Helpless Night by Baboracoon

Title: Helpless Night

Author: baboracoon
Reviewer: Pararae@ http://thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com/


Title: 4/5 I like your title, it fit well with the story line and for a twist-angst story lover like me, I do find the title interesting. But it could easily miss out though, so try to use a bigger phrase, as in vocabulary.


First Impression: 7/10 at first, I got the feeling that the story would be a good one from the poster and background. The graphic suit well with the plot and it give out a good mood to the story. It’s refreshing to see little cast in the poster instead of a crowded one (Winglin’s trend nowadays) because it offer more meaning that to see the packed one. However, I can see that the picture in the poster is not from high quality. So try to find a better quality picture next time.


Forewords: 7/10 the forewords are good with genre, cast, author notes and summary, but do not caps it. Because when you cap it, it looks somehow repelling and disturbing. So try not to caps. The forewords are too messy. The way you stacked the lyrics together, it makes the forewords look unorganized and hard to read. I also spotted a few mistakes in your forewords: Not Kangin but the other him.. The new guy brought you to that old time..


(Ellipsis (...) can only exist in a set of 3.)


Plot: 13/15 I like the plot. It’s great to see a good twist and pull in a story instead of a flat one. I like the ending too where Chansung try to kill Yoochun and you, that time really hit the spot. But your plot is kind of confusing sometimes so try to plot the timeline of each scene first before you write it down because sometimes I feel like someone else is doing the thing to someone, but at the end it goes off. So watch out for time plotting because twist story need to consider this heavily.

Creativity/Originality: 10/15 I can see the creativity everywhere. I’ve never seen a story like this before and its surprise me when I read the ending. However there are always a few that seem common to your plot such a girl fall in love with someone resemble her past lover. This kind of concept is overused nowadays and it got different version always, so what I can say is that try to add a little quality in it to make it different. Also, the ending is predictable too, the good guy never die. That’s a common James Bond concept and a few other movies and stories too. Maybe you want to make a happy ending but happy ending doesn’t always mean the good guy have to survive or if they not, they will become angel etc etc. This trait is common too so try to make your own version of happy ending. Always think out of the box because ending is supposed to be the best part of the story.


Flow: 8/10 the flow is good, not too fast and not too slow which is perfect. I can see a few important scenes are well elaborated; you just need to watch out for the scene timing so the scene won’t be too jumpy or hanging.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 I’ve seen a few mistakes here and there. Sometimes you got the preposition and proverbs wrong so you should try to be careful with it. Try to refer to the dictionary or thesaurus so you can get the meaning more correctly and how to use it in sentences. I also find a spelling mistake; your eyes opened slowly buy sure and you gave him a timid smile.

What do you mean buy? Do you mean by? I don’t get this sentence so try to revise the chapters before posting it. Use spell check if you need to but I really prefer you do it manually because the mistake is not hard to see.


Characterization: 6/10 Your characterization so far is good and I can understand a few characters in the story, but I like to know Chansung’s sister more. She is like the incomplete on in the story and I think her role is quite important too because she is one of the reason why Chansung want to take revenge on Yoochun when he thought his sister kill herself. So try to elaborate more about her or try to add up a few scenes where you can picture her habit or how she is like more clearly.


Writing Style: 5/10 I’m not too fond of your writing style; it’s messy and stacked up. Try to double spacing the paragraph and watch out for dialogue. Sometimes you like to put the dialogue spoken by the same person separately by spacing. This kind of style could cause confusion so try to space the paragraph but not the dialogue that spoken by the same person.


Overall Enjoyment: 3/5


Sub Total: 70/100


Bonus: 3/5







Total: 73/100