Friday, January 15, 2010

Fabric Magic by th1rd3ye

Author: thIrd3ye 
Title: Fabric Magic
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_onew_FM/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Pararae @ http://thrashing-ideas.blogspot.com/
 
Title: 5/5 
You get 5 marks because the title is interesting. I like your title at the first look at it, it tells clearly what the story is about and it manages to capture my attention. It also fit the story well. Even though it’s simple but the title is quite meaningful, which is good because fancy title sometimes could ruin the excitement. I didn’t spot any capitalization or spelling mistake and I like how the title could lend a good mood to the story. It’s not too angst and not too happy, just perfect for a love story.
 
First Impression: 8/10 
I give you 8 because I love the poster and it looks awesome! It totally makes me want to read your story more. However, you lose 2 marks because I can see the colorization of the angel is too striking. It stands awkward among the other pictures and design so try to fix the opacity of the picture. The pictures are in low quality. Try to increase the colour contrast to cover up the flaw.   
 
Forewords: 8/10 
I give you 8 marks because it has all the details, in an organize order and the sneak preview could increase the curiosity of the readers. I like the way you list down all the sneak previews together, some of it make sense while the others give a new light to the previous preview. So, it definitely makes me wonder what going to happen next and pull my attention together. But you lost 2 marks because I’ve found a mistake in your forewords...Take a look at this sentence: I do not own any of the characters. This story is pure fiction. This is an original piece of work. Copyrighted. Do not chop your sentences. The disclaimer could join up into two sentences, for example: I do not own any of the characters and the story is pure fiction. This is an original piece of work, copyrighted preserved. The forewords are too lengthy. A good amount of detail in a foreword is good, but don’t make it too long because it will be boring and dragging. So try to not double space the genre, disclaimer, title, length etc... Because it can be a clear detail too without double spacing.  
 
Plot: 10/15 
I give you 10 because...I like the plot. The way the story start with the main character’s boring life and spirit friend are very interesting. The concept about a purple magic fabric is quite new to me and I like how you twist the drama and so on. However, watch your ending because it’s a bit rushing. The time when the girl shouted for her friend to appear is kind of off. It’s too dramatic and sudden.  
 
Creativity/Originality: 13/15 
I can see its original. The way you picture a radio DJ who always give advice to others but won’t practise the principle herself is good because it shows how she could be hypocrite about her life. The drama between her friend, Onew and herself is good too. And the purple fabric brings the whole new light to the plot. I like it and it’s quite original. I can see the creativity in this kind of story, no doubt about it, but you could be more creative about the ending. The ending seem too cliché and predictable so try to twist it up a little to make it more creative.
 
Flow: 7/10 
The flow is good; from the beginning to the climax is fine but the ending is a bit off. The flow between Onew’s explanations about how he gets there and the girl asking for her friend to show up is quite fast. I know you want to mix those emotions up together but try extend the length a little and try to twist it up to make it more interesting. Remember, never rush the ending because the ending shows how the story going to judge as. A better ending call for a better plot.   
 
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 
I’ve found a few mistakes here and there but all of it has been spotted by the reviewer before me. Lolz talk about speed. So I don’t think I should point it out again, but try to revise your chapter again. Try to do it manually and if you think it costs too much time, use spell check. Make sure you revise it after you write and before you post just to make it safe. Other than that, is fine.
 
Characterization: 9/10 
The characterization is good. Since you use only 3 characters worth of explaining, I don’t think it’s hard for you to describe them. I personally think all of the characterizations are acceptable but try to write more about Onew other than his guts to speak his mind in public. He holds an important role too so try to describe him more. I wonder if he has any interesting habit.
 
Writing Style: 8/10 
The writing style is great, I like it but it could use more variety of vocabulary. I can see a few big words throughout the chapters but try to use more because, well simply, the more the merrier. I can say that despite a few mistakes, your writing style is quite neat and easy to understand so keep it up. I like the way you go around the bush in the first chapter about her friend. I was wondering whether he was a human or not because you didn’t describe any human-like activity for her friend. It’s a technique to make the readers curious about your story.
 
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
 
Sub Total: 79/100
 
Bonus: 4/5 
I give you 4 marks because...
1.       I love your title
2.       The plot and writing style are great
3.       You manage to keep your originality and creativity throughout the story
4.       For making you wait for so long. Sorry again ><
 
Total: 83/100

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