Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Once Upon A Fairytale by A I K A

Title: Once Upon A Fairytale
Author: A I K A
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/keyfairytale/

Reviewed by: ShadowYin @ i-DEAS



Title: 2.5/5

I believe it should be: ‘Once Upon a Fairy Tale’ instead of ‘Once Upon A Fairytale’

Besides that, another mark was also taken due to lack of originality? Your title gave off a slightly cliché feeling. It kind of felt like it was going to be those ‘fairy tale love stories’. I personally thought you could’ve come up with a better title.


First Impression: 8.5/10

Your poster has a unique style, but somehow it didn’t really catch my interest. Although I will give you credit for making the poster and background yourself. I loved the colours.


Forewords: 10/10

It was interesting and probably one of the best forewords I’ve ever read. Great job! Also, as I was reading on, your forewords made more sense.


Plot: 13/15



Slight confusion going on in chapter two I believe. First, you wrote: ‘I was halfway in my room’ and then later on, you wrote: ‘giving up on entering my room’. So is he in his room or not?



Your plot was amazing, but you’ve made mistakes like ‘Ji Eun's trying hard to forget Jonghyun?’ and ‘Joo-yeon and Taemin jumped’ (when it was supposed to be Jieun with Taemin), makes your plot seem a little unrealistic. When you use fictional characters, remember to put the correct names or else readers might be confused as to who loves who.



There was also a part where Key called Joo-yeon, but I thought they didn’t have each other’s numbers?



There were a lot of depth to your plot, and you’ve explored very well into the situation as well as the characters. However, details make it more realistic, if your details are incorrect then it gives me a chance to pull your mark down.


Creativity/Originality: 13.5/15



One of the most original fanfics I’ve read, I must admit. Although, at times I did feel there were a few slightly overused storylines. However, overall it felt like you based your storyline around boys over flowers/meteor garden. Like a school with rich kids and a peasant girl. Family forcing heir to marry people they don’t love. It worked surprisingly well, but just a point I thought I’d make.


Flow: 8.5/10



The pace of your fiction was superb, although there were parts where it felt slightly rushed. Since your story was long, it’s actually really difficult to manage the flow. So I didn’t take too many marks off.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10



There were a lot of silly mistakes here and there. A few things you wrote and I wrote my corrections in brackets.



I mean, how do you know?" (You missed a quotation mark at the beginning)



will be their with their children (Should be ‘THERE’ not ‘THEIR’)



"Is that any was to talk to a lady?" (I think you meant ‘ANY WAY’)

Cinderella had a first a first love too. (Unnecessary repetition?)
How long was I asleep. (Question mark?)



eyebrow.I felt my face redden. (space?)



I really want to now what happened to her yesterday (should be ‘know’ not ‘now’)



A few awkward sentence structures going on here and there and spelling errors like: ‘log’ when you meant ‘long’, ‘Mingo’ when you meant ‘Minho’, ‘form’ when you meant ‘from’ etc.



Somewhere, Taemin turned into ‘Taeminf’ for a while.



A lot of typos, punctuation mistakes and lack of spacing near the end of your story. Please make an attempt to proof read.



Characterisation: 9/10



Your characterisation was ALMOST flawless to me. Still there were times when I had the though, would they really do that or what they really feel like that? Overall, your characters felt really realistic.


Writing Style: 8/10



I like the way you write and how some sentences were short and snapping. However I thought there were lots of opportunities where you could’ve added a connective to make your sentences flow better. Of course, your writing still makes sense regardless if there’s a connective or not. But because there were so many sentences like: ‘he said slowly, anger sinking in’. It just loses the effect because there were so many of these snappy sentences. Therefore, I would suggest you use a range of long and short sentences in future.



I loved how you linked your story with event in fairy tales. It’s a very intellectual piece of writing.



However, I really disliked how you went to a flashback without any warnings beside the:



▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬



…Which you also used for changing the scenes. Since you wrote in character’s perspectives, at the top you always put (someone’s name) POV, why don’t you put ‘FLASHBACK’ before you go into the flashback? At the end of the day, readers are reading this, not watching it. So I think it might be slightly better if readers are warned before flashbacks happen.



Finally, I shall conclude that your writing style is excellent, because I could actually imagine every scene in my head.


Overall Enjoyment: 4.5/5
Your fic was surprisingly amusing to read. I actually giggled a few times. Great job!


Sub Total: 85/100

Bonus: 3/5

- One of the best fanfics I’ve read.

- This fanfic probably has the highest mark I’ve given in reviewing.

- It was interesting to read


Total: 88/100

No comments:

Post a Comment