Save Me! by tubbyGENx3

Title: Save Me!
Author: tubbyGENx3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/OneShot2/
Reviewed by: Andi @ i-DEAS

Title: 5/5
This definitely caught my eye at first glance. I couldn’t wait for my web browser to finish loading the story so I could read exactly what this person needed to be saved from. Plus, it sort of sent a weird feeling through me, like I was about to be severely depressed by the story…and you know how everyone, no matter how sad it can be, loves a good depressing tale.

First Impression: 8/10
Okay, so the depressing thing? It settled in once I saw the poster and the color scheme you had going on for this story. The poster sort of unnerved me. It looked like the story was going to be about someone wanting to commit suicide or something along those lines.

Forewords: 9/10
I really liked your forewords. Since this wasn’t necessarily a fan fiction, the forewords couldn’t and didn’t have to follow the rules. You made sure to tell the reader that this was based on a true story; that made my heart clench. True stories almost never have a Happily Ever After.

Plot: 13/15
There wasn’t a plot, per se, but I saw where you were going with this. You were painting a bleak picture of the depressed child in a dysfunctional family. You were trying to convey to your audience that things aren’t always so pretty for a lot of the people in this seriously screwed-up world. I nearly got teary-eyed at this story; it was just so…realistic and eye-opening to a young girl’s problem. I’m sad that this was based on a true story, and I send out my sympathies for whoever had to endure such pain and misery.

Creativity/Originality: 14/15
I’ve never read something quite like this. Winglin is mostly made up of fanfics and the like, but this was different. This also didn’t have that happy ending (or happy beginning, for that matter). It sounds masochistic, but I like that in a story.

Flow: 10/10
Nothing wrong here. Flow was perfect.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
Here’s where I get extremely picky:
1. Punctuation is your friend. EX: “…No matter how much cursing I say no one would care…” Use commas where they need to be used (i.e. after “say”). Also, check over any dialogue and make sure it has a period, exclamation point, or question mark that shows the sentence has ended.
2. Watch the grammar. EX: “No matter how much teardrops falls down into this ocean no one would ever find it…” The word “much” is misused here; instead, use the word “many.”
3. Watch your tenses. I’ll use the same example from above. Instead of “falls” it should be “fall”, and instead of “it”, it should be “them”. Keep an eye on that, and you’ll succeed in your future writings.

Characterization: 7/10
You developed the narrator well—showed how much she suffered—but I wanted to know just a little bit more about the dysfunctional family and how they interacted on a day-to-day basis.

Writing Style: 7/10
Methinks this would have been crazier (and that’s used in a complimentary way) if written like a sort of diary. Maybe you could have shown how things just seemed to worsen from day to day. Here’s a good (albeit way too comedic for the serious tone of this story and written in the form of various recordings) example: http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/reviews/animalcrossing.htm
I love Ben Croshaw; he does some of the funniest game reviews I’ve ever heard.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
This hit home hard. When I was through reading, my mind was blank besides the thought: “Wow. And I thought my life sucked.” Actually, I know I have it pretty made compared to a lot of my other friends. I know a brother and sister who have been living without power and hot water ever since March. But they still manage to go on through life. This story did make me sad, but it just goes to show that there are people suffering out there…and they do need someone to rescue them from the misery.

Sub Total: 82/100

Bonus: 3/5

Total: 85/100


A personal apology from the reviewer: I must have had your review for well over two months, and I read it. Actually, I read it a few times. But every time I opened a word document to do the review, I’d sit there, staring at the screen, wondering how to begin. Soon I’d get distracted from what I was doing and abandon your work as if I was abandoning some stray dog in the pouring rain. Then I just stopped going onto Winglin and all my reviewing sites altogether. I got caught up in a video game (sadly, I’ll admit that) and I also got swept up with the end of my senior year. It’s obvious that there is no excuse whatsoever for my tardiness. I can only give you my sincerest apologies. This isn’t the first time I’ve done such a thing to a request, and unfortunately it might not be the last. But I am going to own up to whatever I must own up to, get your review done, and hope that you’ll forgive this pathetic excuse of a reviewer.