Trust The Little Bird/Trust by ava_lava

Title: Trust The Little Bird/Trust
Author: ava_lava
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/ava_lava2/
Reviewer: LaurenLCD @ i-DEAS
http://thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com/


Title: 4.5/5
The title (Trust The Little Bird) isn't cliche. It has relevance to your story without giving the plot away like so many stories on winglin and else where. However, the poster is written as simply "Trust" and may be seen as too ambiguous or too plain to catch an audience' attention.

First Impression: 10/10
The poster is nicely done and isn't too flashy. The background combined with the font color is easy to read. As far as your writing goes, I can tell that you worked hard and maybe even edited and proof read (though some mistakes slipped through the cracks).

Forewords: 7.5/10
You gave all the required information without bogging down the reader with unnecessary comments and even gave a glimpse of your writing style with a preview. However, I felt you should have gave some background information on the characters.

Plot: 15/15
It was rather unique, especially since it was based on a true story. While star struck student meets teacher plots aren't new, this is refreshing, particularly since the teacher is married to someone that the student can't find within themselves to hate.

Creativity/Originality: 13/15
It's based on real events, so in a way it wasn't truly original, but it was definitely creative of you to fill in the blanks with little things such as the hermit crab story, the analogy of the small birds versus the big birds, etc.

Flow: 10/10
Nothing felt rushed, and nothing felt like filler to merely give a reason to say 'hai gaiz! nu update! kekeke.' Each chapter felt like it had a reason to be there and maintained a steady pace.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
You clearly have a broad vocabulary. I could tell you knew the meaning of what you were writing and wasn't just raping the thesaurus for words that you thought would seem "smart." However, there are some mistakes that were a bit careless and could have been corrected with better proof reading and editing.

Spotting the “RECEPTIONIST” sign on the other side of the chamber, I pulled my luggage along the marble floor and smiled politely at the receptionist lady.

The elevator door opened with a DING and I walked through it, eyes surveying the scene to find Room 307.

I wasn’t legible for ANYTHING until I was eighteen, apparently.

*Note: 'legible' should be eligible. There are more typos (either in spelling or context) throughout (though this is few and far between).

He was on the jury of ALL of the major piano competitions, and conducts almost EVERY single orchestra as a guest every year.

When I realized that I was the ONLY one clapping, however, my face flushed and I heard Professor Jung chuckle lightly.

*Note: It is incorrect grammar to write in all caps at any time.


1. Find out where the practice rooms are. Need I say more?
2. Start looking for a job. I only have fifty dollars at the moment.
3. Become acquainted with the school. I must be able to know the place inside-out.
4. Find out where the cafeteria is. I will be able to get my food free if I bring my student card along..

*Note: Write out the actual words one, two, three etc.

I sat in front of the piano and quickly decided on my most recent encore piece (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwc-nmyPm4I). Like Changmin, I was a fast player, but I also had technique and a large tone.

*Note: This last sentence is just one of many examples: Never insert links, Author's Notes, etc. in the middle of writing. Either separate the links as another paragraph with •OST: URL• or put them only as an author's note before the chapter begins. Author's notes should be reserved for only the end or before the beginning of a chapter. When inserted during the writing, this makes the writing appear choppy, and is distracting. Better yet, try to actually put into words the sounds of the music by using adjectives, metaphors, similes etc. If you choose not to insert links, then give the name of the song as you give description.


Characterization: 9/10
Since this was all written in first person, I didn't expect a lot of development beyond Jaejoong since we saw everything through his point of view. However, there was depth and dimension with Yunho and I could actually picture him in my mind's eye. There could have been more development between YooSu, Changmin, etc. It felt like the minor characters were only glanced through.

Writing Style: 8/10
You could have used more description of nouns and set atmosphere throughout the chapters. This is just a bit of nit picking.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I had a couple of weeks to read it and finished it within a couple of days (though I could have finished it all in one) The ending was certainly ambiguous with the slight cliff hanger, but then, the relationship between the characters were ambiguous.

Sub Total: 89/100
Bonus: 5/5
Because as your webmistress, I like to be an encouragement. Plus, I miss DBSK as a whole (though, I'm not the type of DBSK fan that will bawl my eyes out crying 'JYJ go back to HoMin!' In a way, I pretty much prepared myself for it. I just wish that they'd either gave us closure with a final concert, or I don't know -something!). I do feel that this is incorrectly labeled however. Yaoi refers to stories with actual sexual situations. Since this didn't have any sex, it should be labeled as Shonen-Ai as to not confuse readers.

Total: 94/100