Perfume Hearts by hey its me.

Author: hey its me
Title: P e r f u m e H e a r t s (A M Challenge)
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/glommyxxbears
Status: One-shot
Reviewer: .flavored

Title: 4/5

It’s not the most eye-catching title, but it had relevance to the story since the girl worked in a perfume shop. XD Somehow reminded me of all those shoujo manga titles... Anyway, was this title the contest requirement?

First Impression: 9/10

I’m biased. I love Anna’s works. I took off one mark though, because you DIDN’T CHANGE THE FONT COLOURS. Which is a big no-no for me. Is it that hard/time-consuming/difficult to change the font colours?!

Forewords: 9/10

I liked the forewords. Period. It was close to a model forewords in my mind, except for a small grammatical mistake I spotted. Although it IS a bit cliché... but that’s another section of this review XD

Plot: 10/15

It’s a little strange, the beginning. No one actually has so much skinship upon the first meeting. And it’s not like the girl had a sprained/broken leg or anything. So it was a little far-fetched.

Another thing I didn’t like was that it was a little too dramatic. And because of that the story felt reaaaaaally fake. Moreover, it was kind of short, so it worsened the “fake” feeling. It’s nice that you tried to deepen the feelings of this story using more description... but that kind of failed because there was a lot of wrong word usage.

Creativity/Originality: 11/15

One can never be truly original in romance since it is a genre that is overused, especially in winglin. I’ve said that in another review. But as long as the story is fine and sound or even better, exceptional, no on really will care (take the movie Avatar for example). And frankly, you don’t need them in the plot that much (just a bit of freshness of an idea would do).

As for this, it wasn’t that bad. Although it wasn’t the best I’ve read, the effort was heartening.

Flow: 8/10

A bit strange, because it’s a bit fast for this kind of plot, but I’ll let it go because it’s a short story.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10

Spelling seems fine. Grammar as well. But there was a lot of strange description and wrong word usage; so much so it kind of spoilt the story, despite your attempt to make the story more descriptive. E.g: “the tears dangling on my face”. How do tears dangle? O.o Perhaps “travelling down” would be better? In fact, it’d be better to omit the verb entirely.

Characterisation: 6/10

You sort of used tried and tested character templates. But because of the fast pace of plot and the rather cliché ideas, they became over-exaggerated.

Writing Style: 7/10

I always like writing style. =D Although good script form is good as well. I’m also glad you didn’t put in brackets to show scenes or anything. =D I like your effort in putting in much description, and it worked for most part.

I can, however, tell that this wasn’t really very proof-read. There are quite a bit of mistakes, as well as rather rampant wrong word usage. And this kind of spoilt the atmosphere...

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Nice quick read, but there’s still room for improvement.

Sub Total: 63/100

Bonus: 4/5

Sorry this took so long... XD It was quite a nice read, but there’s still room for improvement!

Total: 68/100

Don’t be discouraged. I think the average marks I give are really low =P. So if you get a 65 and above, it’s quite good =D