, car crash. These have all been used before. But I’ll give you credit for the descriptions you provided, and there were certain aspects of the writing which really seemed original despite of the scenario used.
Flow: 7/10 – Personally, I think you spent too much time setting up the scene, and you didn’t go into that much depth when it was the actual break up. Since I do believe that is a crucial part of the story, I think the flow would’ve been better if you explored more into the feelings as well as the actions of your characters. I understand the beginning was for a build up of tension, but it wasn’t as interesting to read. Instead, I kept thinking how cliché your story was until the end which really surprised me.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
You wrote:
Something… something has been troubling me lately (There’s no need for a gap between the ‘…’ and your next word.)
You wrote:
…and I gave his hand I light squeeze (Should be: I gave his hand A light squeeze)
You wrote:
…and allowed him take my hand. (Should be: allowed him TO take my hand)
You wrote:
…he asks quietly and with confusion, trying to catch my eye. (I believe ‘and’ isn’t necessary in this sentence.)
You wrote:
…position or go to her purse (I think you meant ‘to go’.)
Spelling errors (what you wrote – what I think you wanted to write)
Cleares – clears
Yeh - yeah
Revere - reverie
Burry – bury
Slipper road – slippery road
I know it’s difficult, but you seemed to use the word ‘face’ a lot. Try use a different way to write about the face? I was curious so I checked how many times you used that word. And in one short piece of writing, you managed to use that word eight times. Please try to vary your vocabulary before it gets too repetitive.
Also, I believe there might have been a few punctuation errors, but since I’m uncertain, I didn’t take points off it.
Characterisation: 7/10 – Didn’t really get to see much of Jonghoon. The mum’s reaction when MiRoo woke up wasn’t really realistic. I kept asking, ‘would she really be that calm when her daughter had just survived after a car accident?’ I think better descriptions of those characters would’ve been better.
Writing Style: 8/10 - I loved the way you started your fiction off with a rhetorical question as it makes it a fantastic opening! However,
You wrote:
“Seongsengnim! I’m delicate~” (I would’ve preferred it if you wrote how he delivered the line instead on using ‘~’)
Some of your descriptions were superb! There was some great use of short sentences which really had a brilliant effect.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 – a very meaningful fanfic. I really enjoyed it.
Sub Total: 80/100
Bonus: 3/5
- Love the title
- Good quality of writing
- I enjoyed it
Total: 83/100
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Raindrops by Ana
Title: Raindrops
Author: Ana
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_raindrops/
Reviewed by: Andi @ i-DEAS
*Note: This is my first review back from hiatus. If it sounds a little off, I apologize. Also, I have the Muppets version of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen in my head—and it’s driving me crazy—so I also apologize for any mistakes I make that I don’t catch. Please request your future reviews at i-DEAS! (Yay I got a bit of advertising done! WHOO!)*
Title: 4.5/5
I hope you don’t mind the half point getting knocked off. My explanation: the title fit your story well. Really well. So well, your story seems like it revolves around the title. But I think you should have used the Korean version of the word instead of “raindrops.” That would have caught my attention more. I’m the curious type, and when I see something I don’t know, I tackle it head-on. I’m weird like that. It’s the nerd in me.
First Impression: 9/10
The poster’s great! It compliments the mood of the story (though I don’t know how the moon ties into the plot, if that is the moon at all. If it’s not, I feel retarded and should be walloped with a stinking broomstick). The simplicity of it matches your writing well. No, that was not an insult. I’ll get to that later.
Forewords: 10/10
Short and to the point. Since this is a one-shot, you really don’t need a huge explanation about things. You even mentioned the characters’ names. Brava!
Plot: 13/15
I got a little confused with the “he”s and the “she”s. I realized you were talking about a different girl than the main character, but you might want to clarify that. I loved the plot overall, though. You see it in real-life all the time: a friend who wants to be more than a friend with their crush, but their crush doesn’t exactly see eye-to-eye with them. The rain added to the melancholy (at first) and then tied in at the end since she felt that the rain washed away the heartache she had for Junsu.
Creativity/Originality: 13.5/15
Pretty original, but not one-of-a-kind. You don’t see this sort of a story too often. Usually, the unrequited love somehow becomes requited at the end. But you didn’t follow that cliché. You had the main character choose differently, and stop infatuating over someone who would never feel the same as she. Excellent!
Flow: 10/10
No problems here. An easy score, huh?
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
I didn’t find any mistakes in spelling…or grammar…or any problems with capitalization. You used vibrant enough language and words to create some imagery and pretty mental pictures.
Characterization: 8/10
Junsu and Aecha were fine enough, but who was this random girl? Was she a friend of Aecha? Was she a rival? And how was Aecha and Junsu’s relationship before Aecha fell for him? Were they best friends? Friends since childhood? I wanted these questions to be answered before the end, and they weren’t.
Writing Style: 10/10
ARGH, I WANT TO GIVE YOU MORE THAN A TEN. A TWENTY SOUNDS BETTER. Sorry. It’s so simple, it’s utterly beautiful. There are times when huge amounts of details make a story a story. With yours, it’s the opposite. You didn’t need big words and large paragraphs with heaping amounts of details. I could almost feel the freaking raindrops. And the fact that you tied rain to two different things (I applaud you if you did it on purpose, I giggle if you did it by accident) amazed me. Keep writing this way, and you’re sure to raise some eyebrows, girlie.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Loved it, loved it, loved it! It was sweet and short, and an all-around good one-shot.
Sub Total: 92/100
Bonus: 3/5
You used Junsu. He’s the butt of many of my jokes. (No pun intended.)
Total: 95/100
And now Single Ladies by Beyoncé is in my head. Great. Oops, back to my reviewing. Ahem. You did a great job, and I’m glad you chose i-DEAS for your request. Do come back again, and if you want, request me. I’d be glad to review for you again. I loved this story, and I wish you the best of luck with all your future writings. ^^
Author: Ana
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_raindrops/
Reviewed by: Andi @ i-DEAS
*Note: This is my first review back from hiatus. If it sounds a little off, I apologize. Also, I have the Muppets version of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen in my head—and it’s driving me crazy—so I also apologize for any mistakes I make that I don’t catch. Please request your future reviews at i-DEAS! (Yay I got a bit of advertising done! WHOO!)*
Title: 4.5/5
I hope you don’t mind the half point getting knocked off. My explanation: the title fit your story well. Really well. So well, your story seems like it revolves around the title. But I think you should have used the Korean version of the word instead of “raindrops.” That would have caught my attention more. I’m the curious type, and when I see something I don’t know, I tackle it head-on. I’m weird like that. It’s the nerd in me.
First Impression: 9/10
The poster’s great! It compliments the mood of the story (though I don’t know how the moon ties into the plot, if that is the moon at all. If it’s not, I feel retarded and should be walloped with a stinking broomstick). The simplicity of it matches your writing well. No, that was not an insult. I’ll get to that later.
Forewords: 10/10
Short and to the point. Since this is a one-shot, you really don’t need a huge explanation about things. You even mentioned the characters’ names. Brava!
Plot: 13/15
I got a little confused with the “he”s and the “she”s. I realized you were talking about a different girl than the main character, but you might want to clarify that. I loved the plot overall, though. You see it in real-life all the time: a friend who wants to be more than a friend with their crush, but their crush doesn’t exactly see eye-to-eye with them. The rain added to the melancholy (at first) and then tied in at the end since she felt that the rain washed away the heartache she had for Junsu.
Creativity/Originality: 13.5/15
Pretty original, but not one-of-a-kind. You don’t see this sort of a story too often. Usually, the unrequited love somehow becomes requited at the end. But you didn’t follow that cliché. You had the main character choose differently, and stop infatuating over someone who would never feel the same as she. Excellent!
Flow: 10/10
No problems here. An easy score, huh?
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
I didn’t find any mistakes in spelling…or grammar…or any problems with capitalization. You used vibrant enough language and words to create some imagery and pretty mental pictures.
Characterization: 8/10
Junsu and Aecha were fine enough, but who was this random girl? Was she a friend of Aecha? Was she a rival? And how was Aecha and Junsu’s relationship before Aecha fell for him? Were they best friends? Friends since childhood? I wanted these questions to be answered before the end, and they weren’t.
Writing Style: 10/10
ARGH, I WANT TO GIVE YOU MORE THAN A TEN. A TWENTY SOUNDS BETTER. Sorry. It’s so simple, it’s utterly beautiful. There are times when huge amounts of details make a story a story. With yours, it’s the opposite. You didn’t need big words and large paragraphs with heaping amounts of details. I could almost feel the freaking raindrops. And the fact that you tied rain to two different things (I applaud you if you did it on purpose, I giggle if you did it by accident) amazed me. Keep writing this way, and you’re sure to raise some eyebrows, girlie.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Loved it, loved it, loved it! It was sweet and short, and an all-around good one-shot.
Sub Total: 92/100
Bonus: 3/5
You used Junsu. He’s the butt of many of my jokes. (No pun intended.)
Total: 95/100
And now Single Ladies by Beyoncé is in my head. Great. Oops, back to my reviewing. Ahem. You did a great job, and I’m glad you chose i-DEAS for your request. Do come back again, and if you want, request me. I’d be glad to review for you again. I loved this story, and I wish you the best of luck with all your future writings. ^^
Save Me! by tubbyGENx3
Title: Save Me!
Author: tubbyGENx3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/OneShot2/
Reviewed by: Andi @ i-DEAS
Title: 5/5
This definitely caught my eye at first glance. I couldn’t wait for my web browser to finish loading the story so I could read exactly what this person needed to be saved from. Plus, it sort of sent a weird feeling through me, like I was about to be severely depressed by the story…and you know how everyone, no matter how sad it can be, loves a good depressing tale.
First Impression: 8/10
Okay, so the depressing thing? It settled in once I saw the poster and the color scheme you had going on for this story. The poster sort of unnerved me. It looked like the story was going to be about someone wanting to commit suicide or something along those lines.
Forewords: 9/10
I really liked your forewords. Since this wasn’t necessarily a fan fiction, the forewords couldn’t and didn’t have to follow the rules. You made sure to tell the reader that this was based on a true story; that made my heart clench. True stories almost never have a Happily Ever After.
Plot: 13/15
There wasn’t a plot, per se, but I saw where you were going with this. You were painting a bleak picture of the depressed child in a dysfunctional family. You were trying to convey to your audience that things aren’t always so pretty for a lot of the people in this seriously screwed-up world. I nearly got teary-eyed at this story; it was just so…realistic and eye-opening to a young girl’s problem. I’m sad that this was based on a true story, and I send out my sympathies for whoever had to endure such pain and misery.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
I’ve never read something quite like this. Winglin is mostly made up of fanfics and the like, but this was different. This also didn’t have that happy ending (or happy beginning, for that matter). It sounds masochistic, but I like that in a story.
Flow: 10/10
Nothing wrong here. Flow was perfect.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
Here’s where I get extremely picky:
1. Punctuation is your friend. EX: “…No matter how much cursing I say no one would care…” Use commas where they need to be used (i.e. after “say”). Also, check over any dialogue and make sure it has a period, exclamation point, or question mark that shows the sentence has ended.
2. Watch the grammar. EX: “No matter how much teardrops falls down into this ocean no one would ever find it…” The word “much” is misused here; instead, use the word “many.”
3. Watch your tenses. I’ll use the same example from above. Instead of “falls” it should be “fall”, and instead of “it”, it should be “them”. Keep an eye on that, and you’ll succeed in your future writings.
Characterization: 7/10
You developed the narrator well—showed how much she suffered—but I wanted to know just a little bit more about the dysfunctional family and how they interacted on a day-to-day basis.
Writing Style: 7/10
Methinks this would have been crazier (and that’s used in a complimentary way) if written like a sort of diary. Maybe you could have shown how things just seemed to worsen from day to day. Here’s a good (albeit way too comedic for the serious tone of this story and written in the form of various recordings) example: http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/reviews/animalcrossing.htm
I love Ben Croshaw; he does some of the funniest game reviews I’ve ever heard.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
This hit home hard. When I was through reading, my mind was blank besides the thought: “Wow. And I thought my life sucked.” Actually, I know I have it pretty made compared to a lot of my other friends. I know a brother and sister who have been living without power and hot water ever since March. But they still manage to go on through life. This story did make me sad, but it just goes to show that there are people suffering out there…and they do need someone to rescue them from the misery.
Sub Total: 82/100
Bonus: 3/5
Total: 85/100
A personal apology from the reviewer: I must have had your review for well over two months, and I read it. Actually, I read it a few times. But every time I opened a word document to do the review, I’d sit there, staring at the screen, wondering how to begin. Soon I’d get distracted from what I was doing and abandon your work as if I was abandoning some stray dog in the pouring rain. Then I just stopped going onto Winglin and all my reviewing sites altogether. I got caught up in a video game (sadly, I’ll admit that) and I also got swept up with the end of my senior year. It’s obvious that there is no excuse whatsoever for my tardiness. I can only give you my sincerest apologies. This isn’t the first time I’ve done such a thing to a request, and unfortunately it might not be the last. But I am going to own up to whatever I must own up to, get your review done, and hope that you’ll forgive this pathetic excuse of a reviewer.
Author: tubbyGENx3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/OneShot2/
Reviewed by: Andi @ i-DEAS
Title: 5/5
This definitely caught my eye at first glance. I couldn’t wait for my web browser to finish loading the story so I could read exactly what this person needed to be saved from. Plus, it sort of sent a weird feeling through me, like I was about to be severely depressed by the story…and you know how everyone, no matter how sad it can be, loves a good depressing tale.
First Impression: 8/10
Okay, so the depressing thing? It settled in once I saw the poster and the color scheme you had going on for this story. The poster sort of unnerved me. It looked like the story was going to be about someone wanting to commit suicide or something along those lines.
Forewords: 9/10
I really liked your forewords. Since this wasn’t necessarily a fan fiction, the forewords couldn’t and didn’t have to follow the rules. You made sure to tell the reader that this was based on a true story; that made my heart clench. True stories almost never have a Happily Ever After.
Plot: 13/15
There wasn’t a plot, per se, but I saw where you were going with this. You were painting a bleak picture of the depressed child in a dysfunctional family. You were trying to convey to your audience that things aren’t always so pretty for a lot of the people in this seriously screwed-up world. I nearly got teary-eyed at this story; it was just so…realistic and eye-opening to a young girl’s problem. I’m sad that this was based on a true story, and I send out my sympathies for whoever had to endure such pain and misery.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
I’ve never read something quite like this. Winglin is mostly made up of fanfics and the like, but this was different. This also didn’t have that happy ending (or happy beginning, for that matter). It sounds masochistic, but I like that in a story.
Flow: 10/10
Nothing wrong here. Flow was perfect.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
Here’s where I get extremely picky:
1. Punctuation is your friend. EX: “…No matter how much cursing I say no one would care…” Use commas where they need to be used (i.e. after “say”). Also, check over any dialogue and make sure it has a period, exclamation point, or question mark that shows the sentence has ended.
2. Watch the grammar. EX: “No matter how much teardrops falls down into this ocean no one would ever find it…” The word “much” is misused here; instead, use the word “many.”
3. Watch your tenses. I’ll use the same example from above. Instead of “falls” it should be “fall”, and instead of “it”, it should be “them”. Keep an eye on that, and you’ll succeed in your future writings.
Characterization: 7/10
You developed the narrator well—showed how much she suffered—but I wanted to know just a little bit more about the dysfunctional family and how they interacted on a day-to-day basis.
Writing Style: 7/10
Methinks this would have been crazier (and that’s used in a complimentary way) if written like a sort of diary. Maybe you could have shown how things just seemed to worsen from day to day. Here’s a good (albeit way too comedic for the serious tone of this story and written in the form of various recordings) example: http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/reviews/animalcrossing.htm
I love Ben Croshaw; he does some of the funniest game reviews I’ve ever heard.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
This hit home hard. When I was through reading, my mind was blank besides the thought: “Wow. And I thought my life sucked.” Actually, I know I have it pretty made compared to a lot of my other friends. I know a brother and sister who have been living without power and hot water ever since March. But they still manage to go on through life. This story did make me sad, but it just goes to show that there are people suffering out there…and they do need someone to rescue them from the misery.
Sub Total: 82/100
Bonus: 3/5
Total: 85/100
A personal apology from the reviewer: I must have had your review for well over two months, and I read it. Actually, I read it a few times. But every time I opened a word document to do the review, I’d sit there, staring at the screen, wondering how to begin. Soon I’d get distracted from what I was doing and abandon your work as if I was abandoning some stray dog in the pouring rain. Then I just stopped going onto Winglin and all my reviewing sites altogether. I got caught up in a video game (sadly, I’ll admit that) and I also got swept up with the end of my senior year. It’s obvious that there is no excuse whatsoever for my tardiness. I can only give you my sincerest apologies. This isn’t the first time I’ve done such a thing to a request, and unfortunately it might not be the last. But I am going to own up to whatever I must own up to, get your review done, and hope that you’ll forgive this pathetic excuse of a reviewer.
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