By Your Side by th1rd3ye

Author: th1rd3ye
Title: By Your Side
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/fts_mh_BYS/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Anna @ i-DEAS (ROL)


Warning: The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and harsh comments may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.


Title: 5/5
The title matches well with the plot and the whole story. Although it is simple, I appreciate you keeping it that way because it just brings out the accurate meaning to it.


First impression: 8/10
I really like the poster and I think it’s nice. The color aqua is somewhat different and it’s not something we can see in every fan fictions. However, your title color and your link color are blending too much with the background. You should pick different colors so they would be more attractive and eye-catching. (Also, try changing the font; it’s really hard to read with blue against blue.)


Forewords: 8/10
Let me start by saying that you give out a little too much in your forewords. I like a sufficient, clean one that doesn’t tell off the ending of the story, but you did it otherwise. You should elaborate it, which you did but you didn’t keep it ambiguous. By reading the forewords, we know that Min Hwan and the girl are already dead, so don’t you think you gave out too much here? It’s like telling the readers that the two main characters they are going to read are already dead and the next chapter would only be telling about how she/he died. Your forewords would have been good if you know how not to spoil the content.


Plot: 12/15
Your problems here are the arrangement of the story and your fragments. You tend to explain this and that without any specific timeline. You wrote everything in one patch, whether it’s about Min Hwan moving to her place, Min Hwan eating her ice-cream, Min Hwan delivering food. It’s good that you’re trying to put everything in contact, but somehow some things are just not in their right places. Your problem is only a slight one and if you practice writing and plotting storylines, I believe you can do it well.


Creativity/ Originality: 11/15
I like the “romantic-sweet moments”, however, it saddened me that you’re using typical actions between the two lovers. Dying and turning into a guardian angel is overused too. The way to make yours an original is to blend your creativity together with it. Sadly, I didn’t see any creativity being showed in this story and it made me think that the story is just simple and not above that. You have the great piece of idea, just that the idea itself is not enough without your creativity. Your originality; I cannot say that this is very original and I can’t say that this is too common. It’s in between, where it’s up to the readers to judge it. Some may think that they have read this few times and some might consider this as a first piece of their reading pleasure.



Flow: 8/10
Like I said earlier, your plotting isn’t that good and you didn’t make it consistent. I think the ending was rushed and straightforward. Beginning was okay, but not the ending.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I only found few grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. The rest are just construction of words and fragment errors. You did a lot of mistakes in placing the commas.



1) Upon reaching my apartment, Min Hwan casually lay on the giant sofa bed, in the living room. I pounced on him, wanting to exact my revenge. Little did I expect that I was in for a special treat from Choi Min Hwan, my dearest boyfriend, who was also my younger brother’s best friend.



- Upon reaching my apartment, Min Hwan casually lay on the giant sofa bed in the living room. [You don’t need to separate it with a comma]I pounced on him, wanting to exact my revenge. Little did I expect that I was in for a special treat from Choi Min Hwan, my dearest boyfriend, who was also my younger brother’s best friend.



2) With his attractive adorable looks, and a brilliant and dazzling smile, he had won over the hearts of many females. In addition, he was smart, full of knowledge and at the same time cheeky and creative, he would always have ideas about almost everything. He was unpredictable and mysterious, you could never know what mischief he was planning, but all these characteristics just made him more alluring and lovable.



- With his attractive, adorable look and a brilliant and dazzling smile, [Place comma between ‘attractive’ and ‘adorable’ because they’re used as descriptions. He only has one look and not ‘looks’. You also don’t need a comma after that because it has been linked with ‘and’] he had won over the hearts of many females. In addition, he was smart, full of knowledge and at the same time cheeky and creative. [Don’t use comma, consider a full stop.] He would always have ideas about almost everything. He was unpredictable and mysterious, you could never know what mischief he was planning, but all these characteristics just made him more alluring and lovable.



Those are only few of them and I think you should revise your story back and find your mistakes.


Characterization: 8/10
I think Min Hwan is a little bit too perfect and it doesn’t make that much sense. I’m letting that slip because at least he has a personality, unlike the girl in the story. Her attitude didn’t show much and all I could figure out is the girl’s weakness in giving up her life. Jae Jin’s minor role is a good one but it only bloomed in the forewords, nothing much throughout the story.


Writing style: 9/10
My only complaint is the placing of the commas. You did well for the rest.


Overall enjoyment: 3/5
I didn’t really enjoy because of the font color, making it hard for me to read. However, I did enjoy the sweetness overload between the lovers.


Subtotal: 79.5/100


Bonus: 1/5
For replying to your readers.


Total: 80.5/100