The Shooting Star by eternalflower

Title: The Shooting Star
Author: eternalflower
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/eternalflower
Reviewer: Lil<3Key @ i-DEAS
http://thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com/


Title: 3/5
Your title is okay, It’s not something that would stand out to me personally but it does on some level relate to your story. However, you say the lead of your story wished upon a shooting star but it didn’t really mention it during your story so the title could be classed as a bit misleading but sometimes that can be a good thing.


First Impression: 8/10
The poster was nice, although it was a bit difficult for me to read the title. The background was okay as well but it looks a bit plain in my opinion. The good thing about the presentation of this fanfic is you set the writing to white so it wasn’t hard to read on the darkish background.


Forewords: 6/10
You explained a bit about the story in general but didn’t really go into depth about the characters in it. The prologue was okay but I did begin to lose interest half way through reading it.


Plot: 8/15
The plot wasn’t really anything new to me. The situation of the two leads liking each other but stuck in a friendship relationship has been used many times before but you character’s did have their own personalities, personalities that were completely different to one another so that give the plot a certain edge to it. I also liked how things kept getting in the way of them confessing, mostly the broken phone.


Creativity/Originality: 9/15
Again, your characters are what did it for me. In most Jaejoong stories I have read, Jaejoong is often portrayed as the bad playboy type but in your fanfic he was something different which I found refreshing.


Flow: 7/10
Through out your story, the pace was fine. It was too slow and it was just right. However in later chapters you did begin to skip over certain amounts of time, For example Chapter chapter 9 had two time skips. The first time skip was 2 weeks after the confrontation and then 3 weeks leading up to graduation. I know you don’t want to spend too much time with every little detail because it would be quite boring after a while but don’t continually skip over time because things like that sometimes put readers off.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
There were a few mistakes through out the chapters of your story and I found that you sometimes got the words ‘in’ and ‘on’ mixed up with one another. However you did mention that English was not your first language in the Forewords and although there were spelling, grammar and vocabulary mistakes, I was still able to read and understand everything you were trying to get across to the readers of your story so I gave you a 6.


Characterisation: 8/10
I like how you made the main characters in your story the complete opposite of one another but somehow you made me feel like they just seem to fit together. I also noticed you mention how they are both completely different in chapter 9 and I could see that as the story progressed.


Writing Style: 7/10
Most of the time you stuck to writing it 1st person which is a writing style I find easier to read, However, some chapters you did change it to 3rd person and you changed to different points of view. I have no problem with that mostly but I did have a problem with how you swapped the POV once again without telling me. I just had to figure it out for myself who’s point of view you were writing in, which is why I deducted some points. Also in some chapters I picked up on sentences in brackets which I think you could have added into the normal text. When reading a fanfic, brackets usually put me off or distract me from the sentence I was initially reading.


Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I really liked this fanfic because of the unique characters portrayed in it and with a bit more spell checking you’re likely to improve. Good work! XD


Sub Total: 65/100
Bonus: 4/5
Total: 69/100