Because I know -Yunni

Author: Yunni/ ‘Niii

Title: Because I know

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/_know/

Status: Completed

Reviewer: Anna @ i-DEAS thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com



Warning: The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and harsh comments may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. My POV may differ from others. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and critiques. Thank you.



Title: 4/5

You did well for making the title match up your story. However, using that as a title isn’t really going to attract people. I have to admit that it is mysterious in some ways but it doesn’t concern people to click on it and read, unless of course, they are your loyal readers and never missed any of your previous stories.



First impression: 8.5/10

I like the poster and I really don’t like to criticize other designers’ artworks especially when you requested from someone and it is not made by yourself. I am here to review your story and not to judge the artwork made by other people. Still, this applies to the review rubrics and I can’t just ignore it. What I want to point out here is that the poster isn’t quite melancholic as described in the story. The mood just isn’t there even though the pictures match. Overall, the poster is well done and it’s a good work. Your font color is readable too.



Forewords: 7.5/10

The picky foreword dealer is here, isn’t she? I know that simplicity is the best, but accuracy of the foreword is an essential. You started off good, telling that Taemin knew the girl was there but you missed something important –The feeling. I can’t feel what he was feeling because it wasn’t fully there. You made it short, which ended up stopping the readers’ interest there. It felt like Taemin was just calling her name and in another moment, it stopped. You get what I mean? Try to be constant and versatile in writing the foreword. You can’t always give the readers what they want but you can always try. I like yours but I always knew that you can do better and I will keep saying that. Remember, not all authors can write a very good foreword, even myself. Don’t let that be a reason, let it be a challenge.



Plot: 12/15

The way you did your storyline is good but the plot was short. Some parts were too irrelevant and confusing; making the story crashes its plot and characters. Try to be in the story, not telling the story. By this, you can actually write a good plot and make it longer and relevant. Another one is the arrangement of your story. I only knew Jaemin’s death in the end and the first few paragraphs are pretty confusing. I didn’t know if you were talking about the past or the present since the scene itself is repeated.



Creativity/ Originality: 13/15

Having a lover dying is a common one, isn’t it? Yet we can still make people interested with this type of writing. I won’t be deducting your creativity much because I like the way you put Taemin as a week boy, which is total opposite of a perfect, admirable gentleman.



Flow: 8/10

The ending went a little fast, although the beginning started out good. I didn’t expect you to end Taemin’s death like that but it was okay. You didn’t overdo it (:



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

Your other reviews say that your grammar is good and I’m going to agree with that too. Still, you should remember that there will still be mistakes even if our grammar is beyond good. I checked on the other reviews and I won’t repeat the mistakes you have there.



-A cool breeze reached me, and I noticed that the window in my room was open.

~A cool breeze reached me and I noticed that the window in my room was open. (You are joining the two sentences with ‘and’ so comma is not needed here.)



-The horizon was still dark, waiting for the sun to make it's appearance.

~The horizon was still dark, waiting for the sun to make its appearance.



-I walked out to the living room of the SHINee dorm just to collapse on the cool leather couch.

~I walked out to the living room of the SHINee’s dorm just to collapse on the cool leather couch.



Your vocabulary is okay, even if they’re not wide but you might want to learn more about fragmenting and construction of sentences. I noticed that you tend to put so many commas and linked those descriptions with commas. Try avoiding that because it can make the story look overdone.



Characterization: 7/10

You need to tell more about Jaemin and deepen her character because I can only see Taemin playing his role, although not that much. Let your characters develop and play with them –they aren’t your characters for nothing. You should be able to understand them and portray them wisely in your one-shot.



Writing style: 8/10

I like your writing style but as I said earlier, your fragments and usage of commas to link sentences are overdone and some parts were irrelevant. Altogether, it is an organized piece of writing and it wasn’t as jumpy as before.



Overall enjoyment: 4/5

It was a great read and do continue writing ^___^



Subtotal: 80/100



Bonus: 2/5



Total: 82/100

A very good score and Yunni didn’t disappoint me with this story (: Keep that up. ^___^~