His Untold Story by iloveDBSK

Title: His Untold Story
Author: iloveDBSK
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/iloveDBSK2/
Status: One Shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ iDEAS


*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza


Title: 4/5
I liked your title. I felt the reassurance that the author has a nice plot coming. It’s a unique title. The connection was also there.

First Impression: 9/10
Everything was clean and organized. I liked the poster also. I couldn’t wait to read it.

Forewords: 5/10
I’m not a big fan of your forewords. The only thing you had were advertisements. You had a preview/summary, but it’s not enough. I know that in a one-shot, you’re not supposed to give away a lot, but I’m just not satisfied with your forewords. Be sure to lengthen it next time.

Plot: 9/15
The plot wasn’t as great as I thought it would end up. The first chapter was alright, but as in pondered into the 2nd/last chapter, everything seemed predictable which is bad. You must keep the readers surprised and unknowing. They must not be able to predict the ending easily. Try working on that portion next time. The whole dying because of the sickness thing was pretty common also. But you managed.

Creativity/Originality: 10/15
Despite the ok plot you had, you managed to add your own originality/creativity like not telling the DBSK members about the relationship Jaejoong had with the girl, also connecting it to the title.

Flow: 8/10
The flow was good… it was alright. For me, I think it was too fast. But yet again, I think it’s just me.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You tend to make grammar mistakes wherein you get mixed up with your tenses. In times where your words need to be in the present tense, you end up wording it in the past. It’s all over the place basically. Be sure to edit it and re-read before posting it on winglin.

Characterisation: 9/10
Your characterisation was plain. The only problem you had was that you weren’t able to portray the personalities of the characters well enough. It was too fast…

Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style was fine. It was easy to read and very comprehendible. It would’ve been better if your paragraphs were transitioned and organized properly. Besides that, it was acceptable.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
It was good.

Sub Total: 73/100

Bonus: 3/5
1. For giving me the honour in reviewing your story.
2. Saving me from writing a long review.
3. For taking a while.

Total: 76/100