Kiss the Rain by Yunni

Title: Kiss the Rain
Author: Yunni
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_rainfall
Reviewed by: Kira @ i-DEAS


Title: 3/5
It doesn’t catch my interest. The title is too common. I am glad it fits with the story well, but if I wasn’t reviewing this, the title does not draw me in to read it. It gives a good imagery with the story but I can only say that after I’ve actually read the story. I do like listening to the song while reading the story.

First Impression: 9/10
Very dreary and gloomy. But that’s okay because that’s what the story was like. I am quite impressed with the fact that the simplicity of poster and background actually interested me. The quote made me curious about the story. The softness of the poster was definitely intriguing. It was a change from the usual flamboyant and rich colored posters I’m used to seeing. Understandable, those tend to stand out more, but the poster definitely works well with the story. I can read the words without my brain exploding and the blue theme fits perfectly. Only issue I have is that I CANNOT tell that is TaeMin. It looks mysterious, but I think it would be better if I can still be able to tell who the male was.

Forewords: 9/10
I was definitely pulled in by the forewords. Your imagery was beautiful. I was really anticipating the story and yet I had no idea what to expect because you didn’t reveal too much of the plot. And I actually do like the fact that you explained where you got your inspiration because I feel like that is a good part of what forewords SHOULD have. However, I think the layout of everything was perhaps a bit too messy. To me, it would make sense to have the title and such first, either your author’s note or short excerpt next, and then end with the copyright. If you do have one of those categorization label things, then people want to see that first so they know what to expect before they read this story. You should include more sections in the label though, such as genre, rating, warnings, etc.

Plot: 5/15
Yah, I have no clue what the plot it. I am quite lost. I do get the sense that the girl and TaeMin must have had some sort of close history together and then something happened to break them apart. Now she came back to say goodbye? But I just…feel really, REALLY confused. .__. I think the plot was just TOO simple. There wasn’t enough foundation for this one-shot to build off of. I do think this is just too short. But it could have potentially been a great one-shot.

Creativity/Originality: 5/15
The basis of this plot I found overused and boring. It actually reminds me a bit of that DBSK drama, “Finding Lost Time,” at least the beginning, just the part in which TaeMin sees the girl through the crowd. I do like how you used the rain to compare with how TaeMin felt. How you conveyed the feeling was good. Perhaps if you continued the whole thing, you could continue to use the rain analogy and explain how the girl feels about rain afterwards since you said in the forewords that her view point changed.

Flow: 2/10
Umm…it was in sequential order? Admittedly, the story does in fact make sense on a timeline. However, I feel like it is WAY too choppy. This one-shot is more like just one scene out of a drama rather than a stand-alone story. It feels like you threw me into the story and then suddenly jerked me out.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/10
So close to perfect! *sigh* It’s been awhile since I’ve read a story like that. Your sentence structures are good as well as your spelling. Vocabulary is fitting; not too complicated like I’m reading a quantum book, but not too simple that I feel like a kindergartener (although…I kind of act like one anyways, but that’s another story). Just two little things that I caught:
For this sentence:
"It's been a year," he finally managed after a moment.
Because the second sentence is not a speaking action such as “said,” the quotation would be a standalone sentence. So it would be this:
"It's been a year." He finally managed after a moment.
And then here:
Now, he stepped back inside the house, and, ignoring Key's protests on going outside, TaeMin went down to the streets.
You used way too many commas. You can just simplify the sentence to:
Now, he stepped back inside the house and ignoring Key's protests on going outside, TaeMin went down to the streets.

Characterization: 1/10
The story was way too short for me to really understand what the characters are really like. It is much too vague. It is possible that the girl and TaeMin dated before and something tore them apart so the girl couldn’t take the pressure anymore and had to say goodbye. It is possible that the girl is being completely too sensitive and misunderstood something that TaeMin did when he really meant well. It is possible that TaeMin made a gigantic mistake and the girl wants nothing to do with TaeMin now. I am unable to really get what the characters are like just from the story. I can only see what the situation is.

Writing Style: 9/10
Your writing style is very eloquent and I love your imagery. I think you did a good job in showing emotions such as the short and harsh one word sentences to show pain and suffering. Not to mention you use long and very detailed sentences to create a great image of what is going on.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
It was too short. .__. I feel cheated from good writing.

Sub Total: 55.5/100

Bonus: 5/5
I can tell you are a good writer just from the forewords. I just wish you wrote more! *shakes fist angrily*

Total: 60.5/100