Forever and Always by iMortal

Title: Forever and Always
Author: iMortal
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/iMortal_OS01/
Reviewed by: Andi @i-DEAS
*NOTE: This review took longer than expected because reviewers from the website resigned or went on hiatus and left no notice of which reviews they had completed. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.


Title: 3/5
Eh. You could be a little more creative with the title, though it does tie in with the story. At first glance, I wouldn’t read it while browsing.

First Impression: 6/10
Oh, as ever, dear. I’m not sure if it looks different on your computer or what…but never, NEVER use a light font when using a light background. I almost didn’t want to read this because it hurt my eyes and I had to strain them to look before I gave up and copied it into Word. It’s very hard to read, and it puts off a reader from continuing on because if they can’t read it, then they’ll just close your story. And your poster should be more appealing to the eye; a long figure and a title does nothing. He even looks sad, which I’m sure is not the mood of your story.

Forewords: 8/10
Because it’s a oneshot, you can’t really say much without giving away the plot. A little bit more info on the characters would have been appreciated. I liked the sneak peek you gave as well as the genre and all the disclaimers and copyrights. I need to do that for my own stories…=_=”

Plot: 12/15
Boyfriend and girlfriend together, and a friend who likes one of them as more than a friend. You see it a lot in oneshots. It was simple, though. Not too complex where an entire backstory had to be given. Thumbs up on that.

Creativity/Originality: 11/15
Like I said above, you see it a lot. The necklace thing was cute, I’ll admit that. And pretty, too. ^^

Flow: 10/10
Flowed perfectly. Nothing wrong here.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
If you’re unsure on a lot of mechanical things such as grammar, antecedents, verb-noun agreement, etc. I’d be happy to offer you a scan of common mechanical errors and how to fix them. Hmm, I should start offering people this.

First line: The moment he sat on my table, I knew he was up to something.
It should be: The moment he sat at my table, I knew he was up to something.
(He was not sitting on the actual table, was he?)

When you finish a quote, be sure some sort of punctuation ends it. Ex: “Hyung.” Not “Hyung.”

Characterization: 8/10
These were plain characters. Nothing remotely exciting about them, save for Jonghyun who was her persistently annoying secret admirer. I would call them “static.” Make your characters a little more likable, so the audience can relate to them. Make them “dynamic.”

Writing Style: 9/10
Thank God! You separate your paragraphs. I can’t stand writers who clash everything together to make it shorter. It looks messy and disgusting. This was an easy flow.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
It would have been ten times easier to enjoy if you had picked out a different font. I liked it though. Work on choosing better colors and setting the mood, and you can be an amazing writer!

Sub Total: 77/100

Bonus: 2/5
Your penname. I love it!

Total: 79/100